To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

My dd was 4 a few weeks before starting school, and there were a few summer babies in her class. She had no problems settling in, but this does depend on the child I suppose, she had been at nursery before so I had no worries. Dd came on so well in foundation, I was amazed by her reading progress since starting and also other social skills like learning to get changed independently for PE etc. when deferred i think they go straight into year 1 and miss the foundation year? This mostly consisted of around enjoyable play based learning, which DD loved. When they start in y1 I would worry they’d be behind the ones who started the year before, not just academically but socially? If they start them in foundation a year later that would be fine but not sure that is the case?

They don't miss any school, they just start later. If summer born you can choose to send them at 4 or 5.

Yes I know they can start later, at 5, but do they then put them straight into year 1? Therefore missing the foundation year if so?

No. They start in reception. They don't miss out on schooling.

I have a summer born daughter who started school a few weeks after turning 4.
Honestly, I have no regrets so far - she is in year 1 and doing great. She's occasionally thinks about her birthday being after the rest of her class or not losing any baby teeth year but it's not a big deal.
I'm a SAHM and also have a son 19 months younger.
If husband's shifts allow, I take DD out after school, just her and I. I haven't scheduled lots of extra curricular activities, she just does swimming so this leaves lots of time together.
We do park stops on the way home from school, with or without younger brother and usual with school friends/ neighbours and we manage to pack lots into our weekends.
We don't do many school playdates tbh, she has lovely friends there but she already sees them 5 days a week so we tend to see other friends, neighbours and family at the weekend.

The only downside was the emotional collapse we often had after pick up in the first few months. Just due to tiredness! We also have a long walk home so probably not helpful but she loves walking now. I couldn't imagine differing a year!

It is at the schools discretion re deferring as well, which is often lost amongst ‘just defer.’ It’s a big decision and not one I’d make on the basis of my own whims. I won’t lie, it is a bit exasperating having pages of people telling me to defer when I tried to make it clear in my OP it’s something I’d only consider if DD clearly was showing signs of not being school ready. But never mind 😂

I have 2 kids who are both the youngest in their years. Both performed top of their years academically so anecdotally I’d say don’t hold them back. I was one of the oldest in my year and I hated it.

@scissorsinthekitchen personally I think you’re asking the wrong question. It shouldn’t be “is my child showing signs of not being school ready” (you can’t answer that now anyway as obviously right now she is far from ready) but rather “how can I best support my child to thrive in her education?”

If you put that front and centre and ignore things like funding (btw you get full funding for deferred kids) and speculating about how the school would feel about it, you will get more clarity.

It is up to you but honesty unless they are clearly special needs I wouldn’t even consider deferring.

Children are hugely resilient and age is not necessarily the most significant factor in how they get on at school. In my DS’s Reception class there are 8 August born children. You’d struggle to know which ones they were in terms of ability. In fact their progress appears to be far more closely linked to their parent’s engagement with their education than it is with their age.

I’d also further echo the sporting issue that others have raised above. While it may seem a way off at the moment it can be a crushing blow to any keen sporty child as they progress through the years. They will find themselves at a huge disadvantage in terms of both opportunity and environment as they will be banned from competing with their own school year peers.

My point was that it isn’t the “rest of their year group”. A deferred child with an august birthday will turn 13 just a few weeks before classmates with a September birthday.

Is this something recent? I delayed my now 10 year old and it was a battle as they wanted her to
join Y1 and miss reception and it was on me to have to prove why it was her best interests to stay out of year. They were supposed to treat each child on merit of case but in reality, everyone doing the same got the same refusal letters (on mine, they didn’t even change the name and my daughter was referred to as Sam snd a ‘he’!
I had to do a freedom of info request and as they obviously couldn’t be arsed with the paperwork, they accepted out of year request.

it was so stressful and I didn’t know what was happening until a few weeks before sept and didn’t know if she’d be staying at nursery or going to reception.

all while seeing my dad die of a brain tumour xx

so I hope they have changed it mow

It depends on the school and the LA. In Liverpool for example they don’t allow you to stay in primary if you should be starting secondary so at some point you have to skip a year

It 100% depends on the child. I have a 31st August child. We worked so she was in nursery/ preschool and she would have been really bored with a second preschool year and was ready for a new adventure. It didn’t feel like I had less time with her, she was in school less than nursery but acknowledge that’s different if a SAHP.

My daughter is year 7, academically she’s fine (top sets etc) and she’s as emotionally mature as her peers. I don’t know what she’d be like if she had deferred but we’re happy with the decision.

