I want the house. AIBU?

[HouseFair]

I feel like this might be controversial…

My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house.

Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids.

AIBU?

Are you joking he only pays the bills that agrees to otherwise it’s your responsibility and
you where planning on buying a house with someone that childish are you mad??

What’s going to happen when his kid wants swimming lessons, and he thinks it’s a waste so won’t pay? Or gymnastics, football, drama, instrument lessons… birthday party invite so need to buy a gift for the birthday friend? Days out?

You’ve really picked the wrong guy and I see now why the ex is so focused on money. He has probably paid the absolute bare minimum their whole lives, even when they were a couple.

Does your partner realise that he can get a “do it yourself” will for almost nothing from the Post office or Amazon? All he’d need to do is fill in the relevant sections and get someone to witness it. You aren’t required to get lawyers involved to have a will. It might not be as watertight as a solicitor would make it but it’s better than nothing at all.

He does pay for one extracurricular for each child so I guess he’d continue that. He pretty much gave his ex everything when they divorced (childhood sweethearts who grew apart because of her mental health apparently) and he still regularly overpays maintenance or loans her money whenever she asks. Which is fine if he’s paying half the bills.

He’s quite stingy with things like family days out but wastes money on buying work lunches and his collections. But he’s not so broke he couldn’t afford £50 for an insurance policy if he wanted to.

You clearly don't like or respect him - so let the poor man go free. Hopefully he'll be as financially generous with your child as he is with his ex

I got my first mortgage in 1995 (on my own) and I've never, then or since, by myself or with DH, been required to have life insurance.

Op sounds like he puts his ex before you tbh.

Imagine the nice peaceful life you and your baby could have in your flat, op. This guy wants the moon on a stick - it's like he thinks he's doing you a favour by letting uou buy a house for him and his kids.

To everyone saying the house should go to his DCs: my mum and stepdad had mirror wills. They were much older than you. But when Mum died, her share went first to my stepdad and then was shared amongst the (adult) children when he died. That seemed right to me. It was my stepdad’s home.

And that’s lovely that your stepdad implemented your stepmom’s wishes but he was actually under no obligation to do so and could’ve given it all to your siblings and cut you out

You'd have felt pretty differently if he'd left the house to his kids only, which legally he would have been perfectly entitled to do. Luckily your stepdad was kind and decent, but nobody should rely on the actions of another when it comes to how they want to leave their estate.

And for every step parent who honoured their late partner’s wishes, there are a dozen who cut the step kids out and leave the assets to only their own children or family.

It still would have been his home. He could stay in it for life. But your share would already belong to you, to be collected at a later date. That is how you protect your kids from the step parents who will cut them out. There are a thousand threads on this forum you can go and read to see how badly wrong it can go.

I am 100% certain. That’s what my step siblings have in mind. They perceive themselves to be more in need of.
Despite the fact that it is entirely down to their own life choices that they are in need of
A lifetime sponging off the state followed by gobbling up all my parents hard work
People need legal protection against these types

If he doesn't WANT to write a will, and WON'T take out life insurance then you absolutely need to ensure the house ownership is set up correctly to protect YOUR share. Over time, he WILL create equity in the house as he is contributing to it, it is only fair that his DC inherit from his share of the equity in your JOINT house.

If he's not prepared to set anything up legally or financially to protect both you and his DC then you need to walk away op.

A decent well-written will is difficult to contest. Intestacy means that ALL his DC will inherit his share of HIS assets, and yes, this could leave you out of a home.

I don’t think so, it’s nice that he wants to help out. We don’t have shared finances so if he chooses to bail out his ex with his personal spends, that’s his choice, and probably to SC’s benefit.

I do think, from his perspective, our DC will already financially provided for (by me) to a greater extent than SC will be by their mum. So he doesn’t want to give me/DC more.