To expect my kids to join me on a short walk?

[AnonymousMum38]

It's a lovely day. I have spent the whole bank holiday weekend redoing my kids' (DS13 and DD10 bedrooms. This morning we went to IKEA for breakfast and picked up the last couple of bits. They're both really happy with the new rooms but have not helped as much as I'd have liked and I'm exhausted.

I wanted to stop for a walk on the way back while the sun was out. I pulled up by a lovely park and said let's go stroll around for 15 minutes to blow the cobwebs away. We've been in all weekend.

My son refused. Point blank refused to get out the car. Baring in mind I had just bought him breakfast, a new desk, a new wardrobe, and new colour changing lights he wanted. Spent 3 full days sorting it all out for him. Plus giving him Easter eggs, Lego and a book yesterday.

I just wanted some time outside with my family. I'm so sorry so fed up with being stuck inside. He says go without him but to me that's not the point, I wanted to spend time with him.

So, AIBU to expect him to come out even if he wasn't really keen?

At 13, I would have rather have scraped my own eyeball out than go for a walk with my parents.

I don't like this idea that kids "owe" their parents things like going for a walk in return for parents meeting their basic obligations. Your children aren't old enough to move out and decorate their own bedrooms so of course that falls to you to to the parents to do. I'm not that kids should be ungrateful or have things handed to them on a plate, but having a decent bedroom is a responsibility of a parent. I'm not sure why your children owe you for this.

I'd have left him in the car and doubled the walk time.

Ungrateful little sods! It wouldn’t have hurt them to do it for your sake.

This!
I’m gobsmacked by the posters implying it’s emotional blackmail, or that they don’t ’owe you’, to expect some reciprocal effort from your children.
By not being a thoughtless little git, most children would want to do something in their mums interest (even if it’s a little boring to them) given the lovely morning they’ve had.

Yes, I agree with this; perfectly expressed.

I would have liked my children to go for a walk with me as it is nice thing for all of us to do is one thing

I need them to come for a walk becaue i can list things I have done for them is emotional blackmail

Sorry you have been so roasted OP. You sound like a very selfless person and it really hurts when your kids are ungrateful.

Everyone saying walks are boring are obviously not going to interesting enough places. My kids love a walk. Granted the 14 year old boy moans prior but then enjoys it. It’s our chance to all catch up in lovely surroundings and we usually end up at a pub/cafe or get an ice cream. The 14 year old even reluctantly joined (and then very much loved!) an Easter egg hunt walk this weekend. The amount of time I stand around skateparks and lakes whilst the boys do their things they can absolutely chat to me whilst we walk or run around with the smaller boy. Sometimes we all have to do things that are boring to us to make others happy. Being bored is a good life skill to have and getting outside is always going to be beneficial.

I hope you managed to get outside in the sunshine yesterday day OP?

YANBU but this is just the beginning of the teen years and I've learnt to pick my battles. We're currently on holiday and DD15 doesn't even want to go to places she said she wanted to go to a couple of weeks ago, so I feel your pain. Go without them, or they'll try to ruin your mood.

Odd comments. Out of interest - those that don’t like walks, when is the last time you’ve actually been to one?
Op wanted fifteen mins out in the park to enjoy the spring sun with her children - of course she’s not unreasonable to expect them to join.
No wonder there’s a mental health crisis if people are so quick to justify not wanting to be outdoors for such a short time.
Op, if you suspect it’s because they’d rather scroll on their phones sitting in the car, I’d take that option away.

Yep agree with this.

And also with the previous poster who thought they were little shits 😂.

My eldest son loves a walk/fell walk or woodland etc. The middle one now drives everywhere....and still hates walking.

My teens like going for walks and even if I had wanted to stop and do something they weren't keen on they would've been appreciative enough of my time and money being spent on them all weekend that they would've humoured me. I might have suggested a trip back to Ikea to return ungrateful teens new stuff in your shoes op.

