AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

I don't think you can (at least I can't.) I just ignored my ex when he tried phoning me on a private number.

Tell him to go, through the window and call the police.

Agreed. He sounds creepy.

Do not let him in. Call the police.

Ignore him, do not let him in. If he won't go away phone the police.

I haven’t let him in. I think he is gone

Don't let him in!!! Don't give him any time to talk.

Broken record from you saying: 'IT IS OVER'

And call the police if he doesn't leave

Absolutely this.

Well done. Stay strong.

DO NOT LET HIM IN

DOES he know you’re there

But stay vigilant. Keep your doors and windows locked.

If he knocks again tell him he is to leave you alone or you call the police. Then if he still knocks and rings you ring police straight away! He is unhinged @Theopdore

Well done @Theopdore ❤️ stay strong.
Im so glad he didn’t meet your children or ever get the chance to live with them! Like others, I also believe he was setting himself up to be a cocklodger and he’s already jealous and envious of your children. I’m so relieved to read that you’ve ended this now.

Bin him!

He’s not going to get any better.

He has no respect at all for your boundaries and it doesn’t sound like anything you can say or do would improve it.

Contact the police and file a report for harassment/stalking. Screenshot all messages and any incoming calls from unknown numbers. Compile evidence.

Send his photo and number to any of your close friends and be clear about what's happened - it's over but he's got form for not respecting your boundaries and may contact and lie to them to try and get information on you.

Get a Ring/any other video doorbell as a matter of urgency. Don't ever open the door to him - or anyone you don't know who could potentially be working for him. That sounds dramatic but this is, sadly, the world we live in. STAY SAFE.

Hopefully he's nothing more than a CF, desperate cocklodger in waiting, and once he realises you're serious and that his clinginess and relentless calls won't get him anywhere with you, he'll move on.

Blimey! Sorry had a big gap between starting my response and finishing it as DS came in.

Well done and stay strong!

Imagine what he’d be like after a year 😱

I’d ring the police. If anything just to get it logged as an incident. It’s harassment however you look at it and I can’t honestly see this being the last time he turns up

Me too.

He has met the children on occasions as I have them pretty much all the time. Hindsight I shouldn’t have but you live and learn

If this relationship was working for you, you wouldn't need an "escape".

He clearly ignores your boundaries and believes that his wants and needs rank above yours.

Frankly, he sounds like a pain in the arse and likely borderline abusive if you stick with him.

You clearly (clearly!!) do not want to be with him so why are you??

Are your children on school holidays at the moment?

If not, have you got a trusted school mum friend who can just ensure you get back to your car ok?

I’ve had a situation with a slightly psychotic ex and there was a plan in place for me at work for a colleague to walk me to my car at the end of the working day

I would ring 101 and report him for harassment and I would consider a Clare’s Law request. I expect he has form for this.

I have a feeling he will turn up at school as he knows when I will be there.

You’ve done the right thing OP, there were so many red flags xx