Page 6 | I want the house. AIBU?

HouseFair · 2026-04-02T17:05:22+00:00

I feel like this might be controversial… My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house. Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids. AIBU?

Pessismistic · 02/04/2026 21:58

Op your not married are you sure you want to sell up to provide the deposit what’s he putting in. If it’s a joint mortgage it goes to you he has to find something else to leave them. Op life insurance if for the person left behind to carry on paying for everything it’s nothing to do with his kids unless they were solely yours but even then it’s you then dc. It’s like you said he hasn’t got anything right now but he thinks because your buying together his kids have a claim they certainly don’t.

Neodymium · 02/04/2026 22:00

In Australia there is 2 ways to put a house in 2 names. One way if one person dies it automatically goes to the other person. Doesn’t go through the will or anything. The other way it doesn’t and you can leave your share to whoever you like.

i would tell him he needs to leave the house to you, and to purchase a separate life insurance policy that he can leave for his kids.

GUTTEDINSUSSEX · 02/04/2026 22:00

I am wondering why you think his ex may sue you for CMS ... is he not financially supporting his children? If not, why not?

Doesn't sound much of a keeper

Uptightmumma · 02/04/2026 22:02

Yes he should take out 2 seperate polices but also you should make a will. Because if he does first and you get everything then when you die his children that aren’t yours wouldn’t be entitled to any share of inheritance.

RedRock41 · 02/04/2026 22:03

Lucycurly · 02/04/2026 19:41

This has shit show stamped all over it. Such a shame a fourth child is about to enter the mess

Edited

Agree with this poster.

OP you are treating your child’s half siblings very ‘other’ and separate. Not a great start. Also unfair they will get nothing from their Dads house in due course. They were there before you and your DC. Second you decided to have a child together sorry but you do have a duty of some level to all the DC in the equation otherwise you could have held off and had a wee one with a man without kids.

You’d be better renting and keeping your flat. It’s clear what’s yours is yours and what will be his you also want to be yours? Joint wills are a good option but sounds like you want nothing you build together to go to his existing DC. Pretty grubby if so.

amyds2104 · 02/04/2026 22:03

It’s interesting on how negatively you speak about his kids. Clearly not a blended family yet dad is having another baby 🙈 his poor kids

BlueMum16 · 02/04/2026 22:04

CharlieEffie · 02/04/2026 20:48

Why should she have to move out of her house that she is/will be paying for?

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She doesn't. Legal advice will give her a lifetime right to live there or until she remarried. She is only buying half a half. He is buying the other half.

Greyhound98 · 02/04/2026 22:06

What percentage of the deposit is he providing, or is it all coming from you?
Can you mortgage your flat and use the equity in it to provide a deposit for the new house but keep your flat and rent it out to cover the mortgage payments?
Regarding a situation where he dies, I would suggest he takes out a life insurance policy to the value of his share in the house which is payable to his children in equal parts upon his death.
You could do the same. I wouldn’t bother with a clause in my will which states I’m allowed to live in my own home until I meet someone else, his kids could be waiting years for you to pop your clogs so they can have their inheritance.
Whatever you do, protect your deposit with a deed of trust, the solicitor will do this for you and it means if you split and the house needs to be sold, your deposit will come back to you and he can’t claim it as part of the equity.

previouslyknownas · 02/04/2026 22:06

Your probably buying a much bigger expensive house than you would need if it was just you and your baby and DP

i would be wanting to ring fence my deposit and more to take into account that you don’t need a 4 /5 bed house

your accommodating 4 extra people to just yourself and your own DC

personally I think your an idiot if you do this
he’s really the only person who benefits from this deal
you actually stand to lose a lot even if you protect your deposit

Another2Cats · 02/04/2026 22:07

Liveshives · 02/04/2026 20:28

Are you absolutely out of your mind?
He has 3 children and he's renting.
Why would you put yourself and your home at risk.
Christ, he doesn't own a pot to pee in and he's already trying to shaft you.

Go back to your apartment and raise your child there.
Have a bit of sense and self preservation.
Why would you put yourself and your housing security at such risk?

Buy the house yourself and let him rent rooms from you with a rental agreement.
If it doesn't work out, he moves out.

Wake up and don't be so foolish as to put your money at risk.