I understand you wanting them to join you on the walk but your post sounds like you feel they owe you something because you fed them, provided furniture and got them a few treats for easter. I certainly hope that's not the case or that's really shitty to make your relationship with your kids transactional and you won't likely have a good one with them when they're older (I know because my mother acted and still acts like this)

So the getting stuff came with a prior agreement they only got it on the basis they did things with you? I get you’ve been really nice to them but forcing them to go for a walk because you did that is odd. I don’t like going for a walk with no purpose, it’s just not me, if we didn’t have a dog I’d never do it and my DC (very similar ages) are the same, as most teenagers are.

Hmm, you can perhaps argue he ought to have come but would you actually have got pleasure from a walk with a 13 year old who you both knew didn't want to be there? You can't make someone enjoy something, and nor can they force themselves to do so out of gratitude. Personally I'm not sure I'd get much happiness from the pretence.

Yes he should have come to walk with you. It’s not about the walking it’s about doing something nice for another person. He should want to join you in doing something that you enjoy especially after everything you has done for the kids this weekend.

im ahocked by the responses on this thread although it does maybe explain why there is an increase in entitlement around

@u3ername I agree.

Think this is really sad OP on two points.

Learning the fact that being outside and getting some air, having a short walk is good for your mental health is a valuable skill for early teens.

I don't think this is transactional love. It's doing something for someone else because you care about them and it makes them happy. An important skill to teach a young 13 yo male surely. Even in small doses.

I’d pick your battles. It’s not worth getting upset about. Go for a walk on your own and enjoy the peace.

😂I'm surprised op is not aware of this well known teen thing

That is a shame @BoredZelda

i used to walk with my DD all her life BUT had to make her a bit between 12 and 14 after her loving it as a kid.
but she did learn that walking in nice places and getting outside helped her head and now she goes for a walk when she's stressed after work.
I have always walked with her tho - even as a tiny baby in a sling or pram so those years of not wanting to do it were brief x

"I have just spent all this money sorting your rooms out and got you all the things you wanted, and we have had a nice breakfast. The least you can do, is spend time with me on a short walk."

That's not the point though.

It's great to encourage children to walk, but in this instance it has been linked to what the op has done for her children, so creating emotional pressure.

The care and thoughtfulness she has shown for her children would be better to stand alone.

The walk would be better encouraged only with reference to the lovely weather and feeling good after a little time in the sun.

Another who doesn't like aimless walking, I have to walk because I don't drive through choice, but there has to be a destination to go to.
It's probably an age thing with OP's kids, I hated all the 'let's go for a walk / sing/ watch a boring film' thing when I was 13/14. I would go out with my mates or stay in my room too for choice.
As for 'blowing the cobwebs away' mum used to say this and I used to thing it was daft because I wasn't old enough to have cobwebs on me anyway😀
Forced fun is not fun at any age if you aren't enjoying it.

So many posts where adult children don’t consider their feelings of parents, where teens don’t consider their future above immediate gratification or above their urge to be a twat at school - about enormous personal entitlement and a lack of thought for others. I encourage my children to be thoughtful and to see me as a human who it is kind to do thoughtful things for. A fifteen min stroll isn’t going to kill them to join in with and yeah I wouldn’t be chuffed. There is a transactional element in relationships - the kinder you both are the better.

These days all of mine would do a quick stroll because they aren’t hugely entitled and will suffer some experiences that aren’t their first choice but one never does a proper walk and that is ok because he hates it and does other kind things for me and others. It’s about the consideration rather than the walk in the long term. They visit grandparents when they might have other fun activities they could do and do kind things for others - my walk hater always comes shopping with me and does other nice things.

Whenever they were thoughtless as they grew we would have a chat afterwards and make sure they understood life is give and take but I listened too. I listen to other parents of older children now and think we got this right as my kids treat me beautifully and while I do lots for them they very much appreciate it. I am appalled by how many good mums I know are treated like staff or walking taxi ATMs. So yeah don’t worry about this walk but don’t lower those expectations.

No kid wants to go for a walk.

Can totally see why you wanted to though, so bit shit they didnt.

My FIL tries to guilt trip us into walks because he thinks "going for a walk" is some sort of superior middle class "activity"