I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

I’m with you on this
what a rude thing to say. No amount of money can replace a parent.

Same. I wouldn’t throw away a friendship of this long without wanting to get to the bottom of her comments. If she’s still nasty and jealous then yes, cast her out.

If you really are offended and hurt but this though and think she meant it, then yes, end things.

If she apologises or/and is contrite then you can decide if you want to take that on board.

Jealousy is a bitch 😆

That’s quite a jump from what happened with your friend over dinner @LouLee63 .

Anyway, clearly you despise the woman and she doesn’t seem to think very highly of you…. So best not meet up for dinner again

Where there’s a large inheritance there’s a jealous “friend”.

Genuinely not when I inherited a large amount. Told my close friends and nothing but supportive (one a Financial Advisor) and loving. As they always are and have been since we were 16… 30 years ago

Her statement/thought process reflects her own thinking. Ie this would get a great position for her to get in with a partner who solely benefits from the efforts and actions of parents......

The flowery ones flatter you much better!
I remember watching Gok Wans show years back and one bit of advice i never forgot was horizontal stripes make you look wider and vertical stripes make you look slimmer.

That's absolutely bonkers of her. What is possibly going on in her mind? LOL

What was the previous comment?

what I don’t like about your exchange in the OP is that she engineered that conversation specifically to ask about the money so that then she could say what she wanted to say.

if she was joking, when you asked her what she meant, THAT was the time for her to realise but no, she doubled down.

i don’t think she’s the friend you think she is

I’ve known a few people who have lost loved ones and NOT ONCE has it ever occurred to me to ask about the probate. I just wouldn’t. No matter how close the friendship.

Green eyed monster.

Same. I would never ask. But I find some people are very keen to let me know, either subtly "it's such a chore as it's such a huge house with so many valuables to sort through" or more overtly just naming how much money they will get. Crass.

But you’d be sorting through a loved ones home after they died no matter what you’re inheriting personally wouldn’t you? And it’s a big job, hard not to mention .

what have you been up to?
oh nothing much - oh except the 10 hour days sorting my mums house out with my brother on the weekends.

I've had to do this. I never felt the need to talk about their assets or the size of the house.

Could she have meant it as a joke, that hasn't came across as a joke? If you're good friends I'd mention that her comment has upset you a bit & that the last thing on your mind when you & you DH got together all those years ago was his parents dying & him having a big inheritance coming his way. She may not have meant to offend you but needs to know she has if you wan the friendship to carry on with out resentment

I don't think she sounds like a friend with that attitude.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here and say your friend probably tried to make a joke that landed very badly. Does she have a lot less money than you and your husband OP? Even before the inheritance?
I never have a pot to piss in but have a couple of very wealthy friends who I love to pieces, sometimes I feel really embarrassed and uncomfortable and I have occasionally tried to make a joke of it but realised immediately that I said something really off. She is probably reliving the conversation and cringing a thousand times a day.

To add - if there have only been two random comments in 25 years I am not sure you are "seeing a different side" to your friend. If there was a whole nasty side to her you would have seen it more often than this. I really believe she has said something stupid, thoughtless and crass without thinking it through and she is beating herself up for it.

What an arsehole. Who thinks like that.

Are you sure she wasn’t just having a laugh and it landed wrong.

If she had turned round after you pointed our you had met as teens etc and said, I know LouLee63, I was only joking, I'm sorry then I would be tempted to let it go and accept that it was a poor taste joke.

The fact that she carried on... its a no go from me.

Yes & it's lovely to keep open minded - Give the benefit of the doubt too
💚