I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

Horrible thing to say - could she be having a tough time financially OP?

My mum , aged 93, passed away 2 years ago ...even though her estate was shared between us 5 siblings I have never had so much money in my life before. I would much rather have my mum and tbh I bet your husband feels the same.

Gosh, I'm an angel and never realised. I'd assumed I was just a halfway decent, reasonably well-adjusted normal person.

If she was a long time, very close friend, with no previous track record for making similar snarky/judgemental remarks, I’d be prepared to assume she was just having a bad day/struggling with personal issues and allow her one chance to explain herself, apologise sincerely and set out how she intends to make amends/repair your friendship.

If not, I wouldn’t be making any time or effort to maintain a relationship with her in future.

I'm not given to violence, but I would have lamped her.

Nasty individual. Presumably she's envious of your relationship, never mind the inheritance.

@LouLee63 Firstly, I’m so very sorry to hear about your in-laws, that’s awful and I’m so sorry for your H.

your friend isn’t a friend. You can see this now. She’s awful.

There wouldn’t be a single part of you that would be like ‘god £750k would have been useful when my parents died’?

In your head obviously.

Urgh and I bet she's saying the same things to others behind your back op. Awful person . Keep your ear to the ground when dealing with any mutual friends and cut the friendship with her

I made an off the cuff remark to my mums friend about some of the cash gifts we had received from the ILs towards the house. I assumed mum had told her tbh as they are close. I'm 42 yrs old, this is a person I have known all my life. Her response was ....oo you married well didn't you?. I was a little taken aback but decided not to be offended by it. People (myself included) say dumb shit all the time. You can decide what you chose to share less with friends as this has riled you and rightfully so.

She’s not an old friend. She's a rather horrid acquaintance.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Doesn’t that kind of thinking just mean you go through life envious of literally everyone who has more money than you? Do you feel like that when people get a pay rise or have a high-paying career or were born into a richer family than yours?

Conversely, do you feel a bit self-satisfied (“glad it’s them, not me”)when someone loses their job or takes a big financial hit through a separation or has some other kind of financial disaster?

I honestly don’t understand it, I know so many people with more money or less money than I have for all sorts of reasons. It seems exhausting to go through life comparing situations.

If you’ve been friends for over 40 years, and you’ve never seen this side of her, is it possible she was ( badly) joking, and this is a one off comment made in poor taste?
Can people not be forgiven for ever making an off comment ? would it be horrible if she did have a moment of envy which resulted in a comment made with a bad tone ? People aren’t perfect you know.

Since it’s a 40 year friendship, can you talk to her?

No not at all. But coming into what sounds like best part of a million quid all of a sudden is very different to someone gradually building a life through years of working their way up. On is a series of incremental choices and steps. The other is blind chance.

And yeah if something awful happened to a friend one of my many thoughts would be ‘god I’m glad that’s not happened to me.’

With friends like that who needs enemies. She sounds jealous, bitter and just plain nasty!

This. It's a joke. Myself and my friends would laughingly reply "cheeky bitch".

OP, that was a very uncalled for remark on the part of your friend. My DSis married an only child - his mother was quite well placed, but she got dementia and had to go into a nursing home - she was there for several years, and almost all her money was swallowed up in nursing home fees. Point out to your “D” friend that there’s no such thing as a guaranteed inheritance.

My first thought is surely she was just teasing and joking with you but I guess you know what the tone was and whether it was genuine jesting or not. I think you either let this fester or you are honest with her and tell her what she said was hurtful. If she's having a tough time then I imagine it's pretty hard seeing someone inherit hundreds of thousands but that doesn't excuse being rude and insensitive. Maybe you just need to have an honest chat with her.

She thought your were plotting the demise of your ILs when you were 18? What were you going to do in the meantime, sit around and wait for them to die. Sounds like you built yourself a good career.

Money issues bring the real person out to play every time!

I think her comment says a lot more about her than you.

Do not engage. Retreat. Find better friends.

Me too. I would assume this was a joke and I wouldn’t take offence.

She doesn't sound particularly pleasant, in fact this kind of snide comment from people who are supposed to be friends is rather hurtful.

If she's normally nice and your friendship means a lot to you... then perhaps she was just having a 'be a bitch day'. I'd never take a comment like it again though.

Hope your hubby is doing ok. My partner has lost his last parent, his dad too recently, it's hard going.

It’s a wee but of jealousy