AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)
Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)
DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents

I had none of these. No help to buy a house, no money at birthday or Christmas and nothing from grandparents.

Not only are you privileged but are you too small in your world to realise that you hang out with a lot of other very privileged people.

There's privileged, and then there's ignorant and offemsive privileged llike you, OP.

I'm from a comfortable, middle class upbringing and extremely fortunate to have been adopted by my wonderful parents who gave me the chance to have a childhood in the Home Counties, with holidays, a good education and everything I could ask for.

In comparison to what my life could have been, living in the East End of London, growing up with my drug addict birth mum, it could have been dreadful.

My school friends were from a mixture of backgrounds, some extremely working class, living in constant chaos and fairly messy homes with a single parent. Then, the polar opposite were those friends whose lives were very blessed with their parents being extremely wealthy with large detached houses, and careers usually in excellent executive positions that probably means that they earned well over £100k.

So, in many ways, this gave me a great perspective of life, even from a comfortable and privileged position, I could see just how fortunate I have been - although I won't ever struggle, I'm very aware that my life could have been so much worse. And that of course, there are many whose lives are absolutely awful, very poor, and extremely unfortunate.

You'd think that someone like you might not need a yardstick to measure your wealth by, if you read the news or had an ounce of worldly wise awareness. Clearly, you have some work to do.

You are incredibly privileged. It's such a shame that you are unable to see that and feel that it's 'average'. I think you need to look outside your bubble and look at what most people are actually living.

I'm not sure how you inform yourself about how to vote in elections if you don't understand basic problems in society.

You probably aren't privileged compared to your friends, but you are compared to the rest of the UK.

Maybe you just don’t have much experience of life apart from people similar to your own standard of living?

Im a community nurse. You have mentioned council houses. There aren’t enough of them to serve the purpose you think they do! There are so many families in severely overcrowded, mouldy, damp and sometimes dangerous houses.
So many families behind with bills, in debt, unable to buy the basics.

My eldest child (mid 20s) and her partner moved into their own home after living with parents for a year after university - they saved 10k each for a deposit. We bought them gifts but didn’t pay their deposit. They have their home through their own hard work. Don’t assume that everyone with their own house has received financial help.

My husband and I both earn a bit more than the average wage. We don’t get any financial assistance from family including any large gifts but we do get Christmas and birthday presents from them - just nothing like the amount you have suggested.

I would say most of our friends are similar. Although not intentional, I think many people socialise with people similar to themselves which may be where your thought process about being average rather than privileged comes from?

Sounds like you aren't privileged compared to your friends!

I don’t know what would be considered average but you’re extremely privileged. There is nothing wrong with that, we can’t help our backgrounds. You do seem very naive about what life is like for less privileged people but if it isn’t something you’ve encountered, how would you know.
I have working class parents but they got a council house, when they were plentiful, then saved a deposit and were able to buy. Made money on a house they bought and prioritised savings over luxuries and holidays. They didn’t have financial support from their parents but did have childcare help. This has enabled them to retire early and live comfortably. They’ve also been able to give myself and my siblings financial help while studying, contribution towards weddings and taking us on holiday this year. They last took us on holiday 10 years ago.
Through my jobs, I have seen families that can’t even replace a pair of shoes a child has grown out of. Whole families in temporary accommodation for years, waiting for a more permanent home. People that can’t attend hospital appointments because they don’t have their bus fare. We never had lots of spare money growing up but we didn’t go without essentials. It was a shock to see how desperate some peoples situations are. Had it not been for my jobs, I wouldn’t have an understanding of how hard life is for some people.
I hope to be able to financially support my children, like my parents did. Grandparents have also been saving for them, which they’ll get as adults. My grandmothers only owned their council houses because their children bought them for them through right to buy. They were both single parents, with limited resources and no savings to leave in their wills.

That's no excuse for OP's ignorance.

Socially and professionally I have no connection with people outside my own privileged bubble, which isn't dissimilar to OP's. I do however have enough common sense and awareness to know just how privileged and not the norm my circle is.

Exactly, @PhaedraTwo . You don't need to have met people who use food banks to know that they exist, and why.

OP, read all your posts now. You claim to have friends from a variety of backgrounds but clearly don't if you think council housing is available for those who need it or they would be homeless ( though I do suspect you are a massive troll with that post). In the 1980s the Tories bought in the right to buy for tenants of council housing, at very cheap prices and with a guaranteed mortgage from the council, which has destroyed council housing. Huge proportions of properties were sold off ( when you walk down my parents street you can still easily spot many of the houses that were sold off as the owners have not been able to maintain and upgrade them), leaving just a rump of social housing. The decimation of the social housing sector is possibly the major contributory factor to high private rents as where else were people who could not afford to buy going to live? It created a demand in the private rented sector which outstripped supply, hence high rents. So yes, lots of people are homeless (which is not the same as roofless) or in overcrowded conditions.

