To expect my kids to join me on a short walk?

[AnonymousMum38]

It's a lovely day. I have spent the whole bank holiday weekend redoing my kids' (DS13 and DD10 bedrooms. This morning we went to IKEA for breakfast and picked up the last couple of bits. They're both really happy with the new rooms but have not helped as much as I'd have liked and I'm exhausted.

I wanted to stop for a walk on the way back while the sun was out. I pulled up by a lovely park and said let's go stroll around for 15 minutes to blow the cobwebs away. We've been in all weekend.

My son refused. Point blank refused to get out the car. Baring in mind I had just bought him breakfast, a new desk, a new wardrobe, and new colour changing lights he wanted. Spent 3 full days sorting it all out for him. Plus giving him Easter eggs, Lego and a book yesterday.

I just wanted some time outside with my family. I'm so sorry so fed up with being stuck inside. He says go without him but to me that's not the point, I wanted to spend time with him.

So, AIBU to expect him to come out even if he wasn't really keen?

Well, it's taken me 3 days but I finally got DS, age 14, out for a walk with me and the dog in the local area, so anyone could have seen us. 🙄🤣.
Sympathies OP, they are ungrateful, miserable little toads, mine included.

I think they've probably had a nice morning with you and you've spoilt it demanding he goes on a walk.

What is it with people forcing walks on others particularly? He wasn't stopping you doing it.

13 is peak walk-refusal age in my experience.

Going to the park for frisbee or a kick about is typically more appealing to kids than a walk, which oft sounds uninteresting to them.

Personally I wouldn't be doing up their rooms unless it was their birthdays or Xmas. And yes, if I wanted some time outdoors in return for a treat, I would get that agreement before heading off the breakfast treat - otherwise it's abandoned and instead a quick piece of toast before setting off.

🤣🤣🤣

I remember hating ‘going for a walk’ as a kid. The sense of dread when on a family trip and someone pipes up ‘Ooh shall we go for a nice walk?’

But now I like going for a walk and can inflict it on my children.

You hit the nail on the head; at the same age I was almost convinced that my parents plotted to find ways to embarrass me in public. Possibly by just breathing.

Well I've upped my hours at work recently to full time, and their rooms were both well overdue sorting out. Think wardrobe doors hanging off, handles missing and base of drawers falling through! They both had a lot of younger stuff and clutter hanging around and it was making the rooms unusable. So while I updated the boring stuff and did umpteen tip and charity shop runs, I also made them nicer and more age appropriate. Painted a feature wall of their choice each, some cool lighting etc. The upshot should be that they are easier for them to keep tidy, put clothes away etc.

Geocaching. Get them out geocaching! Mine are usually up for a treasure hunt 🪎🚶🚶‍♀️🚶‍♂️☀️

I'm of the opinion, pick your battles OP. You're in that phase where I'm afraid, if you get offended by something as mild as this you're going to get a shock later on!

Teens can utterly horrible, just really selfish but hopefully you'll be rewarded with lovely adult children that do want to do boring things like this with you again.

My now 19 year old DD hated going for walks with me or anything 'lame' like that. So I never pushed it and had nice peaceful walk alone at my own pace (I HATE slow walking). Now it's her asking me if I want to go for a walk or to the garden centre!!!

I would have asked if they fancied stopping for a walk/ play in the park/sit in the sun while you were near the park (99/100 times they'd have said 'yeah!!' But if the teen had said no I'd have just let them wait in the car (unless they really didn't want to) & the 10 year old too (if they'd be ok together) but take them with me if not.

it has nothing to do with doing up their rooms, buying them breakfast or Easter eggs & Lego.
they don't 'owe' you for doing normal
parent things. If you see it that way, then that's a bit crap.

If they had been mardy about YOU doing it while they waited in the car, then they'd have been told not to be so selfish!!

The issue of them not being so involved in
doing their rooms is separate. Why do you think they weren't very interested?

He says go without him but to me that's not the point, I wanted to spend time with him.

This clearly isn't true. You had just spent time with him in IKEA, shopping and having breakfast. You could have spent time with him doing something else, but you insisted on walking. You have just made a long list of things you did for him, which is fair enough, but don't pretend this wasn't about him doing something for you in return.

Because at 13 I think they’re old enough to make their own choices in some areas like this.

At 10, they are not

Why not? What do you listen to in the car or around the house? There’s nothing wrong at all with children being exposed to things they don’t necessarily enjoy. You shouldn’t pander to them constantly and only do things they like, that’s absolutely ridiculous and just not how real life actually works.

OP, your DC are sadly selfish teenagers. They absolutely should have joined you on the short walk, especially given the effort you’ve single handedly put into their new bedrooms.

I never spring a walk on dc, tend to say I'm going for a walk in 20 mins if your up for coming along. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. No big deal.

You're not unreasonable but you’re also not alone. DD14 doesn’t see the ‘point’ of a walk if you’re not going anywhere. DS12 is glued to his gadgets and football cards this holiday.

If we go somewhere like national trust, they will walk quite happily but that’s an outing walk. They won’t just leave the house for a walk - despite living in the heart of the downs.

They're adults now and yes, they did listen to classical music in the car.
I've never been accused of pandering to my children before. People usually say I'm too strict.

He's 13! I doubt a walk with his mum appeals much at this age 😂 He's already spent the morning with you, shopping and having breakfast and wanted to go home and enjoy his new room. Try not to take it personally, it's just being a teenager.

What a weird flex 🤣

She asked him to go for a quick walk with her not a kidney

I can understand why you are disappointed but they don’t ‘owe’ you a walk I’m afraid, even if you might like them to oblige. I’d have gone on my own and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

This sums it up

13 is a selfish age and I do imagine he just wanted to be home in his new bedroom, but, I don't think it would have been unreasonable of you to let him sit in the car while you went for a walk.

Kids may be inherently selfish, but think of you still having a walk as showing both the kids that mum shouldn't always put herself last.

Something that really resonated with me when my kids were younger was that 'mum shouldn't always take the burnt chop'. I took that on literally and figuratively from that point. They didn't always get it back then, but the subtle message was always there, women shouldn't be expected to put their own needs last.

Next time, have a walk and leave them in the car. If you can, come back while eating an ice cream. 😉

Edited to add: Don't beg or bribe them though, offer the walk with you or stay in the car alternative. I'm sure you would have bought them an ice cream too if they'd been with you, not your fault that they preferred the car. I would definitely have pointed out that you were doing things for them though, and needed the walk for your own wellbeing.

Walk by yourself without the soundtrack of teenage moaning. Much more revitalising!

I have inadvertently ended up with a child who needs to get outside at least twice a day otherwise he turns into a demon. I'm sure its partly to do with being a lockdown toddler. Sometimes all I want to do is sit and read a book for 5 minutes. "Lets go for a walk, a really long one this time!" Careful what you wish for 🤣

(I love it really, hope he never gets too old to be seen out in public with his mum!)

I’m another one who hates forced walks, back then and now. Sorry OP!