If this went sideways, and it got messy and went to court, would a judge throw him and his 3 children out?
It could be so so messy.
Don't do it.
You barely know him.
You are being sucked into a big house, the costs, maintenance of it all for 4 children.

You don't need this expense with just a baby.

He must be thrilled at your naivety.

"Buy the house yourself and let him rent rooms from you with a rental agreement."

I must admit, I don't think that I've ever heard anything quite as crazy as this.

Insisting that the father of your child can only live in the same house as you as a lodger.

If the relationship between the OP and her DP is so poor that she insists on treating him as a lodger then that is not a sustainable situation to be bringing up a child in.

Oreoqueen87 · 02/04/2026 22:09

I think you are being a touch unrealistic about being part of a blended family OP. He will be paying towards the mortgage etc so if he wasn’t able to leave something to his kids he’d be cutting them out entirely for the sake of his new family. Which is unfair and will have a lasting effect on them.

Theres something no one has touched on yet. There is a known phenomenon when you are pregnant that being protective of your own unborn child translates to rejection and defensiveness towards stepchildren. It’s biological - animals kill previous offspring (yikes!). I struggled with my partner buying anything for my much loved stepdaughter, I felt he was wasting money that our child needed.

I obviously didn’t say anything and it went away after birth. Just something to be aware of as it might be affecting how you feel.

You do need to protect yourself. I would say ring fence deposit, agreement that you stay in house until youngest child is 20, with his share is spilt four ways then. In 20+ years time you can either buy them out or downsize - you’ll have 20 years to get your head around it .

Also be aware that his kids may have a claim on the house regardless and even if rejected it will take up $ in lawyers fees.

Geminispark · 02/04/2026 22:13

Doesn’t sound like he can afford the three he’s got while another is on the way. He sounds like a freeloader and you’re now going to be responsible for housing 5 people.

I wouldn’t buy with him, I’d stay in the flat with the baby and he comes when he’s not with his kids until he’s built up his own share of a deposit: doesn’t sound like he’ll manage that tbh.

Original poster

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 22:15

GUTTEDINSUSSEX · 02/04/2026 22:00

I am wondering why you think his ex may sue you for CMS ... is he not financially supporting his children? If not, why not?

Doesn't sound much of a keeper

Yes he supports his kids, she relies on the money and is persistently asking for more. I have no doubt that if he died she would pursue whatever means she could to maximise anything going her way

OP posts:

Original poster

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 22:16

Oreoqueen87 · 02/04/2026 22:09

I think you are being a touch unrealistic about being part of a blended family OP. He will be paying towards the mortgage etc so if he wasn’t able to leave something to his kids he’d be cutting them out entirely for the sake of his new family. Which is unfair and will have a lasting effect on them.

Theres something no one has touched on yet. There is a known phenomenon when you are pregnant that being protective of your own unborn child translates to rejection and defensiveness towards stepchildren. It’s biological - animals kill previous offspring (yikes!). I struggled with my partner buying anything for my much loved stepdaughter, I felt he was wasting money that our child needed.

I obviously didn’t say anything and it went away after birth. Just something to be aware of as it might be affecting how you feel.

You do need to protect yourself. I would say ring fence deposit, agreement that you stay in house until youngest child is 20, with his share is spilt four ways then. In 20+ years time you can either buy them out or downsize - you’ll have 20 years to get your head around it .

Also be aware that his kids may have a claim on the house regardless and even if rejected it will take up $ in lawyers fees.

I don’t care if everything else goes to them, insurance policies and pensions or whatever. I’m happy he’d split it four ways. But I wouldn’t want to deal with his ex harassing me if he’d just died.

OP posts:

MermaidMummy06 · 02/04/2026 22:18

My SIL insisted her DH get seperate insurance for his kids to 'inherit' and refused to move forward with a purchase until he agreed.

She's quite brutal about money and said there was no way she'd risk losing her home, or having her step DC's DM have a say in anything she did go it. Or if she wanted to move she'd lose a lot of the equity and not be able to buy again, if something happened.

It's been 15 years & they've now got over a million in equity & similar in pensions. A lot to lose.

