I’ve been called a golddigger, haven’t I?

[LouLee63]

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. Really happy together, have a good relationship. We have a really “equal” marriage. We both work full time, contribute everything into one pot, financially comfortable with investments, pensions- all that good stuff.

He lost his last remaining parent a little while ago and, subsequently received a generous inheritance (high six-figures after taxes). As an only child, he was the sole beneficiary.

I met an old friend for dinner last night and she asked after my husband. I said he was well, coming to terms with his bereavement. She asked if probate was sorted and I said yes, without going into detail.

She then said I had “made a very shrewd move”. I asked what she meant and she said I was very smart to “make sure (I) married an only child who’d inherit well”. I pointed out that my husband and I met when we were in our teens and it wasn’t a conscious choice. I married him because I love him. She sneered and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that”.

I cut the evening short after that.

AIBU to be annoyed that she basically call me a golddigger, and reconsider our friendship?

I was laughing at your first comment, then this came along. 🤣😂🤣

In my mind’s eye, I see you push your chair back in the restaurant which makes a loud scraping sound, immediately capturing everyone’s attention in the very crowded room.
You stand up, full wine glass in hand, and before anyone can react you say, “Fuck you, CiCi - lose our number,” and simultaneously toss your red wine directly in her face.
You set the glass down, toss a £100 note on the table and turn to leave — leaving a gawking restaurant of people in your wake, until suddenly great thunderous applause breaks out.
At the the door, you stop. You turn around, take a bow, and exit, your self esteem in hand.
Brava! Brava!

What an extraordinarily insensitive thing to say! Of course you’re not a gold digger op.

I'd have backhanded the bitch (metaphorically of course).
But then, I'm rough as fuck.

Some people are very envious about money, or even their perception that others must have loads more money than they do. This can become more pronounced as people reach a stage of life where they may feel they “should” have more, and comparison takes over.

Most unpleasant comments or behaviour stem from fear of some kind. Perhaps your friend is worried about her own financial situation and this horrible comment is how that fear manifested on that day? That doesn’t excuse it of course, but if she’s been a good friend then it might help to reframe the comment not as spite, but as reflective of her feelings about her own life?

Omg that’s awful. I would personally never want to see her again. Hope you are okay op.

What a deeply unpleasant thing to write.

A priceless insight, entirely new to MN.

All posts are one-sided.

People have said much the same to me. Told me I did well to marry a man who earns so much and can give me a wonderful life. We met age 18 and 19 at uni and we didn't have a penny between us. Hard work and team work has got us where we are now. I married for love not for money. I get you OP it is so annoying.

In your mind, yes.

What is the point of the preamble about your finances and equal relationship etc etc. And I cringe when people say things like "high six figure sum" - like they really want to shout it out while trying to appear nonchalant.

Come on OP. This did not happen. You know what you're doing.

Absolute bollocks.

If you were accused of stealing and there was no truth in it you wouldn't laugh.

Sounds more like Cod Psychology aka made up shite

this. She is probably frustrated with her own life choices.

What a cow!

You are definitely NBU!! She’s just insanely jealous (and not a good friend).

£100 note????

Are you 100% certain she wasn't joking?

My friends and I say things like this to each other, but it's never serious.....

If she was definitely being serious, it's a bit bonkers. In fact it sounds like maybe she has never really liked you, and for some reason has finally decided to let this show.

Have you had any contact with her since the meal? I would ask her why she said it.

Had to google that - apparently they do exist but are not issued by the bank of England - only bank of Scotland and Ireland.

So sorry to hear she behaved like that towards you. Understandable you wouldn't want to speak to her again x

Agreed, acting like something is true if ppl react or become defensive, this is manipulative fake psychology where ppl who've been insulted get gaslit into believing they're somehow in the wrong otherwise they "wouldn't react".

Hope you're ok OP, I'd definitely take a step back from the friendship, she sounds jealous and judgemental.

So if I accuse you of something heinous like abusing your children or cheating on your partner, you’ll happily laugh it off and not get upset by it at all? You’ll just put up with rumours and accusations, no matter how hurtful and slanderous, because showing upset will basically make those accusations true?

Thats a very weird approach. I really don’t think that’s typical.

OP, in this story, you claim the women has been your friend for 25 years. So you must have a far deeper understanding of her than anyone on here! If this is indeed true, and this one comment has suddenly and inexplicably made you worry you are perceived as a 'goldigger' - so much so you now need reassurance on this matter from the internet - why not just tell her she is out of line? What are you looking for in here?

Of course someone dying doesn't make you a 'goldigger.' You know this because it's obvious and goes without saying.

If you just wanted to tell random people you have inherited a 'high six figure sum, ' you've done that.

Presumably that PP lives in Scotland.