AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

Are you privately educated? You seem to have a very sheltered view of other people's circumstances.

My husband and I come from (IMO) fairly normal, state-educated backgrounds but met doing professional training for a competitive industry. The vast, vast majority of our friends are privately educated. If we chose to only view the world through the lens of these particular friends, then yes, you are pretty average.

We got money towards our house deposit, and I need to remind myself of the fact that is a privileged position when many of our friends get another 5 figure sum to extend the house, or a 6 figure sum to buy a bigger house when they have another baby. And again when they are taken on multiple naice (skiing or a villa somewhere posh) holidays by their parents despite being in their 30s/40s and having kids of their own. And again when it was revealed they had never paid their own phone bill in their mid-20s. And again when whinging their parents never really give them thoughtful presents, just quite a lot of cold, hard cash at Christmas.

We don't get any of the latter things, but that doesn't mean we weren't privileged to have grown up in home-owning households who could pay the bills, to have average dual incomes now and to have had many thousands given to us to buy a house.

But we have encountered quite a range of people growing up, who have spent periods of their lives living through food scarcity, migration struggles, unable to afford train fares (so they had to get the bus or even walk) and had to limit socialising due to lack of money. So we do have some perspective.

My parents were working class hard-working home owners and always encouraged me in my education. I consider myself incredibly privileged to have had a loving, stable home, grammar school education and Oxford university. I had no financial hand outs like a lot of my peers, but I never lost sight of how privileged and grateful I was to have those non-material advantages. It is a pity that her clear advantages in life have failed to create a more intelligent and empathetic adult.

PS I doubt we will see much more from OP as her post and reactions have been exposed as ridiculous assuming it was ever a serious AIBU ....

Excuse me, what? Is this what you got from what I was saying? You think I want to keep poor kids “doomed” and that I’m alright with that? And are you calling all those less privileged parents “feckless”? Goodness me! I was highlighting a very real issue, just to offset your “you’re the maker of your own fortune” outlook. It’s true of course, but only to certain extent, because you seem to omit a whole barrage of variables that do influence outcomes in people’s lives. It’s not a level playing field for everyone.

Yeah, it's pretty privileged.

I think all you're proving is that people tend to hang out with people of similar socio-economic backgrounds.

You are so privileged & can’t even see it in your protected little bubble.
give me strength 🤦‍♀️

It's safe to say that you and your friends have been spoiled. This is not standard practice in the majority of families.

I would say it was for the MNs family but this thread is going against the grain.

If this is ‘Normal’ for everyone you know, why are you even asking ?

I agree calling people feckless is awful.

If it was that easy there wouldn't be people struggling everyone would have high paid jobs.

There are disabled people. People with disabilities learning difficulties.. there are barriers for some people.

@Dragonflytamer Academic intelligence isn't the same as understanding real life. Someone can be highly educated and still have very little awareness of barriers other people face.

What's lacking in OP is imagination. I surmise she isn't a reader of novels.

I reported this as I was hoping it was a troll. Sadly not (MNHQ says).

Well they certainly walk among us.

The quote I used way up thread "Are there no workhouses?" is a quote from Scrooge, when he sees the two wasted children under the ghost's mantle, and the ghost is mocking his earlier demand "Are there no workhouses". Since I googled it lots of stuff about the scene in the book has come up on my feed, so I had a read through, including the explanation that the children were called Ignorance and Want, and the appearance of Ignorance was far the worst because its the most dangerous of the two conditions. Ignorance like the OP's. I'd really have liked them to come back and say yes I was wrong, but the thing is its going to take a lot to convince them isn't it?

Maybe the ghost of MN Present?

(Although I do imagine the OP coming back on not having ever heard of Dickens and being excited that there might actually be workhouses ...)

Wouldn't surprise me! OP is either making stuff up to get a reaction or blindingly oblivious.

Sadly, some people are just dim.

You may be privileged. But your critical thinking skills are lacking and far below average. So that leads me to doubt your salary 😬

I just think the OP doesn't understand the contemporary usage of the word Privilege, nor to understand what average means.

That, or no a wind up

I struggle to see how the OP is earning £71K in a financial job, when she is
a) incapable of understanding what 'average' is (whether she wants to use mean median or mode)
b) is incapable of following any reports on any news media about how people who are different from herself live
c) is incapable of having a little google to see what people earn is jobs that must be visible to her even in her privileged bubble.

Oh, and I've just been told to check my own privilege on another thread for suggesting the OP might enroll her dc in swimming lessons or cubs

I find it really odd that you know what handouts your friends / acquaintances are getting from family. If I was gifted money by a family member I'd keep it to myself, except perhaps with very close friends e.g. if they asked how I managed to move house or something. I have absolutely no idea what my friends have been gifted by their family members and I wouldn't dream of ever asking. It's private info not stuff to be bragging about.

I think you are very privileged, and I say this coming from a position of more privilege.

It isn’t a “fact” outside of your “circle”. DH and I own a heavily mortgaged £830k house. We’re 35 and 36. We bought it a year ago after saving for 12 years for a deposit while living in one bed flats including ex-council flats. We’re both doctors (now consultants) so on a higher salary than you and also worked lots of extra locum shifts over the years to help save. We have a huge mortgage. Most people I know get a house deposit from saving, not handouts.

@Plum02 Im surprised at that considering your work. All my doctor/surgeon friends come from very similar backgrounds (except 1), private school, family help with uni, & help with deposits.

Why not hit up AI platforms instead of Mumsnet or other random online spots? Those places are pretty nasty. I usually go straight to AI when I’ve got a question or problem—it’s way more helpful. Posting on Mumsnet feels like a waste of time. You’re already paying for the internet, so use it to lift yourself up, not drag you down. AI’s actually helping tons of people feel better, especially if you’re using it to learn, research, and grow. Plus, chatting with AI? Zero judgment, zero drama. Mumsnet? Super toxic unless you’re exactly their “type.”

The irony of such a badly written post clearly created by AI trying to make this point.

Feckless? Coming from a working class background doesn't mean that you had feckless parents.

My parents were not well off, but saw the importance of education and supported me as well as they could.

Three of my great-grandfathers died relatively young: that has a significant impact on any working class family.

I'd say that you're very privileged, OP.

I grew up in a council house, with my mum working 14 hour days and still counting the pennies.
When I met dh and we bought our first house, our deposit was £12,000 that we scrimped together without any help from any parents, as they were in no position to offer it.

My Mum passed away a couple of years ago, and I'll be honest, I was gobsmacked that she was able to leave around £4000 to be shared between my brother and I.

I really don't see the point of this thread to be honest, and with your "I think I'm average rather than priviled", you are being utterly disingenuous and showing an absolute lack of class.

That hasn’t been accurate for about 50 years. The vast majority of doctors (80% of currently entrants) went to state school.

You may know a group of people from a similar background to yourself but that doesn’t reflect the majority.