AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

"It’s a well known fact people can’t save for deposits as rent is so high"
OP, if this is the case, how on earth did unprivileged you get to save £50k?
And how does your DD have a house on trust when her DGP have made no provision?
And how come all of your friends are so privileged (everyone you know received financial support with their first home) - when you also say they're from all walks of life?
You're getting a lot of negativity because your post is full of contradictions. And other posters are quite rightly pointing out that you are highly privileged compared with very many people in Britain - but I get the feeling you don't like that answer. Which rather begs the question - why bother asking?

I thought I was privileged because we're on my FIL's Spotify and Netflix plans 😅

We got financial help to buy our house but it was a family loan, not a gift.

Just because you personally don't know anyone less privileged than you doesn't mean you're not privileged. It's quite easy to look up data on this kind of thing.

No I agree, it’s not an excuse at all. That was my point really.
I think you can feel very average due to the people you surround yourself with but you can still know that you are fortunate and recognise that other people are massively struggling. Both things can apply at the same time.
It’s very naive to think that this type of lifestyle is the norm for everyone. It just happens to be the norm for your friends and family, not the whole country. And you don’t need to look very far to know find this out. I see this everyday due to my job but it’s also on the news every day - it shouldn’t be difficult to understand.

Right, if you ARE PRIVILEGED FROM THE START and you don’t succeed then yes- you’re lazy and blaming others for it. But you’re not seriously suggesting that a child from a poverished council estate, will have the same opportunities as a kid from a private school in an affluent area. Even if the poor kid works his butt off, he’s still less likely to succeed than his privileged peer who worked half as hard. If you think otherwise then sorry, but you’re just kidding yourself.

I think your income is unexceptional, but the fact you have been given so much is exceptional and highly privileged.

I would be interested to hear what you do to repay that privilege to people who weren’t born as fortunate as you clearly were. When my DS started at his senior school the Head gave a talk to all pupils that attending a school like that was a privilege. They didn’t have that privilege because they were better than anyone else but because they were luckier. And his job for the next five years would be to teach them to look for ways to repay that privilege to those who were not as lucky as they had been when they leave. I always thought that what a really healthy perspective on privilege.

Your intellect and emotional range?

I don't believe that every child from an impoverished background is doomed to failure and remaining there for life. It seems to me the way forward to bring people up, things like extra funding for disadvantaged children, in my one of my companies every year we take a cohort of school leavers who should be going to uni but don't for financial reasons and train them up. We can only take 5 but it is still something - in our sector they rapidly reach £50-60k earnings. There seems to be a large group of people who would rather insult those who succeed than do anything about it.

I’d say they’re actually below average.

We’re talking about somebody being given a house by their grandparents’ trust fund. How is that down to their own hard work? Did they put years of graft into selecting their grandparents?

(The grandparents themselves may or may not have worked hard, but we are talking about the trust fund recipient here not the GPs).

But OP hasn’t succeeded on their own terms. They’ve been gifted large sums of cash and their child is equally set up. In the case of this post, it’s their ignorance of a wider world beyond their own privilege, and an understanding of that, which is eye-rollingly obtuse.

Definitely privileged.

Your good (private?) education probably helped you get your job that pays more than double average wage

You got a huge deposit for your house

You get large cash gifts every year

Your DD has a house?!

I get it - I have friends who have been given gifts of several hundred K, who have had houses bought for them, who are given 50k to do work on their house, whose parents have second homes where they can go on holiday for free and pay their GC school fees etc. And compared to them I definitely don't feel privileged.

OP, you said you had a good education - did you go to private school? I’m asking this due to the way you’ve described your friends/social circle. For context, only 6-7% of UK children attend private school - the other 93% don’t. If you did, and if most of your friends did, then perhaps this answers your question about the relativity of privilege.

I was in the 93% and had zero help from my own parents. Do you know what though, I’d much rather be self-sufficient as a fully grown adult and am grateful that I’ve never been dependant on parents/others to maintain quality of life. I agree for younger generations it’s much more difficult to get on the housing ladder, and so we’ve helped our own children with this, but modestly. It’s not healthy to be over-dependant on others financially.

You’re comparing yourself with other wealthy people.

Well the majority are working class and usually get nothing. I received absolutely nothing from my parents, everything we have we had to build ourselves.

@Finchell If you look at what privilege actually means: Unearned advantage, not available to others.

Privileged doesn't even have to mean above average, or hugely wealthy etc. etc.

The fact is that anyone who has received financial help, in any form, is financially privileged because it was unearned by yourself, an advantage, and not available to others. Clearly extents and circumstances vary hugely.

It was hurtful when someone told you that you were privileged, because it makes you feel like you perhaps did not work hard for what you have, and that isn't a nice feeling, and that's okay.

However, to not understand or recognise that having received financial help is privilege, is very oblivious and why so many people have been hurt by your post.

Long story short: Financial help doesn't make you a bad person, and doesn't mean your life is unusual or even better than others. But it is a form of privilege, and it would make you a more open minded, empathetic person to recognise that.

Is this satire? 😅

Perhaps the OP should volunteer to be a participant in the TV programme "Rich House, Poor House"

Might learn a thing or two . . .

Well aren't you lucky. Sorry I'm all out of medals.

I consider myself extremely privileged because I will inherit a property. Thanks to my dad who did a horrible stressful job to give his family a decent quality of life. Sadly he died when I was 13.

Day to day I'm totally broke. And I would rather not experience losing my mum than have a property anyway.

Therefore, you're from an over-privileged background AND have similarly over-privileged friends.

Not a single one of my friends got subbed by parents when buying their first home. My dad was a coal miner, so not even my parents owned their own home. You need to cast your eyes and mind around and see that life for a lot of people is one long fucking struggle.

Haha hilarious. I would say I was very privileged and we earn less than you, no help towards house deposit (don't own a house) no generous yearly financial gifts...but we can pay bills and eat with a small margin left over, our kids are happy and getting an education, we have the great good luck that they are so far healthy, and we live in a safe place. That is privilege. You are very privileged. "I have friends who are richer than me" doesn't change that. I'm honestly a bit shocked that the stuff about council housing is news to you tbh, maybe you should take more of an interest in things outside your immediate range of experience.

YABU. Stop boasting and get a life.

Prepared to be told otherwise

I don't think you are, OP.

OP, have a watch of this. It helps define wealth across the world.

you are incredibly privileged, as many of us are, but if you don't know the reality of how many people across the world live it can be too easy to lose sight of that truth. Remind yourself once in a while and count your blessings, you'll feel a lot better.

OP you seem to be average/below average relative to those around you which irks you so you are trying to make yourself feel better by inviting reactions from people who have not had your advantages so that you can feel reassured/superior. Your responses to posts are painfully disingenuous. Either that or you are just very emotionally and intellectually dim despite having what I assume was a decent education.

OP, it is privileged and not at all average. I don't know anyone, whose parents gifted them £50K for a house and give them thousands for a holiday each year.

If you have friends that are the same as you then they are privileged too.