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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop covering my husband when he runs out of money?

295 replies

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:41

Hi there, slightly frustrated and just need some other point of views. So my husband and I distribute household bills - he sends me his share of the rent and I basically pay all the main household bills/subscriptions like council tax, water, gas/electric, broadband, TV, etc as well as my share of the rent and whatever other bits of bobs/loans. He earns a little more than me - aside from his share of the rent, he pays his car insurance, car finance, road tax, one loan repayment and is currently paying back a relative and he’s nearly finished. He also pays for petrol sometimes weekly sometimes fortnightly depending on how frequently he’s used the car. He’ll usually cover the groceries after being paid. Somehow he’s then always left with nothing very soon after payday and whatever he does have left he uses for gambling. I’m quite budget conscious and track my spending so I’m usually left with a reasonable amount after bills are paid. He usually asks me for money frequently and I don’t usually pay much attention to how much I’m giving until I realise that I completely run out - it’s gotten to the point where we’ve both run out and had not even enough for a pint of milk or toilet roll. I decided enough is enough and said I can’t keep covering him when he’s running out of money despite me covering all the main bills and he has to either start earning more or get better at budgeting. It’s hard because obviously it feels mean but his spending needs to be more structured.

OP posts:
OneNewEagle · 08/04/2026 20:30

YANBU but bu about who you live with. He’s a gambler. Just leave.

Stripes84 · 08/04/2026 21:11

Essentially you're covering his gambling money. I couldn't put up with this at all!

Dancingintherain09 · 08/04/2026 22:25

GoodLife26 · 08/04/2026 19:00

You need to set up a joint bank account just for paying shared bills and rent and each contribute the same or an agreed amount every month. You each retain your own bank account where your salary is paid and personal loans, car finance, credit cards etc are paid out of this. What you have left is your own to spend as you wish. If he runs out of money then as you say, he needs to get a better paid job or learn to live within his means. Stop subbing him.

Issue is is if he is a gambling addict and has access to this account it will be emptied before the bills go out. It needs to ge a bill account in OPs name that they each pay half into each month for the total of household expenses: council tax, rent/mortgage, electric &gas, water, household insurances, joint car expenses, food, Internet streaming subscriptions. Sitting down and working out what this total is and splitting it equally is the fair way that stops animosity. And as he's earning more he shouldn't have an issue with a 50/50 split. If you can afford it so can he.

Personal expenses are separate such as mobile contracts, loans, entertainment, toiletries etc.

ThistleTits · 08/04/2026 23:08

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:54

I think roughly £10-30 a week

Add a zero on to the end.of those two figures.

3luckystars · 09/04/2026 05:13

At least. It is at least £100.

QuizNight · 09/04/2026 08:39

Burgundyflower · 07/04/2026 12:22

I think it’s weird his friends are sending him money when they could play for themselves. But they somehow trust him because they’ve seen him win a couple hundred pounds here and there. Anyway, I’m trying to ensure I have savings to do more for is all.

His friends aren’t sending him money to gamble ‘for them’, they’re loaning him money which he is gambling away and now owes debt to them. Now you’ve (rightly) cut him off, he’s moved on to borrowing from someone else. When they realise they aren’t getting that money back and also cut him off, he’ll move on to the next unsuspecting person until he has no one left and has to start using riskier and more unsavoury methods.

IdentityCris · 09/04/2026 09:44

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 23:22

Well, it’s the amount he asks for most if the time for bits and bobs. I know I’ve played a part in the enabling so I’m putting a stop to it. Like he recently asked for money for food but I’d already done a massive food shop so I declined and spoke about his budgeting. He wasn’t happy about it.

So that means it's the amount he asks for after he has frittered away his own money, i.e. his gambling is costing a lot more than £10-30. That is also why his accounts don't make sense to you when you look at them - he's fudging what he takes out for gambling.

You need to get him to tell his friends to do their own gambling and stop sending him money.

usernamealreadytaken · 09/04/2026 12:32

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:41

Hi there, slightly frustrated and just need some other point of views. So my husband and I distribute household bills - he sends me his share of the rent and I basically pay all the main household bills/subscriptions like council tax, water, gas/electric, broadband, TV, etc as well as my share of the rent and whatever other bits of bobs/loans. He earns a little more than me - aside from his share of the rent, he pays his car insurance, car finance, road tax, one loan repayment and is currently paying back a relative and he’s nearly finished. He also pays for petrol sometimes weekly sometimes fortnightly depending on how frequently he’s used the car. He’ll usually cover the groceries after being paid. Somehow he’s then always left with nothing very soon after payday and whatever he does have left he uses for gambling. I’m quite budget conscious and track my spending so I’m usually left with a reasonable amount after bills are paid. He usually asks me for money frequently and I don’t usually pay much attention to how much I’m giving until I realise that I completely run out - it’s gotten to the point where we’ve both run out and had not even enough for a pint of milk or toilet roll. I decided enough is enough and said I can’t keep covering him when he’s running out of money despite me covering all the main bills and he has to either start earning more or get better at budgeting. It’s hard because obviously it feels mean but his spending needs to be more structured.

