I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

Yep.

So weird that a very happily married woman of 25 years would be tying herself in knots about this. I’d have laughed.

Mind you, i don’t have “friends”like this

I must be the only person here who'd probably laugh and think it was a joke, esp as OP says her friend has no form for meanness.

She’s jealous ? Hardly something to be jealous of when your husband has just lost his parents.

I think she's beside herself with jealously OP.

I'd have it out with her and if she doesn't retract and apologise wholeheartedly I'd be calling time on the friendship.

It is almost farcical how she comes across so evil and nasty in your op. Did you hear her cackling as she left the table?

A good friend said similar to me when DH got a massive pay out from shares at work, I laughed my head off and said she knows fine well I’m far too disorganised to play long games.

Rude jealous woman. Who even thinks like that?

Sound like a poor attempt at a joke. Why would your friend think you were a gold digger when you've been married to the man for 20 years and paid your own way.

You should have promptly ordered a dry Martini, taken a sip and then thrown it in her face, flounced out and left her to pay the bar/restaurant bill.

A G&T works just as well.

I’d never waste a good martini!

Assaulting her is not the answer.

😂

Thats really horrible op, especially from someone you have such a long history of close friendship with. Would I end such a friendship over one incident? Probably not, not stone dead anyway if she’d been otherwise a good, supportive pal for so many years, but it wouldn’t be forgotten. Maybe she was having a shit time herself, maybe it was just a really misjudged joke or, well, I don’t know, could be anything, but the moment she made any such remarks, or anything else unkind for that matter, I think it would be done for me.

I would probably say that she thinks you haven’t achieved a lot on your own merit yet you’ve managed to land on your feet. I’d go as far as her thinking that you didn’t deserve it and you stuck with him solely because his family was wealthy.

What work do you do?

Sorry, I should have added, don't do it with a Negroni, red wine or fruity Cocktail as I once had to pay for a replacement dress after throwing a Negroni at a frenemy.

Yeah, surely she was joking?? That's incredibly rude otherwise!

Your friend’s comments say more about your friend than you. Does your friend have financial worries? Does she aspire to a luxury lifestyle on a tight budget?

When did it become acceptable for people to ask about other’s inheritances? It’s so gauche. In any case OP, she is not your friend and sounds quite pathetic really. Let me guess - she’s not having a good time of it?

Did her Bitch Era begin just last night or does she have some kind of history of unpleasant remarks?

She's jealous! And judging you by her greedy standards

I would never say this, especially so soon after a bereavement but I think big inheriters sometimes do forget that plenty of us lose parents and don’t get the silver lining of life changing inheritances!

It would take an angel of a person not to feel a pang of jealousy I think.

Distance, distance.

My best friend, when my FIL died- her first reaction was to snap 'I'll guess you'lll inherit then' then she ghosted me and hasn't spoken to me since. that was in january 2014.

I went through a huge amount of pain grieving the end of the friendship- even though i realised whatever happened was a HER issue, not a me issue.

Thing is, a few months before FIL died her parents had told her they were cutting her out of their will as she was unmarried and had no children- in favour of her two siblings who had children. i supported her through that unbelievable hurt. So at some level I knew she was in pain and lashing out at my 'good fortune'. I tried to reach out to her and was met with absolute ghosting. Eventually i decided that I couldn't possibly be friends with someone who inflicted her pain on me when i was wholly innocent, and it was her loss. She did have form for being nasty when she was feeling bad about whatever was going on in her life There was only so much of it i could deal with and in the end- although she was the one who completely cut me off I had to come to terms with her behaviour and come to a sense of contentment within myself- that it was nothing I had done, and wholly and completely about her.

Of course people feel pangs but she’s put her foot in her mouth.

I have a really good career in the corporate field and am a high earner, as is my husband though I do earn a bit more than him.

She wouldn’t have visibility of my finances. She knows what I do but I don’t think she’s know how much it pays.

Oh yeah, absolutely not defending her saying it.

Is she struggling?

Has she lost either/both parents?