AIBU to feel smothered by someone I have been seeing?

[Theopdore]

I came out of a 20 year marriage 3 years ago. 2 children aged 5 and 8. I have dated in the past but nothing serious. However I met somebody recently and we got on so well etc but I feel completely smothered. He wants to be with me every second I don’t have the kids and I just want some time to myself. He has invited himself over the Easter holiday as the kids are away with their dad and I just feel exhausted at the thought of it.

his background is he has no children. Still lives with his mum and was previously cheated on because apparently he was too nice?

in the mornings I am very busy getting the kids to school/getting to work etc. if I don’t answer within an hour he messages again and rings me and I just don’t need that.

he is a nice guy but maybe I just don’t want a relationship? Or is he too clingy?

we have been seeing each other for around 6 months.

Try reading the OP's responses.

I got the Ick after reading your first 2 posts.

You are beyond belief.

If someone blocks you on ONE platform, that's your information that they don't want contact with you. It's not an invitation to find the one platform you haven't been blocked on and contact the person there.

If someone says, I need you to change or we'll have to split up. Then says, don't contact me again, I told you this would happen if you didn't change. That's not ambiguous. If you think it is, then you have issues. You're the one who can't comprehend what's been written.

He isn't owed closure. Nobody is. If OP wants to block him without giving him a chance to respond, that's OPs right. He doesn't have a right to be able to respond. The OP doesn't have to hear him out. The OP is allowed to protect herself from his manipulation attempts, she doesn't have to expose herself to that danger, he doesn't have a right to attempt to change her mind and get her to do what he want he to do.

If he escalated because he can't get his own way closure, that's 100% on him, it's not OPs fault for not giving him closure. His emotions aren't hers to manage. She's not responsible for his emotions, he is.

Sounds like he has too much time on his hands whereas you not so much. I’d recommend dating someone with a similar background to you, they will be understanding and not so clingy. A guy with no children and not really any relationship experience cannot possibly understand what it means to have a night alone

I'm glad you've had a rest, this must be so stressful and exhausting.

I do hope he fades away, Theopdore.

Keep posting when you can, everyone is rooting for you.

OP, in case you haven't realised, he's rewriting the narrative to one where you're mentally unstable and he's the heroic boyfriend putting up with your toxic shit.

According to his messages, you're "struggling" with the kids. He's there to talk/come over if you need to "take your mind off it" (off what, exactly? There is no "it"). Insinuating he feels like shit because of what you're doing (which is nothing except ending a bad relationship and minding your own business thereafter) but he "still loves you and is there for you and knows you love him too". Him talking about ithe breakup like it's come completely out of the blue.

Everything he writes is from the perspective that you must be having a mental health crisis/you've got a personality disorder (because in his mind obviously that is the only possible reason why you don't want to talk to him 🙄) and are kicking off for no reason and saying things you don't mean. It's gaslighting, but potentially of other people not just you. In future you'll be his "crazy psycho ex".

Don't get into any kind of altercation with him, stay calm whatever he does, because if you get upset or whatever, then when police are called he'll turn round and say "see? I told you what she was like".

Hope you’re ok OP.

This would absolutely escalate the risk

Sounds like he's a stalking nightmare more like!

Those texts sound like they were written by Wayne Slob.

I don't know why anyone is expecting to hear from OP tonight. She's already said she didn't sleep last night and has had a nap today, she's got kids so will have been busy this evening with them. Not much point asking her to post to say she's ok, after about 9pm. I expect she went to bed fairly early. For anyone not in UK it's now 12.40am.

No matter what you say, he'll use it to keep communication going. If you say "Do not contact me" he may say "Why not?" or "How can you be so cruel?" or "I'm missing you so much" or some other such rubbish (only mis-spelt of course).
If he contacts you again get informed advice as a previous poster said. It may be useful if police could talk to him but don't engage with him yourself, or expect your brother to do so - as someone also said, this could be interpreted as harassment.
(And doubt his employer would be impressed if they knew he was calling you on work phone - but leave others to deal with that).

I've been waiting for this comment 🙌🏽 😅

Walk away from this guy. If you carry on he sounds like he will be very controlling.

Rtft

I think you’re dating my ex. Either that or he has a twin!

A friend of mine was stalked by an ex once and he did the same things as this man. He’d use other people’s phones or even pay phones to call her when she blocked him. He’d set up new accounts to message on social media so in the end she took her accounts down. He’d turn up at her house and sometimes just sit there in his car, other times would post letters through the door. He knew the route she walked with her DC to school so he’d drive along slowly beside her and shout things at her, obviously embarrassing with other parents around. Then it escalated and he basically was waiting for her after she’d dropped her DC, he jumped on her and held her in a neck hold so she couldn’t escape. She called the police and luckily for her, he stopped then.

You need to tell the police if he doesn’t stop. He sounds dangerous. This will undoubtedly be a lesson to you anyway but in future, try not to let men into your home until you really know them well and trust them and definitely don’t tell them which school your DC go to.

Keep ignoring. Don’t give in, that’s what he’s banking on.

What a fucking creep. And who messages like that at almost 40???

Oh my what an unhinged loser. Age of 38 and you can't leave someone alone for 6 hours. Anyway it's very strange OP hasn't been back! Hope she didn't give in to his absolute drivel.

please send him a message saying not to send you any more texts or to contact you in anyway.This guy is potentially dangerous. If he contacts you again after you have sent that text then please notify the police and contact the stalker helpline.

I had one like this and the texts would flip
flop between “kind and understanding” and all the hope you are ok comments, then I would angry and resentful texts about how I ruined his life.
you will have to watch and wait really. Make a log of everything in case you need police, and change up your routine so he can’t “bump” into uou. Don’t answer any calls not from people you know and get a ring doorbell.
it will not be over for a while, and after 6 months mine gave up (his mum found out about his crazy behaviour) it was a rollercoaster until then so you need to keep yourself safe until he gets the message. Don’t feel afraid to speak to police, I know they get a bad rap but with stalking now they will listen in my experience.

Is this guy 15? You said you weren’t going to send him a firm “stop contacting me” messaged with the police consequences so you have to ask yourself why? Does part of you want to be wanted ? Chased after? Because it makes no sense whatsoever that you’d want an illiterate nut case sending messages from other numbers/social media platforms. You are into this drama as you could have put a hard stop to it days ago and called the police.

Sorry op but he sounds like someone you see in one of those murder documentaries. He sounds batshit crazy if he keeps contacting you get an injunction against him.

What's with the "jus"? Is it now fashionable to drop off the T? I'm confused.

RTFT. OP has already told him not to contact her again.