I want the house. AIBU?

[HouseFair]

I feel like this might be controversial…

My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house.

Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids.

AIBU?

So you are footing a deposit so he can live in a larger house with his kids but if he dies next year you and your joint child will be homeless ?
Easy solution don’t put him on the mortgage and he pays you rent.

You could have a lifetime interest, so if he goes first, his half is left for his children but you get to live there until you die/want to leave.

Yes I think my Uncle and Aunt did this as he has a child from a previous marriage. She lived there many years after he died until she also passed. After that his share went to his daughter and hers to her son.

This. Keep your flat.

If this was the other way around and you had three children from a previous relationship, would you be happy for your partner to get the house and potentially leave the children with nothing.

The OP seems surprised that a parent would want their children to inherit from them

Oh

id be very unhappy with this if I was him to be fair

Do not focus on wills - these can be changed.

concentrate on ownership of the property and a mortgage insurance (not a policy where the beneficiary can be changed)

So how do you plan on ensuring his kids inherit if he leaves everything to you?

This… completely , make sure you ring fence your deposit asap…x

Deposit ringfenced as a percentage

Yea, im sure their joint mortgage isnt based on his income as well, and im sure he isnt' paying a penny towards the mortgage payments . . . . . . .

Depends if he’s matching OPs deposit for the house, if he’s not then his assets are considerably less anyway.

You wouldn’t have to leave your home to pay off his children. You would be entitled to the home until your passing, at which point, his share would be split according to his will, and your share would be split according to your will.

If this relationship doesn’t work out, and you find a new man to buy a home with, would you be happy for your share to go to him? Or would you want to ensure that your share goes to your child/ren eventually?

Why should his kids get half of a house their father wouldn't own but for the capital being put down by the OP? If he's that desperate to leave them an inheritance, why doesn't he buy somewhere in his own name? I'll take a wild guess - he can't afford to, and never could afford to without the OP's capital and her payment of half (if not more) of the mortgage. OP, just don't get financially tied up with this man, it will end in you losing out, I can guarantee it.

I'd keep the flat for rental income. You may be reliant on that if you don't want to go back to work full time after the baby comes. Passive income is a godsend when kids are little.

Really? But he isn’t providing the deposit and presumably a fair chunk of his current income will be used to support his children as they grow up, meaning that the OP is already losing out by subsidising HIS family.

I think the OP is right and that if he wants to leave his children an inheritance, he needs to take out a separate life insurance policy with them as the beneficiaries.

My mom and her husband have a tenants in common arrangement on their home.
If one dies,the other will remain there ( if they wish) until they pop their clogs.
They did this a mom hade enough equity to buy her 50% share of the house and her now husband didn't so he had a mortgage.
He had also said he was leaving his private pension to his children and not his ( now) wife,so I think my mom did the right thing to safeguard her assets.

Because you’re unmarried and he already has children the situation is complex. I’d see a good solicitor to work things out. If you died would you want all of your share of the house to go to your boyfriend and not your own child ?

That's the problem second time round.

He's not unreasonable to want to leave an inheritance to his kids.

You're not unreasonable to want to maintain your housing security in the event of his death and an inheritance for your dc.

Wow
so you want to protect your child
yet your pissed off that he wants to do the same for his

Keep the flat and the rental income as fall back in case things go wrong. Yes I'm sceptical, seen it all before.
I think what's more important to look at is if you did have a joint mortgage, in the event of death, it goes to the other person automatically, not their children. Make sure you have a joint mortgage and not 'tenants in common'. However, if you are ring fencing your deposit, you probably have a 'tenants in common' mortgage. Hmm, I'd get legal advice if I was you or just not do it.

Agree protect deposit, is buying a house in your interests? Have you discussed how you will splits bills, pay for maternity? The flat is your security. Really think about whether this is a secure choice. Good luck 🍀🍀🍀

I’d want to leave to my children too. He’s certainly not being unreasonable. It would be a deal breaker for me, and I wouldn’t buy with you. When I bought with my ex, we had a tenants in common mortgage and I left my share to my eldest child (didn’t have the younger then).

And he really doesn't want to be in a place where stepmother takes all and kids get naught