AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

@Tigerbalmshark I didn’t go to private school, that isn’t my background. These are people I have met through uni, NCT, neighbours, partners of colleagues, friends, family, DHs friends, school parents etc.

Perhaps it’s because I live in London.

@Tigerbalmshark so are the privately educated not over represented in medicine?

Yes, 20% privately educated vs 7% of all children. Still a minority overall.

No of course it doesn't. When have everyone said that. If you're parents valued education and supported you are also Privileged according to this thread..

There are children who are abused and used as ash trays. Or parents who prioritise drugs. I consider them to be feckless.

@Tigerbalmshark google tells me otherwise.

“Additionally, the 7 per cent of the UK population educated at independent fee-paying schools, make up 22 per cent of medicine and dentistry undergraduates and 51 per cent of the most influential doctors in the profession.”

And of course not going to private school doesn’t mean you are from an impoverished background & haven’t had help with uni fees & house deposits.

I would still think most medicine grads come from a higher socio economic background.

They might be from different walks of life, but both those walks were on the privileged side of life. That experience is very much not normal.

This is brilliant for you and your children and your friends but very far from normal. The only friends DD (32) has who have managed to buy a house are those with inheritances or an unusually high paying job. Birthday presents would be £20-£30. Many of her friends are in flat shares and likely to remail so. What's the phrase? 'Check your privilege?'

I don't want to be picky but I wouldn't call £100K a small inheritance. £5-10K would be a small inheritance but nonetheless welcome.

I meant small compared to what the OP was talking about - not enough to buy an house outright. And, as I said, I’m privileged to have it. Not sure why it needed pickyness tbh.

Those are literally the same figures I just gave you? 7% of the overall population, 22% of medical graduates. 22% is not a majority of doctors.

51% of “the most influential doctors”, whatever that might include, is still not a majority overall.

I’m almost feeling a bit sorry for OP now, but it sounds as though she’s just a bit daft rather than there being any malice in her. You don’t know what you don’t know and I think there are always going to be people who think their lives are average simply because they don’t know anyone whose life is any different.

But surely she watches TV and films and reads books?

Or aware of news
The Cost of Living crisis has been a thing for several years now and one of Labours reasons for scrapping the 2 child benefit cap was to lift a significant proportion of children out of poverty. You'd have to be living under a rock not to be aware if these (and many other) things.....

The average FT salary is £37k.

Volunteer at a homeless shelter or at a children's centre on a council estate.

Apply to go on rich house poor house or whatever that programme is called.

I'm not sure that's necessarily what OP wants. I think that will show here that there are some people a lot worse off than her, but I think she knows that already. What she needs to understand is that the "average normal" (whatever that means) person is not as well off as her.

I'd like to question OP's assertion that "I don’t live in a particularly affluent area. I mix with a range of people from different backgrounds."

You don't live in an affluent area, but you have assumed that everyone can be a home owner. So there are no people private renting or in council houses or HA houses in your area? How big are the residences? Mostly family houses, or a range of accommodation. Depending on your answer to those questions, do you still agree you don't live in an affluent area?

Also "I mix with a range of people from different backgrounds". Frankly - I don't believe it. I have a professional job, and I mix mostly with people with similar professional jobs, but even within that (above average) demographic I can see a range of backgrounds - there are plenty struggling to save for house deposits (with no family help); struggling to pay childcare; who can't afford holidays unless it's a cheap Sun holiday or similar; who've chosen to live in cheaper areas because it's all they can afford. (And all these people would still consider themselves privileged, by the way).

My DC's friends are from the local comprehensive, which is genuinely mixed socioeconomically (is the school where your DC goes? That should give you a clue as to the people you mix with and whether they are "typical"). From their schoolmates, I see a huge range - those moving from temporary accommodation to temporary accommodation; the children who are carers for disabled parents; those who are sharing rooms with a sibling in a 1 bedroom flat while parents sleep in the lounge; those whose houses are run down with no carpet. etc.

I'm afraid it sounds like your world is just very small. Go out and mix with - just about anyone. Join a local club; volunteer at a local school; talk to different people at work or some of those "non-affluent" neighbours

Yes, for anyone with any interest in what’s going on with other people. But if she’s daft enough to think that you just rock up at your local council and they hand you the keys to a three bedroom house when you need one, then she’s probably daft enough to think that the CoL crisis means everyone only goes on two long haul holidays each year and they have to supplement that with European city breaks. I mean, she believes that someone being a single parent makes them from a different walk of life, even though they’ve had the same financial help she has, so she’s clearly not mixing with anyone who is really struggling and without any support.

I think it’s just a case of a lack of life experience and a lack of common sense. Nobody I know works in finance, but I very much doubt she’s handing out advice on how to stretch your state pension so you get to eat and be warm at the same time. I don’t think there’s any malice in it, I think she’s just a bit dozy. There’s not much difference between her and responses to skint posters on here along the lines of ‘book into a hotel, treat yourself to a spa day, book your own holiday’ etc. It’s just outside of her sphere of understanding.

Where? And in what type of profession? I’ve never earned that in my whole career .

It’s the average across the working population.

Troll

They save up.

Hmm, do you happen to have come from Greece with a thirst for knowledge and studied sculpture at St Martin’s College, OP?

Neither of us went to private school! While I had a brilliant state education, my DH went to some of the worst schools in the country (immigrant doctor parents who had to restart specialty training in the UK and didn’t understand the UK education system). I have multiple siblings and my mum was a SAHM so while my dad has a professional occupation and their house is no doubt worth a small fortune, they’re not in a financial position to gift my siblings and I huge sums of money. I have plenty of medic friends in the same position as us - it’s a more diverse profession than most people realise. Especially because such a high proportion are immigrants and from immigrant backgrounds.

Is that you, Jarvis?

If you can still afford these 7 small luxuries then you are better off than many others in the average UK family

1. A weekly takeaway without guilt
2. What used to cost £20 is now £35–£50 for a family meal (even McDonald’s).
3. Spontaneous days out with the kids
4. A theme park day can easily hit £120+ before food & fuel.
5. Booking your hair without waiting for payday
6. The average women’s haircut is now £50–£70 (up massively in recent years).
7. Saying yes to every birthday invite or after-school club
8. Clubs are £7–£12 a session… plus £10–£20 gifts every time.
9. A last-minute weekend away “just because”
10. A UK Airbnb for 2 nights? £300+ before anything else.
11. Hair/nails without budgeting weeks in advance
12. Colour alone can now be £100+.
13. Cinema trips (with snacks!)
14. Family of 4? Easily £60–£80 for a couple of hours.

• UK food prices are up over 25% in just a few years
• Childcare for under-2s averages £11,000+ a year
• Energy bills are still significantly higher than before
• Nearly 1 in 5 UK families are now in in-work poverty.

I hope this helps OP. Please be sensitive.