AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

So Glad you ended it. Hopefully that will actually be the end but maybe let someone IRL know what is going on in case he doesn’t respect your decision. I’m not trying to cause you worry but clingy men like him sometimes become stalkers. I’m sure you are aware of that, but we never think it will happen to us. Just be prepared in a hope for the best, prepare for the worst kind of way.

Do you have a ring doorbell? I’d be expecting him to show up. Don’t answer the door and if he’s persistent call the police.

Stay strong, and keep us updated so we can help you

The ‘too nice’ is a red flag. This usually means he was emotionally manipulative and it didn’t work.

id also worry that you have a potential cocklodger on your hands.

This is a red flag. First reading i would say its boundaries. But not believing your ill and having to come and check is a control thing. Id get out, and check with police on claires law. Good luck

He is now calling me on no caller id

You don’t need to worry about that now.
You’ve asked him not to contact you, so if he does you can call him out on it and say next step you’ll be calling the police (and mean it).
The relationship is finished now, it’s time to disentangle yourself from his guilt-inducing behaviour and throw yourself into work/plans for Easter/a home DIY project you’ve been meaning to do - anything that benefits You and your life, or you’ll enjoy doing.
You don’t need to waste time or headspace on him now, that’s the beauty of ending things.
Plan something nice for lunch, dinner etc.
Get any supplies you’ll need for the Easter weekend.
Focus all your attention on yourself (and your kids!) and tune him out. That episode is finished now - thank goodness.

Trampling your boundaries again!!
ignore it or he will think you were bluffing

Exactly. Walk away and block. I would have a long time ago. How you got to six months is beyond me.

Police. This is harassment. He is unhinged.

Don’t pick up

Well done on the messages OP. As I said before, any problems, call the police. I also like the brief message suggested by @UnctuousUnicorns if a follow up is necessary.
Hope you get a chance to relax though.

Good! Good luck.

I know. I think I was hoping he would just change, thankfully I am aware now before it got even further

You can set your phone to block no caller ID.

Make a note and screenshot all comms in case you need to speak to police.

He was calling the shots through manipulation, the fact he made out he thought you were lying about being ill so he could get his own way and come over is a HIGE red flag! He was using your niceness against you, making you feel bad for putting up boundaries and wanting space.
I think he was love bombing you so he can move out of him mums and get his feet under your table.
All this missing you and shit is an act and he has no good intentions towards you and your children. Soon his next predicable move would be telling you he has fallen in love with you, he’s never felt like that before bollocks and insisting to meet the kids as he wants to be their stepdad.
I would get a ring door bell at the front and back, it’s proof if he starts making a nuisance of himself for the police and don’t answer door to him.

Well done, perfect message. Very clear. There's nothing he can argue about. Hopefully he just fucks off and sulks. He can add you to his list of people who dumped him as he's too nice. If he tries to engage with you in any way ignore him. Call the police if he turns up. Wishing you a peaceful, healing Easter break.

Definitely police, Now!

You knew he was going to call immediately.

Stay strong, we’re all behind you. Be prepared for him turning up at your home now though.

If you are home, can you go out somewhere (yes, I know you shouldn’t have to).

You may also have to consider phoning the police if he continues to harass you.

How do I block unknown numbers?

My ex did that! I mentioned it to the health visitor as she rings me on a private number as well, so she texted me to say if she was ringing me and I carried on ignoring him. He eventually gave up, especially after I emailed him to say I wanted all communication to be in writing. (Shared kid, we have to have some contact even though he wants nothing to do with DS.)

Take care of yourself. Block no caller id and make notes, as people say. Just in case he doesn't stop. I'm glad you made this decision. Something seems off with him.

You met him recently, have tried to pull away a few times and he is begging you not to?

Run. Run away fast.

I wouldn’t block an unknown number - because local authorities, doctors etc use them.

Let every call go to voicemail, you can always phone them back and you have evidence if he leaves unwanted messages.

He is here