I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

What an absolute cow - those words speak about what she really thinks about you. I’d ditch her like a stone.

Was it maybe supposed to be a joke? Otherwise she is very odd/jealous/spiteful/stupid

Do you find every post on mumsnet weird then seeing as none of us know anything other than what an OP posts? It's the whole point of the site! People look for objective views.

Exactly!

I can absolutely guarantee you that I do not find false accusations to be amusing, especially from someone I thought cared about me. So your psychologist isn't very good if they think one size fits all.

Where does it end? Falsely accused of a crime and the police speak to you. You'd just laugh it off? Don't be so ridiculous.

What a thoroughly unpleasant individual.

Certain people now have no decorum or social etiquette.

This makes me question if they’re suffered the trauma of losing parents themselves.

This is odious behaviour. I would not surround myself with people like this. I think you know what to do here.

I am reminded of what my eldest aunt once said to me about one of my mother's random unpleasant accusations: "Pay no attention to her, dear. She's a very silly woman."

Some people are just like that, especially when you have something they want.

Does not sound much of a friend to me. Ditch her and don't see again

or him ;-)

This is pure jealousy….how could she say that to you 😭

If she was a good friend of mine then I'd raise it with her. Tell her straight how hurtful you found her remark.
If she's a good friend of yours she may apologise profusely and explain she was just overcome with how unfair it felt in the moment that you are now so well off, that she's not in that position/is worried about money, and took it out on you, and regrets it.
You may then be able to move past it if you choose. If she doesn't say these things, she's not a friend.

Sorry to hear someone you thought of as a friend was so unkind. As PP have said she is jealous/envious.
I had a ‘friend’ who when my beloved sister died at 29 only comment was ‘well now you will get all the inheritance - she is cut out and i suggest you do the the same as shes shown her true colours. I also hope you and your husband are ok at this very sad time

I’m in a similar position OP, my last parent died last year and I’m inheriting very high six figures, plus a flat and the family home which is currently let (father’s decision even tho I own half of it already).
One of my “friends” asked how life was when you”own three houses”!
And, thinking back, when I married my now XDP someone commented that at least I was marrying the eldest son as he would inherit. Readers, he did! But I was long gone … although many years later someone asked if I was going to apply to reassess the divorce settlement ….

I think this is completely spot on! Not really a friend at all.

If she’s a good friend then you can bring it up with her. “That comment you made about a shrewd move felt really off. I haven’t been able to get past it. What did you really mean?”

I had an old friend who was underneath it all extremely jealous and envious, not just of me but of all sorts of people in her life. She’s ended up very much alone. It’s sad but ultimately, you deserve better.

My husband’s had this a lot from people about me (I’m in a similar position to your husband by the sound of it). We also met very young. It says more about the person saying it than it does about your marriage.

I agree, I can’t see how anyone would feel ok with such a long term friend making such a horrible catty remark out of the blue like that! Even if she felt a little jealous, she can’t manage to keep that to herself to avoid hurting your feelings ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

On top of anything else, after such a long marriage it’s likely you were very close to your husband’s parent and are therefore deeply upset to lose a beloved family member. I’d be very wary of a friend who sees money as such an important part of life that important relationships can just be disregarded like this, and going low contact moving forward.

So sorry OP, I’m sure you really didn’t need this from someone you counted as a good friend.

That obviously wasn’t your friend, it was the Green eyed monster possessing her body.
I’d feel gutted if a friend thought that about me.
The truth is that NOBODY thinks about inheritance when they meet young. People usually don’t really think about retirement and pension pots until they are 40+.

anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. Sending you hugs, EVEN THOUGH I AM JEALOUS TOO! 😄

The only gold digger in the story is her who is shocked and doesn't believe that you actually married for love.

Agree - not sure my friend ever felt love so she is still shocked that women like the men they are with, nevermind love. My friend makes comments about me marrying a rich man - tbh I could not stay with a man for a minute if I didn't like him nevermind love him...but I know she sees our relationship as something she'd wished she had - so I don't get upset with her.

The only mistake you made was justifying yourself to her. Tell her to fuck off next time.

End the friendship. Life’s too short. She is clearly jealous. And that jealousy will seep out to every aspect of your friendship, to giving you advice which is wrong, to sabotaging you, being 2 faced, grassing you up if you “get too big for your boots” (read jealousy) and she has questionable ethics.

a normal friend doesn’t sneer and say you planned it.

a normal friend might wink and make a jokey remark like you’ve done well! Got any plans how you spend your “lottery win” (jokey) And leave it at that.

she clearly thinks being ruthless and marrying someone for cash is perfectly ok. It shows a scheming, calculating, ruthless mentality.

Finish it. You will never get around her jealousy. Expect her to stand you up when you want to next meet up to “even the score” or sabotage plans, permanently “get even” or demand you pay for her drinks or meals or moan when you don’t give her a luxurious present “now you can afford it”.

you will have this underlying jealousy from her which colours your whole friendship. She will demand you go along with all she wants “as compensation” to the fact that you have something she wants - lots of money.

Thats called projecting. On her part.
Absolutly nothing to do with you.

I think you and I would be friends. I love people who speak their minds. If only more people were like you instead of mincing around all the time.

I live in California and haven’t a clue about your currency and took a shot.