I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

No it’s the hostility and nastiness behind the remark, not because it’s true

Look OP, she is clearly jealous. I've had this myself. I met my DH at Uni. He had nothing. He was from a WC background, as was I. When we graduated I had a better job, and I paid for everything. I bought our first house.

26 years married and 31 years together, my DH has a top, top job and earns loads. I look like a gold digger. I know that I am not.

It seems like your friend is very jealous, and is not in fact a friend.

I wouldn't give a shit what she thought TBH. You know what a hard time you've all had, and I'd just bin her off TBH.

She is definitely jealous which is sad as she is supposed to be your friend

Wow, not much to add to most replies, but wtf, being called a 'gold digger' - after a 25 year relationship with husband, plus longer as being her friend?? (Not like you 'tricked' him into marriage after a one night stand after his bereavement). Sadly, she sounds very envious (jealous) - maybe go low/no contact for a while.

If you still value her as a friend maybe ask her outright why she would say such a hurtful thing, was she drunk / thought she was being funny / needs help with her own life??
That way you will have no regrets if you decide to end this friendship. Sympathies for you & your husbands loss🌹

what a horrible woman, dump her immediately. Your poor husband how sad that his losing his parents is turned into nasty gossip😡

But people need to realise this and not delight in telling a women to end a 40 year friendship just on one side of the story...or end a marriage one side of a story...or any of the 100% statements without the other side of the story.

Speaks volumes about her and nothing about you.

What your friend said says more about her than it does about you, OP

Sure, it's fucking hilarious when an old friend baldly accuses you of marrying for money.

You must be a hoot at parties.

I don’t think it’s a nice or funny thing to say but I don’t think I’d be desperately upset by it. It’s obvious you didn’t marry for money because no teenager is that shrewd.

I think that this will become a more prevalent social theme over the next couple of decades, though. As baby boomers die, some millennials will inherit life-changing sums of money - amounts they could never have hoped to earn themselves - overnight. And some won’t. It will place strains on friendships, especially as life gets harder and more expensive.

I agree with you, that said it also depends on her personality. Is she usually the type to go on about inheritance and property and see relationships as transactional ?

I have a good friend, whose flaw is the above attitude. She hasn’t worked for 10 years whereas like you I have equal relationships, and couldn’t care less about my partner’s position and inheritance.

You are right to feel annoyed - you seem to have different values and worldviews. It is up to you if that’s a deal breaker for your friendship.

I would have to ask her why she made the comment if the friendship is 40 years, hear what she has to say, by doing this it should make her think how abysmal her comment was, if she doesn'talready know. I would also let her know how it made you feel. If she is nonchalant, fuck her off. It could be that she was jealous in the moment but a 40 yo friendship needs considerable reflection before you let it go, especially if it is not her usual etiquette.

Reconsider what? I understand you're hurt, especially if you were friends for long, but nothing to reconsider. Just get her out of your life.

I would say that it all depended on the context and how it was said. My best friend would probably say that to me and laugh and I wouldn't be offended as I know she loves me and it was said jokingly.

Is there a chance she said it as a joke? Because the suggestion you’ve been gold digging for 25 years is a joke. If she wasn’t saying it tongue in cheek she is jealous plain and simple.
Maybe she has financial worries and took it out on you.

What a cunt

Even i
If it was a joke, it's not funny
I guess you are grieving too or at least supporting your grieving husband.

I wondered if she was joking; if so it was in bad taste and probably fired by genuine envy. 'Come on you knew what you were doing might make sense if OP married him when the rich parents were old, but 18 year olds don't think like that.

100% this.

There’s feeling it and there’s choosing to say it out loud - with a side order of an accusation of marrying for money.

Have you ever been judgemental about people who you perceive to be golddiggers or accused her of liking someone because they had money? It sounds like she is having a bit of a dig. Your horror at being accused of this, suggests you might have aired your views on this topic to her.

Not unreasonable at all, what a horrible thing to say. Doesn’t sound like a true friend at all.

Friends are there because they bring positive energy to our lives. And we bring positive energy to their lives.
I am finding that having a friend for a very long time does not always equal that. And finding the truth about a friend can be painful when you have had them for a long time. I suspect this friend knows everything about you and they have chosen to abuse this.
So on top of bereavement you get this which is a double whammy.
I would argue that there is a side of this friend she has kept hidden from you.
It would be difficult for me to keep this friend and you are clearly not unreasonable.
Don't let this person bring you down to their level!
Consider this your spring cleaning!

Fuck her , block her and move on. Horrible bitch .

What a horrible thing to say. Are you sure she’s a friend?