Once upon a time schools did intakes in tranches depending on age. September intake for the older ones . January for the next lot. Then the final intake after the Easter hols. I think thats how it worked. My birthday is April so I had just turned 5 when I started.
Looking back it seems quite sensible to do it that way.
I can honestly say that I have never known any parents expressing a desire to keep their children at home for an extra year.
It used to be a cause for celebration when they finally started school 🤣🤣🤣

You’re right. At my kids school the head doesn’t allow summer borns to defer into the year below. But they can join later on in reception or at start of year 1.
My friend deferred their child, so is over a year older than some of her classmates as summer borns that didn’t defer. It gets a bit complicated and her class knows she’s really a year 3, but in year 2 so there’s some things she can’t join in with, occasional sports competition etc. Or has to go with the year 3s and 4s. There was a writing competition for KS1 and KS2, despite being in year 2 because she’s ‘really’ a year 3 - had to join the KS2 one due to regulations.
Also, just because a head has agreed to defer for primary school, doesn’t mean the head for secondary will. They could miss out on a year of schooling. If you get confused and apply at the wrong time, you might not get any of your first choice secondaries. So not only missing a year but also having to go to the nearest school that has places in that year group.

Just send summer borns part time as you like… by the time they get to about 8 it’s not such an issue IME. It’s a short term issue some solve with long term implications. And for some it isn’t even a short term issue.

Send them part-time - the best of both worlds. My Summer-born DC went P/T and it worked very well. They started full time the Half Term before their birthday. They had that extra time with me doing non-school things, but they were still in their correct year and also experienced school.

Schools don’t tend to advertise P/T as an option but if you ask and push a bit, they offer it. I agreed a schedule with the school, which was reassessed at Christmas/Jan, and it all worked fantastically.

Some studies suggest that deferring offers not material benefit academically, and may be detrimental after a certain age. Don’t take the decision lightly.

As a teacher I have noticed that a significant portion (but definitely not all) of my lower ability students are July/August born. There are other factors though, parent education and engagement, early reading, home environment etc. I have also taught many summer born children who are very bright and working at a greater depth standard.

There is a school ready list for development that you can use next year to help inform whether you think your child would benefit from deferring. It seems more parents are just deferring because of the statistics and I would take it as an individual decision based on where your child is in their development.

I’m not sure why that is better? Reception isn’t exactly hardcore.

@Matronic6 i know. I’m a teacher myself, albeit very part time, I have an older child who is currently in reception and I am a school governor at this school.

While summer borns are at a disadvantage it is primarily August born boys, while DD is a girl born in July. I’m not concerned about anything on the school readiness list.

Selfishly, I’m a bit sad that if she’d been born five weeks later we would have had an extra year of days out during the week when it’s quiet, and four is a lovely age for those sorts of things. I did them a bit with ds but it was harder to enjoy them as DD was in the mix as well and so I had two competing needs to meet. (Also cost!) But four is a great age for autumn walks and exploring, Halloween trails, all the Christmas stuff, the big places such as aquariums and wildlife parks and even good old soft play are quite cheap and quiet in the week. I took DD and DS to a wildlife park not far from us yesterday and it was £65 just to get in 😩😩

So I do feel a little bit like it would be so lovely to have another year of that. But on its own, I don’t think that’s a good reason to defer her. If there were no other consequences to it then maybe but as I mentioned above it would come at a high cost both in terms of nursery fees and in terms of me not being able to work much, plus I don’t see anything that makes me think she won’t be ready. It’s me who is not ready rather then her I think - it will be the end of chapter in my life and I’m sure the next chapter will be amazing too.

OP, to feel like this for a reason. It’s the same reason very very few other nations have a system like yours. Just 4 is ridiculously young to send her to school and any measure suggesting she will be fine is so inaccurate. It’s academic, emotional, etc. defer her and be sensible. Trust your gut!

You may not have a choice. Councils are very reluctant to defer a child. My council even stated they had a blanket ban on them (was lies and unlawful) the reason is they would end up funding an additional year in the school system they can ill afford. My son has autism, global delay, restricted speech and a summer born baby. The educational physiologist, portage, the nursery, the primary school, neurologist all stated that a deferred start would be appropriate for my son- the council rejected this. I had to threaten a judicial review in order for them to change their minds. Deferrals are not easy to obtain.

This thread 😂

And councils also can agree to a deferral but then when they start school begin in year one and not reception. My council refused to say in writing they would not do this with my son. Apparently their solicitors advised them against writing this on my son’s EHCP. I have assurances from the head teacher that she will not let this happen.

Sorry op. We have indeed totally derailed your thread. Sorry