I want the house. AIBU?

[HouseFair]

I feel like this might be controversial…

My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house.

Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids.

AIBU?

My wife and I both have kids (not with each other) and made mirror wills. Our kids get our pensions but the surviving spouse gets the estate. When the surviving spouse dies their estate is divided equally: 50% to each set of kids.

In the event, my wife died and I fell out for a while with her children, because they felt that they should have got all of her estate, as well as her pension (which was a hefty sum). It all got sorted in the end, but it has left a bitter taste in my mouth and the very close relationship that I had with them has never fully recovered.

If I had any advice, I would say that you should both come to a mutual decision and that decision should be shared with everyone involved (including making copies of the will available to everybody), so that no-one gets a shock in the event of an untimely death. The more money there is involved, the greater potential there is for fallings out

In this situation this is a terrible idea, OP would literally be giving him half of the investment on her flat currently owns when he’s bringing £0 to the table.

@HouseFair this is so messy. You don't have to buy a property with someone just because of an accidental pregnancy.

Is your flat let out? Or is it sat empty?

Are your incomes similar? How are the rent and household bills divided?

Just trying to piece together your current situation really.

I'd be extremely wary of buying a house with someone who has zero savings and no way in hell would I sell a property in my sole name to fund the deposit.

I can foresee so many problems for you in the future.

I don't understand why if he has nothing to contribute to the deposit he is getting a share in the house? Why doesn't he just pay you rent which you put towards the mortgage with the house in your name alone? He is basically getting a part of a house that he is only effectively paying bills/rent for - he would be paying that anyway if he were renting, which he would have to since he has no savings towards a deposit.

If you write up wills he can leave his share between his 4 children but with your having a 'life time interest' in the property. In other words, they wouldn't get their shares until you die.

You are both right and that way honours that. Of course you need to protect the roof over your and your child's heads. Of course he can't disinherit his first children in future.

I think you and he should be the immediate beneficiaries of each other's life insurance though, so the mortgage would be paid off iif needed. If he is providing financially for his other kids (I hope so!) he probably needs to look into an alternative provision for them.
He should probably speak to an insurance broker.

Will his first kids inherit from mum?

If you can't agree, I'd hold back, keep renting, and keep your flat as your security foe you and your child.

This. Keep it as your nest egg and don’t combine money until you’re married.

This!

Well, presumably he wants to have a share in the house for the same reason that everybody else has when they decide to buy a house: a share in an asset that is growing in value with all the security that brings. Presumably he will be sharing the mortgage payments and his earnings are being taken I to account when the lender assesses how much they can borrow?

It's a reasonably straightforward business (providing they don't get married) to write into the contract that she retains a percentage of the value of the house which represents ts the money for the deposit which she provided and the rest is split between them - perhaps on the basis of how they split the mortgage payments

Why? She is far more solvent than he is!

I imagine because they need a joint mortgage to afford the new property.

OP wouldn’t do herself any favours whatsoever getting married in this scenario, she’s currently financially stable and would simply be handing over 50% of her property to a man with no assets whatsoever.

In fact I’d be very wary OP, what’s the betting he suddenly gets all romantic and let’s get married with a baby on the way? In this scenario OP would be best not married at all.

Either ring fence your deposit or don't sell your flat! See how things work out when baby is born before making a big decision like this. You need to protect yourself and your little person! Good luck @HouseFair!

"But he’s renting so right now there is no inheritance that way."

But what happens after he has been living with you, and contributing to the mortgage and family costs for the next 30 years?

I also assume that his income is being taken into account when the bank is working out if you can afford the mortgage?

Are you really going to disregard all of that?

As so many others have said, a fair split would be to get a Deed of Trust that says that you are entitled to a certain percentage of the house based on how much deposit you put down.

Eg, if you're buying a house for £500k and you're putting down a £100k deposit (which is 20%) then you get back 20% of the value of the house if/when it is ever sold, and then the remaining value is split depending on how you each paid the mortgage and contributed to the household expenses.

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"My fear is that he’d die, and his ex would sue me for lost CMS or something"

Oh please, you cannot be serious about this! I refuse to believe that you could think something as incredibly wrong as this.

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"I’d have to give up my child’s home whilst in mourning to give a payout to his kids."

No, you wouldn't. This is why people go to a solicitor to get their will written. A properly written will, will allow you to live in the property (and even sell it and buy another property) for as long as you want, until you die.

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"I don’t see why they have to be given our home."

Wow, I'm really suprised that you're referring to it as "our" home. In reality, you you think of it as "my" home and you are objecting to to him sharing your life.

That's totally up to you, if you don't want him to contribute to and share in your life financially, then that is totally your perogative.

However, you can't then complain if he chooses not to contribute to the mortgage or your family expenses beyond what would be proportionate and then prioritise all of his children, not just the one he shares with you.

Quite. All this talk about him protecting his assets. He wouldn't have any assets without OP 😆

OP please don't sell your flat. Just don't.

Keep things as they are for now and reassess when your child is 5, if you're still together.

Perhaps his ex left him, and he had to give up his home for her and DC?

Life insurance and house ownership is different. Insurance should defo pay it off but he’s entitled to leave his share (make sure you get a higher share to reflect your deposit) to whoever but I’d be asking for a lifetime interest.

My husband has specific life insurance for this reason. Nether of would be homeless and his kids would inherit money via his other insurance policies. You don’t have to do this in such a simple term of paying the stepkids out of his half and you selling up if he just takes out insurance for himself and names the DC!

You own a flat which you are selling so you and DP can get on the housing ladder but you think he thinks if he does it should be left to his kids? Why would he think they if you are giving up the flat you own to make this happen,? If he dies first where are you supposed to go, with no home and having lost the equity you had in your flat?
Sounds a good deal for him. What's in it for you? You need to protect the deposit you are contributing and then work out the rest.

No way would I be finding the deposit on my own. Does he not save? That would be a huge red flag for me.

Stay in your flat. Don’t buy with him, only consider renting.

Sod that. If I were you, I’d keep the flat. Why are you selling a huge asset when he isn’t putting down a penny?? Keep the flat. Keep the flat.

All he brings to the party is his three kids. But it’s on YOU to buy a house for you, him, the new baby and his three kids. Nope, no way. Stay in the rented house and both start saving for the deposit, do everything jointly. Don’t sell your flat.

House left in your name until you either cohabit or youngest child has finished education.

You are vulnerable having a kid with someone and not being married.

"...you’re paying the mortgage"

Why do you make that assumption?

Much more likely is that the DP's salary is needed for the mortgage. I would guess that it is likely that the OP would not be able to afford this mortgage without her DP's income.

"...he said ‘absolutely no way’ if you are not buying the property as joint tenants don’t buy together at all."

I would totally disagree with this from the DP's point of view. He could spend the next 30 years paying an equal share of the mortgage and household expenses and, if he were to die first, then the OP would get everything and, no doubt, she would make sure that the children from his first marriage got nothing.

She does sound vindictive enough to do something like that.

Owning a property as tenants in common (especially with a Deed of Trust) is the best protection for both parties in this situation.

Fuck around and find out.. you did. I wouldn’t sell my house to find that your asset gets given to his other kids.