I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

What an utterly bizarre thing to say.

Well she's a fucking idiot isnt she? at least now you can be sure she is and can dump her forthwith.

How rude.
I have friends who married wealthy men before they were wealthy and some when they were wealthy, but for love. I know they are in love as I know them well and have spent extensive time with them.
I would never say or even think anything like this.
Maybe she is in a financial bind and her upset came out as a snidey comment.

Her comments show you what type of person she is not what type of person you are. She’s awful.

Envy is so toxic, eating her up inside until she is driven to take a swipe at you @LouLee63 . I wouldn’t be surprised if she has been envious for a while but your DH’s inheritance has tipped her resentment over the edge. She can’t even see that losing a parent is a sad situation because it’s all about you having something she hasn’t got. She isn’t on your side and she sounds as if she won’t be happy until things don’t go well for you. That’s not friendship.

It’s a really weird comment. I couldn’t let that go. Has she been in touch since?

She told you everything about herself and nothing about you. That's jealousy for you, she's envious and is trying to reconcile it in her head and make you out to have schemed your way to inherited wealth. Its sad she has to do that but its the mark of an unhappy person.

Is there any info missing here in terms of the conversation you had? Her remarks were really unpleasant, but how did she know your DH had inherited a lot of money? Were there any previous comments by you about this that she might have interpreted as boasting?

Sorry for your loss.
This woman is jealous and bitter that she’s not in your position and making spiteful comments because she can’t hide it.
She’s not your friend.

She's a bitch, and not someone I would be bothering with in the future. The jealously stands out a mile.

@LouLee63

Hahaha she's well jell! 😆

I'm sorry for your loss/your husband's loss, and take no notice of this seething with jealousy so-called friend!

A mild teasing comment - bit crass but I’d let that go from an old friend. A bit of envy at financial good fortune is human nature. She went too far.

was she joking or is it tinged with a bit of regret? Maybe fancied your hubby as a teen or something.

ignore her being jealous, given length of relationship it should be something you can talk about & try and get past before just blocking

Maybe she thought you should know she was only joking then?

I mean it not something you can say to just anyone but maybe she thought her pal of 40 years would know it was just in jest.

But then, tone can give a lot away. And sometimes things said in jest can come with something else buried behind them too.

You're probably right yo trust your gut either way.
But you know her better than us.

YANBU. But are you sure it wasn't a badly delivered/thought out joke? Because its so obviously far from the truth its laughable.

Or are they married to/separated from someone from a poor background with a poorly paid job? It seems like something they've thought about themself (if only I'd married better) and now they've somehow projected that on to you. So jealous basically.

Sounds like an ill timed poor joke to me.

Unless she’s usually an arsehole I would let it slide personally. Particularly a very old friend over wine.

Oh, she's so jealous it's almost hilarious. There's literally nothing more to it.

That would be a serious long game! And assume none of them need care, develop a gambling problem or decide to leave it to the cats home….what an idiotic thing for your friend to say. She’s jealous of you.

If the friendship is this old, you know her pretty well and presumably like(d) her a lot. What do you think could explain the comment?
She hasn’t had a personality transplant overnight. So either she has grown to dislike you over time and this is the first time you realise, or she was trying to be funny/flippant and failed, or is something going on with her that’s jading her view of marriage / partnership generally?

I take it her situation differs and she won’t be inheriting much? It’s bloody ridiculous to suggest you’re a gold digger. She clearly said out loud what she was thinking and it’s made her look a complete bitch. Just out and out jealousy.

@LouLee63 she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”.

I think it's safe to say that when men and women are dating, the absolute last thing on their minds is what money the other person will inherit.

Also, there are plenty of people who are an only child who do not inherit much money.

She is ridiculous and sounds nasty and jealous. You don't need people like that in your life.

Op when people say stupid stuff like this they think of the money and not the feelings she’s obviously bitter and jealous but like most people they would choose the relative rather than the money. So many just see the pound signs and think oh how lucky you are etc but you’re not it’s the unluckiest thing to happen.

Does this person add anything to your life? She sounds horrible.

Quite ridiculous. No-one except the ultra rich can predict an inheritance. A few years of a parent in care home rips through money and most people want the best for their Mum or Dad.