I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

OMG I can't believe this. She is hell on earth. I know it's hard to ditch friends, but she is on the ditch list. You don't need this crap.

It’s not so much the envy the OP objects to (though I disagree that only “angels” feel genuinely happy if their friends receive a large inheritance), it’s the accusation that she lined her husband up specifically to get a crack at his inheritance.

Maybe she feels like you already have plenty and now you have infinitely more??

Again, not defending her whatsoever just trying to understand the source of her resentment.

There was one comment quite a while ago (10+ years) that rubbed me up the wrong way but I let it pass. She had been going through a horrendously tough time so I chose to ignore it.

Putting that comment with last night’s does show a different side to her.

I think you can feel happy for them but also jealous!

Cheeky cow.

That is a friendship ending level of spite imo

Clearly her actual accusation is nonsense and horrible but I would love to know her situation and where it has come from.

Oh people always say this shit. I think they know that you weren’t choosing him because of that they just want to mention it because they don’t know how else to say ‘omg you’ve got lots of money now’.

People often say I married well or ‘up’ or secured my ‘free ride’. Well they did before it went a bit tits up. Try and ignore her she’s just being indelicate.

She knows how my husband’s last parent died and how difficult it was (they died in an accident).

The implication I’m annoyed with is that I, at the age of 18, purposely set out to trap a young man who’d go on to inherit.

Do you normally have a jokey, teasing friendship? If you normally rib each other about things, could it have been meant as a spectacularly misjudged joke? I know I'm probably reaching here...

If this doesn't reflect your relationship, then she's showing a spiteful envious side. I'd be upset in your shoes, too.

Yes, she's a twat.

I broke a friendship when a very old close friend sat in my house and said "you wouldn't have any of this if not for (my husband)' I have always paid half of everything and just thought she was showing her true colours

I married an only child, whereas I had 2 siblings, so my inheritance was split 3 ways. I sometimes joke with my DH that I’m only with him for his money. My friends are in similar situations, we would never dream of saying any of us were gold diggers.

For that, I would like to be your friend - brilliant!

Seriously, I'm so sorry for both your losses and I'm so sorry that your friend said that to you. I don't think there's any coming back from that. I would wonder what she had been thinking for ages. I mean, is that how she always thinks? Bloody awful.

Aaah I see, she’s a frenemy OP!

She reckons you got with someone 25 years ago just for a potential inheritance? She's nuts, is she just saying you married up and she's jealous?

She's an absolute bitch any way.

I think you’d have to be in a bit of a dark place to say something like that. I would give her a very wide birth she needs to get some therapy.

Jeez what a total cow. After everything you’ve been through that’s what she thinks to say. She’s no friend,

Well I definitely couldn't be friends with such a nasty, vulgar person.
What an awful thing to say, particularly as his parents death was an accident.

Yes, your friend has more or less said that you deliberately married your husband because he is an only child, and would inherit.

Your friend is jealous of the fact your husband has come into an inheritance. She has assumed that your husband has inherited a substantial sum.

Your friend, and I use the term loosely, isn't a friend. I would be re-evaluating my friendship with her. It was a deeply hurtful comment, as well as nasty.

Yuck, that's one nasty piece of work.

I’d never talk to her again lol what a cow

Or maybe yes keep in touch so she can see you thriving in your happy marriage

‘Darling, didn’t you know my middle name is Marigold? As in my DPs called me Marigold and hoped I would.’ More seriously, that was a pretty dreadful thing for her to say, but I have been surprised by people with a close interest in our inheritances.

Why do some people think criticizing or acknowledging someone has hurt/insulted you means you never actually liked the person?

It's a weird pov that I only ever see on mumsnet. In real life, when having friendship issues and discussing/sharing)seeking advice no one has ever once said "sounds like you just don't like them." Not ever. The notion that you can't ever have a negative thought, feeling, situation with an actual friend is just so immature and shows a real lack of emotional intelligence.

She sounds hideously unpleasant. Imagine being in her head! Ugh.

She sounds vile OP. I’m so sorry. 😞