You have friends who are the same as you, you meet your friends in affluent environments as you are affluent and so are they. You clearly do not follow the news as to what is happening in the country or to people who are not like you financially.

They save up. Like our home owning adult children did. There’s nothing magical about it.

We are an average middle class family.
DH worked hard and has a PhD.
Between us we earn about £100k in public services/NHS.
We have had no financial help from family (Xmas £20!) but grew up very loved.
We consider ourselves very very lucky.

Count your blessings OP and maybe think about how you can give back to those less fortunate.

Of course success is something to celebrate but it doesn’t come equally easy to those less privileged. That’s a fact. Privilege is oftentimes passed down from one generation to another. It’s such a cop out to say there’s a lot of shaming going on, when it’s clear to see the original post was somewhat tone deaf.

It's hard to believe anyone could be that dim, hence the responses you are getting. If you really are that dim you could easily educate yourself. Start with https://www.statista.com/statistics/321065/uk-england-home-owners-age-groups/?srsltid=AfmBOop-csdqB0-dKM9nmrROzrAjznxbkE0KQuGKQMQ0d1mAyjjLMdM1

Watch a few episodes of Rich House, Poor house - although that will probably mean you decide you are not privileged because you are not quite as rich as some of those families. https://www.channel5.com/show/rich-house-poor-house
Note that they dont go to the poorest houses either, the people living in tents because they are homeless, or in b&bs with drug addict neighbours.

How on earth do you manage on such a pittance?

Well it absolutely screams entitled and cringe to me! Can't imagine letting my parents buy me a house or a car or a 5k holiday. Because I'm an adult and I pay my own way.

Ha ha ha, fucking hell, yes you're privileged. Ha ha ha. Oh dear. I laughed out loud reading this. Maybe read the news, some people struggle to pay their rent and for food. I hope this is a wind up, is anyone really this detached from realty

Yes, they go to the magic council house tree, its a bit like the magic house deposit tree.

So, you’re in a job that earns £71k suggesting you’re not a complete idiot.
How can you assume your life is average? you don’t know anyone who has had it different??
Im astounded anyone lives in this much of a bubble!
Are you completely unaware of the COL crisis, housing shortage, unemployment?
Shock horror, the working class; I don’t know anyone gifted £50k, £2/3k every year, houses in trust.

Obviously some people find it easier to succeed than others. But I have always found those that blame the "Privilege" of others do it as a way of self rationalising why they failed - it always has to be someone else fault.

As the saying goes I've been lucky in life and the harder I've worked the luckier I have got.

Didn’t you get enough flak on your other thread about people with no savings @Finchell?

I think privilege comes down to perspective.
I KNOW I am incredibly privileged, hubs and I both earn reasonably decent money, we have a small 3 bed home and are saving hard to be mortgage free in the next 4 years. We have 3 cars (mine is 24 years old and leaks like a sieve but I love it and I feel very privileged to be able to afford to run it!) hubs has a 9 year old Audi TTS which he saved every penny for and bought new) and a 20 year old golf. We can afford a couple of English holidays a year and I don’t have to worry about the pennies when I go food shopping. I have had a couple of monetary hand out from my parents (again I feel immensely lucky to have had these) we saved hard for our wedding 2 years ago and were very lucky that our parents contributed financially too.
My parents and in laws are all healthy and wonderful people and I have fantastic friends and wider family, a job and colleagues I love and an amazing husband whom I love dearly and loves me back.
Compared to you on paper financially I am not so very privileged but compared to a single mum living hand to mouth in a council flat I am beyond privileged.
I am so very grateful everyday for the cards that I have been handed in life both emotionally and financially.

So someone has made a comment to you about how privileged you are and you've obviously taken offence?

I think they were right, you are privileged. I only know one person who was gifted money to buy a house, most of my friends are living in council houses and will probably never own their own home. Salaries are no more than around 30-35k.

Wow. Yes, you are privileged! Most people have to save for a house deposit or they take on a 100% mortgage.

It sounds like you have very generous parents. For context, my MIL is worth a few million and she hasn't given her children any handouts or help, EVER, even though one of the (adult) children is on the breadline. This is despite her being helped by her parents back in the day (she was gifted a house and a business). There has been no paying it forward, which I find baffling.

We (me and DH) on the other hand, have helped our adult children with things like weddings and house deposits.