To expect my kids to join me on a short walk?

[AnonymousMum38]

It's a lovely day. I have spent the whole bank holiday weekend redoing my kids' (DS13 and DD10 bedrooms. This morning we went to IKEA for breakfast and picked up the last couple of bits. They're both really happy with the new rooms but have not helped as much as I'd have liked and I'm exhausted.

I wanted to stop for a walk on the way back while the sun was out. I pulled up by a lovely park and said let's go stroll around for 15 minutes to blow the cobwebs away. We've been in all weekend.

My son refused. Point blank refused to get out the car. Baring in mind I had just bought him breakfast, a new desk, a new wardrobe, and new colour changing lights he wanted. Spent 3 full days sorting it all out for him. Plus giving him Easter eggs, Lego and a book yesterday.

I just wanted some time outside with my family. I'm so sorry so fed up with being stuck inside. He says go without him but to me that's not the point, I wanted to spend time with him.

So, AIBU to expect him to come out even if he wasn't really keen?

We are in a similar position of needing to update bedrooms with age-appropriate furniture, etc. There is a surprising amount of logistics involved, and you've done the hard yards - shouldering all the load yourself, by the sounds of things. I'm not quite as charitable as you and will be instructing the benefactors of the updates to participate with a capital 'P' when a birthday triggers a modernisation project to be kicked off. I know it's satisfying getting these projects done, especially with the extra hours at work providing the funding. However, the blighters tend to be more appreciative if they've got skin in the game and worked their socks off to make it happen. Share the load!

Oh good grief, we never “skivvied” for our DC, they all were expected to pull their weight at home. They all went through phases of absolutely not wanting to “go for a walk” and living in their bedrooms and forcing the issue was pointless.

It doesn’t seem to have prevented any from becoming well adjusted adults entirely capable of considering others.

Lots of sympathy op.

From their point of view you were just their mum mumming - sorting bedrooms, providing food, - they’re not old enough yet to understand the realities of time, money and energy. You’re about 15-20 years ahead of yourself expecting gratitude or any real awareness of your actual personhood.

Were they on their phones?

Pretty much the opposite IME.

We went for family walks since DD was very young and sometimes she winged about it. Like a PP we introduced geocaching and that made a big difference.

By the time she was 13, though, she began enjoying the walk for its own sake and needed no persuasion. As an older teen and young adult she even joined us on walking holidays and at Uni was in the hiking club.

I suspect that he has no clue that he owed you a walk for the work that you did. If you felt like that then you should have said so because some people would argue that providing a bedroom is parental responsibility. I know you have upgraded them to more than the basics that a child should get but if the work is conditional then you should have said. While you were desperate to go out, a person who enjoys staying at home would argue that going to Ikea or the tip counts as going out.

Did you want to go for a walk at a place where you could have bumped into someone you knew? My local Ikea is 10 minutes away so the probability would be very high for me.

Yeah, I think the issue here arose earlier than the walk.

I can't imagine how awful it would be to go for a walk with a 13 year old that didn't want to be there - in a hiff, refusing to speak to you, deliberately dragging his feet
This is not a hill to die on

I have to bribe my 15 year old to come out on a walk unfortunately. And he protests for a long time

Sympathies OP! I have 10 and 13yr old girls and honestly to get them to even leave the house this holiday has been excruciating! I have a toddler who loves to go out walking and every single day I try to get them to come along, it’s like pulling teeth

Same

I'm pretty amazed at the responses on here. I see myself as a very liberal parent by Mumsnet standards usually, but I would be absolutely appalled if my 13 year old flatly refused to do something small like this, that I asked her to do.

We had a day at home today, I let her stay in bed for ages, mostly we just watched films, she did some gaming, etc etc, but I asked her to go for a walk with me in the park for half an hour, and play a game of Scrabble with me this afternoon, and to be honest I didn't enter my head that she would refuse either, and I would have been seriously pissed off if she had tried to.

Asking him to walk with you for 15 minutes is really not a huge imposition, and it's not ok for him just to be ignoring perfectly reasonable requests.

I would sit him down and have a talk about how being a family involves give and take. It sounds like he gets a lot of things he wants - sometimes it's only fair that you get things you want too.

Also not sure why people think he is entitled to be bought breakfast at a cafe. Yes you are obliged to feed him, however he behaves, but that can just be cereal or toast at home - a meal out is a treat and yes it is something he should be grateful for.

I hated it as a child come to think of i still do.

Sorry you feel this way. A walk is so good on many levels, but each to his own.

I mean i dont mind the odd trot or a mooch around town, but not a full on walking trip or day.

So if your children didn't want to eat any vegetables, or get an education, or brush their teeth, you wouldn't try to make them do so?

Getting outside in the fresh air and getting some UV and some exercise is massively beneficial to health. It's not good for kids to spend two weeks inside gaming and watching TV, even if that's their preference.

I am absolutely in favour of giving kids a fair bit of downtime over the holidays, but all day everyday is too much, and no good for their mental or physical health!

I have to admit that was my first thought, especially going for a walk in the park. Not cool enough if he sees one of his mates.
It's probably okay if they see him getting new stuff and food in IKEA. My eldest DD will now go out with me but she's 19, there were certainly a few years when she didn't want to be spotted with her mum.
I'd have gone for a walk by myself or with DD if she was willing.

This. Imagine he meets the lads from school and he is out walking with his mum! Mine would walk anywhere with me on holidays but back home at 13 they were 4 steps behind me. Its an awkward age but they will grow out of it. Don't take it personal. Try and remember being a teenager.

You shouldn’t be in a situation where this is happening. Ungrateful gits. My kids are 11 and 9, so maybe something is about to change that I don’t anticipate. I hope not. I would at their current age just not be putting up with this. (I would probably say if pushed that the consequence of being a selfish git was driving back to IKEA and returning all of the stuff in the uniquely painful return place.)

It is sad, but there's not much you can do.

On some sunny day in years to come,
He'll find an old snap of his smiling Mum.

Recalling that day and that trivial row,
He'll wish he could go for a walk with her now.

A fine sunny walk where the flowers all shone,
But it's too late now, for Mum's long gone...

(Melancholy music in the background).

Thats the type of mum that will onky be called once a month in the future. Mums who use emotional blackmail just get worse and worse, and We've woken up to the fact we don't owe them anything. Its a parent's job to clothe and feed you.

Yes, so many people on here are only seeing that the children didn't want to walk.

The situation is more complicated than that.

A walk on the way back from shopping? That sounds absolutely horrendous, what were you thinking? Most people just want to get home after the hell that is shopping. Just leave them in the car or take them home and then go for a walk.