To expect my kids to join me on a short walk?

[AnonymousMum38]

It's a lovely day. I have spent the whole bank holiday weekend redoing my kids' (DS13 and DD10 bedrooms. This morning we went to IKEA for breakfast and picked up the last couple of bits. They're both really happy with the new rooms but have not helped as much as I'd have liked and I'm exhausted.

I wanted to stop for a walk on the way back while the sun was out. I pulled up by a lovely park and said let's go stroll around for 15 minutes to blow the cobwebs away. We've been in all weekend.

My son refused. Point blank refused to get out the car. Baring in mind I had just bought him breakfast, a new desk, a new wardrobe, and new colour changing lights he wanted. Spent 3 full days sorting it all out for him. Plus giving him Easter eggs, Lego and a book yesterday.

I just wanted some time outside with my family. I'm so sorry so fed up with being stuck inside. He says go without him but to me that's not the point, I wanted to spend time with him.

So, AIBU to expect him to come out even if he wasn't really keen?

You are being extremely extremely unreasonable, OP @AnonymousMum38

Weekends are for the kids enjoyment, not yours.

That is very much the point and the rest is just context to help you put yourself in Op’s shoes.

Surely you decorated the children's rooms because you're the parent and it's your job to provide decent accomodation for them. You shouldn't demand rewards for parenting.

With regard to the walk, you go if you want to, but stop trying to force others to do 'leisure activities' they they don't want to do and aren't fun for them.

You couldn't be more unreasonable if you tried @AnonymousMum38 and I am surprised at the poll result. You don't force ANYone to do anything they don't want to do. Including children. And I agree with other posters that you shouldn't expect payment because you do things for them. They're your children, you chose to have them, you do things because you're their mother. A mother-child relationship is not transactional.

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They would hate me, my idea of a short walk is an hour, it’s a family in joke. We didn’t have a car growing up so walked everywhere and I used to be able to hike 20 miles a day when young. I have always just gone out alone if the family don’t want to come. There was a Christmas week where there was a lot of snow where we lived and they didn’t leave the house for a week, I just went out in the snow every day including walking about 1.5 miles to a mates house wearing about 10 layers as it was -12. She gave me the nickname the onion due to my layers.

Just go out without them.

You have a peculiar attitude to your 'new room creativity' self gratifying 'lovely day fun walk, disappointment'. Why on earth should kids want to 'reward' you in this way?! So long as they have said please and thank you, why would you expect more? My mother used to bleat on saying "I've hoovered this house from top to bottom" or "I haven't been out of this house today" as if it had anything to do with me/I was interested/she deserved some kind of medal. It's a similar concept; she was a full time housewife and I used to think "what are you telling me that for-it's your job". She still does things like that to this day and I find her emotionally exhausting. I know of few, if any, kids who like to 'go for a walk' 'appreciate a nice day' and similarly a 'nice view'. My kids were like that - and now they spend their early 20's joining me and DP at every available opportunity hiking up fells in the Lakes. Forcing human beings into appreciation never works.

@abracadabra1980 "she was a full time housewife and I used to think "what are you telling me that for-it's your job"

So you saw your mum as nothing more than a skivvy?

I love a walk. I’ve yet to meet a tween or teen who did.

Or Pokémon Go

I'm in agreement with you OP and surprised at the responses on here.

This is the saddest thread. I’m so glad my children are being brought up to view me and their dad as humans in our right and not just skivvies. No one is saying that parenting is transactional however it’s not unreasonable to expect teens to give back 15 minutes of time to do something nice for their parent. Or anyone for that matter. I genuinely fear for this generation when they grow up in to adults and try to enter the workplace. And I feel sad for the mums on here who are happy to be treated like shit by their kids.

Kids are selfish bastards. YANBU to want them to join you but the tween-teen years are largely empty of any sense of gratitude from them.

I feel your pain OP. I have a 13 Yr old and a 9 year old. 9 year old too young to be left alone so I either have to have a fight about it or go alone.

I am looking forward to my husband and I just being able to go without them tbh!

Yip that will create a great relationship....

This is the other aspect that is important. If kids were never made to do things they don’t want they tend to spend ever more time on tech in their well decorated bedrooms and miss out on learning that other stuff can be fun. They miss out on enjoying things they thought they were too cool for.
While children didn’t ask to be born and deserve a decent bedroom they deserve to be parented too and there is a chasm between pleasing mum and going for a short stroll and living a life of obsequiousness and grinding obligation.

Shame you can’t undo the work you did in their rooms…

This is what I was thinking OP! You’ve just finished their lovely new rooms and you’ve got some bits at ikea, they are probably dying to sort it all out and chill in their rooms.
I wouldn’t get too bothered OP.

It's not unreasonable. I think it's completely fair for you to be clear verbally to your children that it upset you. It's not an expectation because you've spent money on them and time on their rooms but it's OK to tell them that you felt sad that they didn't want to join you on a walk.

I get it. I have teenage children and it's often only the youngest who'll come with me on longer walks or days out. He's 14 but loves exploring the woods, castles etc so that works in my favour.

They are all often busy though so I have found peace in using that time to listen to an audiobook while I walk our dog (please don't start the "you shouldn't wear headphones when you walk your dog thing, he is deaf and can't hear me, I still interact with him, he is very old and trots alongside me).

Pick your battles, but also it's OK for them to know you have feelings too if you're explaining them in a calm way.

why on earth should there be no enjoyment for parents? This is how you raise completely self centred adults who have zero care or respect for anyone else but themselves.

I would have been more insistent that they help with the work of transforming their rooms.

Better to enjoy the walk on your own than with a non-walk-lover.

I do think it depends on the child. My lot (15, 17, 19) might be a bit reluctant when I say let's go to the beach or for a walk but once they go they will mess around and have a giggle together. (Same when they were younger so I would push it unless one outright refused). If they are the type of kid who is going to complain all the way and spoil the walk for you then it's definitely not worth pushing it.

I don't think most 13-year-old boys get much enjoyment out of going for a walk with their mum, OP

The thing is, even if they would have joined you for a walk, they'd have probably moaned / been miserable and it wouldn't have been enjoyable anyway.

We went through a phase of trying to get DSD (14) out for dog walks and honestly it was just painful. We don't bother now 😂

So sad to hear so many posters dismiss the idea of going for a walk. It’s a great way to spend time together, to talk away from distractions and to enjoy nature and the outdoors, and to get your kids to appreciate this. At the age of 13, my kids would not have been opting out.

I disagree with @BatchCookBabe. Everyone does from time to time have to be made to do things they don’t want to do and it’s important to learn how to compromise.

He’s 13 - a kidney would be more realistic.

Pick your battles OP. You are not unreasonable to ask but you are unrealistic to expect this age group to enthusiastically join you for random and ad hoc walking plans.

Go yourself, enjoy the sunshine and let him enjoy his new bedroom. He will be spending most of the next few years there, get used to it!