I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

Were you drinking at the time? I can't help but feel this was perhaps her attempt at humour but was just in really bad taste. Especially if she was drinking, people always think their insulting jokes are hilarious when tipsy / drunk.

I would keep her at arms length for a while though while you perhaps reflect on it a little. Now she's put that opinion out in the open I can't help but feel if it were me it would just put a huge dampener on the friendship.

I was an only child too and young and newly married when my parents died. What I inherited was tiny in comparison but I was amazed at the number of people I counted as friends who were definitely not pleased that we had inherited. In some cases I think it was because they thought that they were much better off than us and they didn't like the idea that that might no longer be quite so true. At times like this some people just show their true colours.

I think she's been even more insulting than that. You also politely called her out and she didn't back down and laugh it off she went in again. I would message her telling her you're upset and insulted, I certainly would be. What a horrible thing for her to say about your partner losing their parents and your in-laws. How rude.

Who's to say his parents wouldn't have decided to disown him along the way & leave everything to a donkey sanctuary

I hope she warmed up before that reach.

I think that comment says a lot more about her than it does you OP.

Wow, talk about playing the long game! You ‘only’ had to stick around for 25 years. This woman is not your friend, I think she is very jealous of you.

I had a family member say the same to my husband when my dad died.

Only, she fucked off for the hills when he started exhibiting signs of dementia and I begged her for help.

So she didn’t know that his fortune (not as big, but it would have been just over 500k was all gone on care home fees, bar the 50k that was left. She came back into the picture a year after he died after she bumped into someone who told her he’d died. She was hoping for some money. I was the sole beneficiary as his only child (she was his 2nd cousin) so I took great pleasure in telling her to fuck off.

Some people are tossers.

The ironic thing is my parents are relatively wealthy but had a big family. Fortunately, they’re now in their late 80s and in fairly fine fettle but, when the time comes, I will inherit, albeit shared across my (many!) siblings.

Like most people, I’ve never planned my life around inheritance, mine or my husband’s, and it was certainly not something I was thinking about at 18 (or 25, or 36 or now in my 40s!).

Urgh, what a horrible person. I HATE that type of resentful shit - and I am not from a wealthy or privileged background at all. I would be ditching her immediately, what a shitty, small-minded, snidey thing to say.

"Nope, I married him because I loved him. Not everyone has your low moral standards or manipulative money-grabbing mindset, or your ridiculous prejudices about only children. Get that chip off your shoulder, we can see it from space " is what I would be thinking, frankly. Get rid.

Ooh that's not a nice friend to have. 😒

She's obviously a jealous and nasty person. I would understand someone feeling a bit envious of what they see as a comfortable position (even if it did come as a consequence of someone's death), but there was no need to verbalise it in quite such an unpleasant way (or at all, tbh).

Think I'd be done with her after that. It was a very unpleasant thing to say.

I suspect it's pure jealousy.

She may have thought she was making a tongue in cheek funny remark which landed badly. If you want to keep your friendship I would let her know how much her comment had hurt you but be prepared for the "you can't take a joke" excuse. However, if you don't value the friendship, move on.

We're in a similar position to your DH I'd much rather have the relatives still around as im sure your DH would

That's appalling. Like as if you sat there plotting to only date or fall in love with only children who's family had money?!

For whatever reason - perimenopause, marital or work stresses - she is showing a resentful and bitter side. It may have always been there but a glass or two of wine meant she dropped the mask. Money seems to sour many people.

I know it’s sad to walk away from such a long friendship, but when they are that old/established they are often not actually based on mutual liking and shared values but formed out of decades of habit, familiarity and convenience. Like an old pair of slippers you’ve got used to. You are at the stage where those slippers have become worn, tatty and ill fitting. Perhaps even a trip hazzard. Time to get rid.

Wow I wouldn’t see her again. Ignore her.

This- she’s not a fine. I remember a friend telling a mutual friends how happy should be when her mother and father died young as she had a great ‘start’ by being able to buy a huge house outright at 25. We both ‘lost’ that friend. Sometimes when that filter is off they show their true colours.

I, like a pp, wonder how long it will be until she a) asks for a loan and/or b) starts messaging your husband with fake concern.....

100%.
It’s been the worst thing that’s ever happened to us.

What she said isn't a reflection of you.
She is bitter, so bitter that she can't contain her jibes.

I have a relative who married a woman who went on to inherit millions. Many people remarked that he had 'landed on his feet'. The thing is he did land on his feet when he married her.

In that case, as you’ve known each other so long, she probably thinks she can rib you about anything and meant it as a joke. I bet next time you meet if you asked her does she really think you are a gold digger / married for your husbands inheritance she may be shocked you took it seriously. Not worth losing a long term friendship over, unless she answers yes obviously.

It would be impossible for me to continue a friendship with such a nasty and jealous person. I’d never speak to her again. Immediate ghosting is justifiable in this instance.

Ouch. That is nasty.

I'd not be in touch with them again. I don't think I'd be able to look.at them without thinking about that comment.

Envy is the most corrosive sin.