AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

FGS 🙄Why would she talk to him?? That will encourage him, he needs DUMPING from a height and fast. You say you've been in a similar yet suggest engaging with him, talking is the last thing Op should be doing.
I find some responses on these threads insane sometimes.

He made out I was lying so I didn’t have to see him

Run for the hills.

He’s not too nice: he’s going to be controlling, insecure, jealous, paranoid…

He’ll end up making your life miserable.

I need some space, do not try to contact me or come round. I told you it would come to this if you didn’t change your ways. The fact that you just demand you are coming round when I told you I like time to myself is just awful. I genuinely think you need to find somebody who can give you that time you want, it isn’t me, we have a completely different life and you don’t respect mine at all, you just care about what you want. Again please don’t try to contact me at all. Take care

I have sent the message

I have also blocked him on all avenues

Big no from me I’m afraid!!! Lives with his mum - does he actually have the means to buy his own home?

Sounds a lot like cock lodging to me and like he is trying to find a way to be at yours permanently. The clingy behaviour would drive me insane.

DP and I lived separately for years and only saw each other once during the week and every other weekend when we didn’t have the kids. Yes I missed him in the inbetween but this is probably what made the spark ignite - we couldn’t wait to see each other and honestly I loved nothing more some days in my own homes than slumping on the sofa in my scruffs with a glass of wine. Some days we didn’t even speak other than text messages

Just pull the plug. Think you’re going to have to be firm with him though

That would have been the end for me. He did NOT need to see you to know you were ill, you must have sounded ill over the phone. And as for accusing you of lying!
I would cancel the Easter arrangements and say Goodbye to this one. He is far too controlling.

Well done you

If he really is “too nice” then he will take it like an adult. But as he is obsessive, manipulative, jealous etc. etc. then I can understand you being apprehensive. I would make it about you - you aren’t ready to date, you have to focus on the kids, you’re too stressed with work - make it very clear that you won’t continue and then block if you need to. Don’t open the door if comes round. I think his reaction will probably make you feel sure you’ve done the right thing

I'm sorry @Theopdore but you are experiencing many things that are red flags for abuse, stalking etc. Please don't take this lightly. You have children to think of. I'm glad you seem to be considering ending it, please stay firm with that. If you need to have a friend with you when you end it.

I'd not normally state things like this quite so firmly, but your post really jumped out at me.

Also, just because he says he has to move back with his Mum because she was ill and he was cheated on because he was too nice, it does not mean those are accurate statements. Very few men who are like him are going to be honest about why their relationships ended. I'm sure he has form for this...

Well at least you’ve sent the message. Will he come round unannounced do you think?

Do you have security cameras or a ring door bell, op? If not, buy some before you send a text ending the relationship. Do keep a record of communication in case he becomes a nuisance. Tell him the end of the relationship is non-negotiable and you do not want him turning up at your home or any other place to see you again. Accusing you of lying when you’re ill and demanding to see you is not acceptable in any relationship.

He's only going to get more intense, if you're feeling overwhelmed and not excited at the thought of seeing him then you should end it . ETA : I see you have done that, well done , I hope he doesn't become a pest .

The message has been sent. Well done @Theopdore

Cross posted with your update.

I agree about security cameras on the door. Please also let friends know you ended it. Keep a log of any contact. Call the police if he turns up.

PERFECT

well done op

Oh God no, this one’s a nightmare- run for the hills.

Just saw your update, op. Keeping fingers crossed he stays away.

Well done. I think it's likely he will come round regardless.
It's important that you don't get into a discussion. You need to be firm and clear.

'I have asked you not to contact me. If you do not leave, I will call the police.'

And do exactly that if he doesn't go.

Me too

Well done OP, you have 100% done the right thing.
Keep talking to us, especially if you’re feeling worried about his reaction. Don’t be afraid to call the police if he turns up or threatens to, that’s what they’re there for, to keep you safe.
I’m sure he will give up once he realises you’re serious this time.
Sending you a huge virtual hug!

I feel really anxious as I don’t want any confrontation with him and I don’t know what he is going to do.

Too long.

"It's over. I never want to see you again. Don't contact me or I will call the police."

That's all that's needed.

Hes looking to get away from mum amd in with you

...can be used if she ever sees/hears from him again.

Well done OP and good luck with this.