So he pays half the rent, and for groceries, and you pay the rest of the household bills? How much does he spend on groceries, and how much are your bills? Were the loans a joint borrowing which he pays for, or solely his? Do you have your own car, or get to use his? We can't really make a fair judgement without more information!

Imisssleep88 · 09/04/2026 14:32

I think your being more than generous already without giving him hand outs. You should have a joint account for all rent bills and groceries and split it evenly, possibly even more from him if he earns more. What you each have left in your own accounts is to do as you please. He will need to budget his money better.

If he runs out so quick I suspect the gambling may be more of an issue than he is telling you!

RampantIvy · 09/04/2026 15:17

Imisssleep88 · 09/04/2026 14:32

I think your being more than generous already without giving him hand outs. You should have a joint account for all rent bills and groceries and split it evenly, possibly even more from him if he earns more. What you each have left in your own accounts is to do as you please. He will need to budget his money better.

If he runs out so quick I suspect the gambling may be more of an issue than he is telling you!

No to having a joint account with a compulsive gambler.

This is terrible advice.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/04/2026 16:06

@Burgundyflower

Well love, you've gotten a lot of advice here (good and 'not so good' and I expect that at this point you're overwhelmed and probably seeing your marriage and finances in a new (and scary) light.

I hope you're taking time to process everything you've read here. Remember that you need to think long term not short term. Ask yourself what you want your life to look like 10, 20, 30 years from now and are you on the right road to end up where you want to be?

I wish you all the best. Don't be afraid of change. And don't be afraid to reach out IRL to those who truly care for your welfare.

CollsR · 09/04/2026 16:16

Butterflywings84 · 06/04/2026 22:44

So he earns more than you but you are paying the majority of the household bills and then he still wants money from you as he runs out. YANBU to not give him more money but you are unreasonable to have ended up in that situation- why aren’t the bills split more evenly between you in the first place?

Exactly right. And he gambles what he has left over? YANBU. He needs more than a budget. He might need help to stop gambling.

CathyFitzs · 09/04/2026 19:13

He is a gambler, he won’t change. You are enabling his gambling and he is using you to fund his addiction.if you stop
guving him more money he will simply go secretly into debt as he obviously has done before. You cannot change him but you can change the way you behave. No one on here will give you a magic solution to stop him overspending, stop procrastinating. Walk away.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 11/04/2026 11:25

He's a gambler, if he's using more money than he has got, then he's an addict. You're enabling him by giving cash. You need to speak to gamblers anonymous or whoever the appropriate body is, you need to stop enabling him and he needs to quit. I've no doubt he's either not properly paying relative back or has somehow borrowed from them for gambling, I strongly suspect he has more debt from it than you know too.

TheAngryPuxie · 11/04/2026 21:39

You should both tot up b8lls,etc and put enough into joint account to pay these. Then have your own private accounts for your hobbies, treats, gifts for each other, etc. If he runs out quicker than you then tough tit. And if you do need that extra milk, etc make sure there's enough in joint account for it. If he earns more thsn you he can more into joint account. I exoect you do more than your fair share of cleaning, cooking, etc, and it sounds like you take care of the sums as well.

YellowScarf · 11/04/2026 22:27

TheAngryPuxie · 11/04/2026 21:39

You should both tot up b8lls,etc and put enough into joint account to pay these. Then have your own private accounts for your hobbies, treats, gifts for each other, etc. If he runs out quicker than you then tough tit. And if you do need that extra milk, etc make sure there's enough in joint account for it. If he earns more thsn you he can more into joint account. I exoect you do more than your fair share of cleaning, cooking, etc, and it sounds like you take care of the sums as well.

Setting up a joint account with a gambler is a very bad idea.

Comebypig · 12/04/2026 09:23

I lost all my inheritance doing this, please don’t do it.

Now getting divorced and I won’t see it back.

pipthomson · 12/04/2026 18:59

Have a look at the gamblers anonymous website- lots of links to advice for family and friends !

Vconcerned1 · 12/04/2026 19:21

Burgundyflower · 06/04/2026 22:47

I’ve tried having discussions about our expenses but he gets very defensive.

Because he's addicted to gambling.

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