AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

That's craziness and he's insulting you. You were ill and felt you had to prove you were ill.. He's too much, he shouldn't be dating, he's over stepping lines. Girl you don't need this, bin him off!!!

This is a scary read.
He is unhinged, controlling and a walking red flag.
End it with him by text and tell him you do not wish to be contacted by him ever again or you will involve the police.
Do this so you have proof.
You have children and you shoul not want this awful man near them.
He has zero respect for you or what you want.
He wants to control you life to fill his.
Take it seriously.

Your boundaries are shockingly weak.
Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk do this course.

You text him (it's only been 6 months)

Hi Bob, I have been thinking about easter weekend and really want to spend this on my own so please do not come over as you are not welcome.

I have also been thinking about this arrangement as a whole and this is no longer working for me. Please do not come round or contact me again.

I hope you find someone who can give you the time you need.

Then BLOCK HIM

Is there a friend you can have on hand to support you if he calls round.

If he does call round one warning to leave or police will be called and then DO IT.

Tell him you only want FWB - once a week.

Agree either way this. If you have boundaries in place then you’d see how many glaring red flags he’s waving right in your face.

Anyone checking up if you’re actually ill is a controlling cunt who needs to be told to fuck off

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

God, he sounds awful. He’s someone who lives with his mummy and is seeing your house as somewhere different he wants to hang out, and doesn’t seem to care if you want that or not!

This is a perfect opportunity to break up with him-don’t do it AFTER you have wasted your 4 days off over Easter with him leeching round your house!!

This is not relevant to whether you should break up with him but does he bring or pay for any food when he’s at yours? Clean? Tidy!?

Tell him it’s all too much for you and made you realise you want to be on your own.

He’s clearly an abusive man, why would you suggest she continues seeing him for sex?

What @MissCooCooMcgoo said.
He is the flaggiest red flag. So manipulative and scary.
Message him, get it done, and then have a nice weekend.

Do not do this, this is really bad advice and could lead to who knows what. Do not do this.

There are red flags all over this post. Drop him now before it becomes harder to disentangle yourself.

Yeah none of this is him being "too nice."
It is however him showing you exactly how he's going to be for the rest of your time together. It'll get worse unless you get rid.

I don't think so!

You need to end this yesterday, you are not his security blanket.
Adults live at home for all sorts of reasons contrary to popular belief on MN, but you are not there to provide entertainment, food, sex and whatever to his whim.
You have kids that need you and not a clingy toddler in a mans body.
'It's not working out for me so we need to call it a day' will suffice and mean it, no reasons, excuses, lies as that will only keep the dialogue open and the whiny 'But why? I'll change.' Don't engage because he will think I'll talk her round.
There might be tears, begging and tantrums but he needs to accept that you are not his 2nd mum and you are a woman who wants her life back to do as she pleases.
Once you've told him, block on everything no being just friends or dropping by, the door stays firmly closed and the police called if he causes problems.
This is NOT the time to be nice or guilt tripped [if ever]. Stand your ground

Yep - I’m another one saying he is abusive and controlling and it’s all likely to ramp up the longer it goes on; Also, how much of the “Missing you” is “I want sex”?
ETA - You seem particularly worried about his reaction when you dump him - any trouble at all, don’t hesitate to involve the police. In fact, I think you can get them to put some kind of record on your house to show that you are at risk or a priority.

He is getting away and needs to be told. My ex was in his 50's never married and no children, retired early and it was a similar situation where he wanted to stay at mine at weekends because he was bored during the week. I cherish my weekends as I work FT in a busy role Monday - Friday and I was waiting on him with food, tea etc. I realised I would rather be single for now as I had not long been divorced and want to enjoy my space. If he doesn't take no for an answer I suggest you report him and block. Not to scare you but you say you have young children, can you request information on him from the Police just in case? This sort of behaviour puts me off dating for life!

Without wanting to sound callous, whatever he chooses to do isn't your problem or responsibility.

I KNOW it's not as simple or clear cut as that but he is too much and you need a clean break.

He is a giant walking talking red flag. I dated a guy like this for seven years, as soon as I started pulling away as it became too much he dumped me and I then found out Mr perfect clingy guy had been cheating on me with the first woman to look his way that he worked with.
I myself am clingy but not to that extent I really feel for you. He used to turn up at my house or blow the phone up after we bickered. You could try talking to the guy?

Shit advice - I hope you are joking, because if not you need to raise your own self esteem and do better for yourself.

Absolutely sack him off!! I had this and it was far too much! Gave me the ick!

Finish with him by text and either go out or lock the door. He will definitely try to get back by fair means or foul. Probably foul. If you can go away for a few days, even better. If you are on good terms with your neighbours, ask them to keep a look out. Warn them not to say where you are as he is unstable. Do you have family who could move in for a few days?

He's far too clingy. I also question the whole "I got cheated on because I'm too nice" narrative - really?! Men who go around telling women that they're "too nice" are always a red flag.
It sounds like he's an irritating love-bomber and you're irked by his behaviour because it's not actually normal. He doesn't seem to respect your boundaries either. I wouldn't necessarily write-off a relationship, but I do think you need to write-off one with this clingy limpet.

He is too clingy.

I was about to say, tell him how you feel and say you need more space.

But you've already tried that ... I would have to end a relationship like this, especially as he is not only clingy but also doesn't listen to what you say.

If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is.

You do realise the headline that he was "too nice" and that's why his ex cheated / ended it is HIS version (and his mummy's I don't doubt). Poor woman probably had exactly same issues as you.

End it. No way should you feel like this about anyone you are seeing - but certainly not 6 months in. He can't / won't change.