CautiousLurker2 · 02/04/2026 22:18

With all due respect, @HouseFair you’d be insane to co-purchase or marry this man. You are the one with an asset and only he (and his children) stand to benefit from a financial union. I would either: 1) stay in the flat alone with baby and he can visit; or 2) rent a new larger house together (with him paying more of the bills as he will be bringing 4 people into it, and you will be just you and a baby) but keep your flat as an income generator; or 3) YOU buy the larger house but in your own name only and he pays rent/bills for him and his kids.

He is an adult with 3 kids and has so far never been able to get on the property ladder whereas you, a single woman, have. Your deposit is his springboard.

And yes, if you buy together, he is totally entitled to leave his share to his children.

rwalker · 02/04/2026 22:22

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 19:32

But he’s renting so right now there is no inheritance that way. He’s got nothing in savings to contribute to the deposit.

My fear is that he’d die, and his ex would sue me for lost CMS or something, I’d have to give up my child’s home whilst in mourning to give a payout to his kids.

If he wants to take out insurance policies or save up to leave money to his kids, that’s great. I don’t see why they have to be given our home.

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there would be an inheritance because HIS life insurance would pay for the house

Why don’t you keep the house and let all his kids share the life insurance

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/04/2026 22:27

I don’t understand. He has nothing to pay for the deposit at all? No. He can pay you rent and you have the whole house in your name. He can do what he likes with his insurance then and can use any savings he makes to buy something else for investment.

Itsanewlife · 02/04/2026 22:31

Also, I know this is not the point of this thread, but in addition to the home ownership situation, have you seriously considered the challenges of living and sharing responsibility with him for his 3 older kids? The stories about blended families on MN are eye opening.

laughloseya · 02/04/2026 22:31

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 19:32

But he’s renting so right now there is no inheritance that way. He’s got nothing in savings to contribute to the deposit.

My fear is that he’d die, and his ex would sue me for lost CMS or something, I’d have to give up my child’s home whilst in mourning to give a payout to his kids.

If he wants to take out insurance policies or save up to leave money to his kids, that’s great. I don’t see why they have to be given our home.

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Who do you think should be given the house when you both die?

ElizabethReed · 02/04/2026 22:38

I absolutely would never have allowed this to happen.
Stay in your flat with you and your baby

Another2Cats · 02/04/2026 22:38

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 22:16

I don’t care if everything else goes to them, insurance policies and pensions or whatever. I’m happy he’d split it four ways. But I wouldn’t want to deal with his ex harassing me if he’d just died.

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"But I wouldn’t want to deal with his ex harassing me if he’d just died."

If this is what is primarily driving your concern, then you really do not need to worry at all.

"Yes he supports his kids, she relies on the money and is persistently asking for more. I have no doubt that if he died she would pursue whatever means she could to maximise anything going her way"

She may well be a right pain in the arse, (and in the event that your DP dies while his children are still under 18, she will likely be even more of a pain)

But, with a properly written will you can arrange for things to be split however you wish them to be and his ex will never get a penny (minor children can't inherit until they're 18 anyway and a trust will ensure that you get to live in the house for the rest of your life regardless.

His ex won't be able to touch you at all.

Another2Cats · 02/04/2026 22:41

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/04/2026 22:27

I don’t understand. He has nothing to pay for the deposit at all? No. He can pay you rent and you have the whole house in your name. He can do what he likes with his insurance then and can use any savings he makes to buy something else for investment.

Treating the father of your child as a lodger? Really?

If the situation really is that bad then the OP is better off not having the baby.

Newyearawaits · 02/04/2026 22:43

Bollixtothat · 02/04/2026 18:31

His inheritance should go to his children because if it goes to you, you will leave it to your children and his three will get nothing? That is probably his concern

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This 100pc

sesquipedalian · 02/04/2026 22:43

OP, I am married with stepchildren. When we made our will, the solicitor said did we each want our half of the house to go to our respective children, with the remaining spouse to have a life interest, and we said no, when the second person dies, assuming it hasn’t all had to go for care home fees, we want it dividing equally between all our children. Your partner’s ex has no claim on his estate once they are divorced - your DP could leave his assets to the cats’ home if he felt like it. But it’s up to you and your DP whether you each leave your half of the house to your own DC, so his would get a third of his half, and yours would get all of yours, or whether to divide it equally between all the children. I really don’t understand your DP - does he think the survivor of the two of you should be left homeless? As he has at present no assets, he’s got some nerve. Are you sure you want to buy a house with him? I fear you might be in for endless arguments over your will if you do.