AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

Good grief
maybe re read the exchange. It wasn’t the op my post was responding to

Did you mean this to sound sceptical?

Yes - the police got involved due to 6 years of harassment. They had him in for questioning. I had an assigned female officer (the sergeant actually). They installed me cameras front and back.

Any other doubts on your behalf?

Calm down

I was impressed and pleased the police brought him in for questioning despite no previous involvement; and no previous contact for 18 months and then a like of a social media photo.

You don't know what his criminal history had been.

I’m not stupid. Everything about your post and subsequent post is belittling, minimising and screams incredulity dressed as faux surprise. I was a victim of stalking and harassment for 6 years. I had my friends and family targeted, things left on my step, letters put through my door, texts from unknown numbers, emails from newly-opened email accounts, my social media stalked, he drove slowly past my house on numerous occasions despite living in another city.
The hell of never quite knowing when he’d pop up again out of the blue contributed in part to a breakdown.

I found your posts very minimising.

This place really has descended into the dregs

Good god

I was impressed that the police response so proactively and had him in for questioning on the basis of a photo like!! You said you had zero evidence!

You’re back peddling here. It was clear to me you were questioning the previous poster as if you didn’t believe it happened. And if you genuinely didn’t mean that, you need to consider the way you write in future, or where it could look like you don’t believe someone, add a note to the original comment stating that it’s a genuine question or whatever!

To @FoxLoxInSoxI’m so sorry you experienced that, it sounds horrific. I was stalked for a year by my rapist. You become a shell of the person you were, don’t you? I hope you have managed to recover.

Ok so I said I was impressed the police came out on the basis of no evidence aside from a social media like.

That was it. Literally ALL I said

@Whatsnextforbea

why does she need therapy? And why does she need to be single?
Clue - she doesn’t, on both counts.

What I said exactly

*Whatsnextforbea · Today 10:38
I’m impressed the police got involved on the basis he liked a photo after 18 months of quiet.

Therapy for the horror that this experience has been

single to just calm, relax and rejuvenate

Which definitely sounds like you don't believe this happened.

If you’re prone to seeing shadows where there are none, indeed

Someone saying they are impressed by a police response is really so very unusual and suspicious for some posters - which is a rather sad

Your initial post just dripped with scepticism. It was obvious that you thought she was lying or massively exaggerating.

@Theopdore I hope you're having a lovely peaceful Easter with your DC.

Here is my initial post

Whatsnextforbea · Today 10:38
I’m impressed the police got involved on the basis he liked a photo after 18 months of quiet.

I read so much awful stuff about the police. I was impressed with this response. So shoot me!

We're all well aware of what your initial post was bea and we're all aware who you were replying to (not the OP). It read as sneery, disbelieving and dismissive. If that's not how you meant it, think about how you write in future. Then you won't get people shooting you for being snarky.

Goodness me, is he semi-literate?

Good point. Writes like a Neanderthal

The police have an appalling rep atm so I’m impressed when they are as responsive as that poster outlined.

If you choose to see shadows where there are none, so be it

You have to unblock him to tell him with 100% clarity that the relationship is over and that you don’t want any kind of further contact of any kind. Then you can block him again. Any police officer will give you the same advice, as if the time comes to report him for harassment, this will be the first thing they’ll want to know you’ve done.
He seems to believe you’re taking some time to yourself short-term. And to be fair to him (reluctantly as he is clearly off his rocker), your text was vague enough for him to keep giving himself hope. He will keep badgering you and inventing ways to do so until you’re clear with him. After which, if he keeps messaging and turning up, he’ll be considered to be harassing you.

I had plenty of being gas-lighted by my ex who went on to stalk me thanks.

I don’t need your gaslighting also.

@Tillow4ever - I’m devastated for you that you were put through that - stalked by your rapist. There are no words.
I really am touched that you wrote in support of me above, and felt able to share your own awful experience.
I hope you’re doing ok now, and life is treating you more kindly. 💐

Thank you @FoxLoxInSox - it’s a long time ago now. It does still affect me, everywhere I go I will ALWAYS scan the area around me/the venue looking for him, even if I’ve travelled somewhere. I can’t relax until I’m certain he won’t be there. I hate that he still has that level of power over me, nearly 30 years later.

I hope things are better for you!