Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

[Grtscott]

Some threads I've read this morning have helped me to realise that my thinking about men has changed since joining MN. And not in a good way.

There's an undertone that men need to do things the woman's way, or it's wrong. That men should be grateful for any sex that women are willing to give in a long term relationship, even if that peters out to no sex at all.

Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done.

This thinking is observable to a greater or lesser extent across the boards.

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future.

I'm concerned that the general thinking about men on this website can't be good for society if this is the way women think, and are encouraged to think by others.

If women treat men this way collectively and have low expectations around them, no wonder the bar is getting lower.

I think she was talking hypothetically rather than saying men in general don't do that.

Yes, I do think a lot of women are naive about how men talk to each other in male environments or online forums. Otoh I suspect some don't like it so much as go along with it to show they're one of the lads, but that's part of the problem. People talk as if female friends groups are the main ones to use peer pressure but it can also be strong among men

Basically I'm fed up by some women's attitudes on here towards all men and acknowledged today that this attitude is so ingrained in this website it's had a subconscious negative effect on how I think towards men

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future

So it IS a you problem.

The door is that way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I think the argument is that therefore short/lower earning etc men find it hard to find partners. But is this really such an issue in real life? Online dating is not real life.

I think talking about "misandry" is pointless, it doesn't affect men even if it exists, whereas misogyny gets women trafficked, assaulted, raped and murdered. Not the same thing is it.

This specific point :

'See the poster a few above you who implied that bisexual men are riddled with STDs'

• I'm bisexual myself , female though. I personally think that to some extent bisexual men as a group have created a rod for their own back. Factually, they are, as a group, more likely to have STDs. Of course many bisexual men are sensible but many are not.

It is also a fact that too many deluded bisexual men call themselves 'straight' and go on Grindr while married. It is a minority but still too many.

All things considered, it IS unfair to say ALL or MOST bi men do this, most do not. But it is NOT unfair to not date them for these reasons.

Yes, but not all stag (or hen) dos involve sex workers. That was a big red flag.

I'm sure some husbands coups be trusted but it still begs the question of why they have such sleazy friends.

And there are studies showing a lot of men DO cheat on stag dos and lie, women on hens to some extent too.

To be fair, did men alive now create the patriarchal standards? I think it's difficult to view men now as creating patriarchal ideas like that. Men are born into a system with certain ideas and expectations of them, and women, and they may not necessarily agree. They're not a homogenous group working in concert.

All kinds of people do AMAs on Reddit. Both Trump and Obama have. It's huge, especially in the US, billing itself as the 'front page of the internet', and people all around the world use it, 443.8 million per week according to the last count.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=www.interteammarketing.com/blog/reddit-statistics-2026%23:~:text%3DReddit%2520has%2520116%2520million%2520daily,Q3%25202024%2520and%2520Q3%25202025.&ved=2ahUKEwjlhKbbz82TAxXEUkEAHZJcLhwQ1fkOegQIBxAG&opi=89978449&cd&psig=AOvVaw10FVlWRJFkpaNYRMFUhr5g&ust=1775166241694000

It's really not comparable to something like mumsnet.

Pistonheads is smaller, agree on that. Partly because it started as a car-focused website, I think .

If men didn't agree with patriarchy, then we wouldn't have patriarchy anymore. The only ones who don't agree with it are the ones who are not only the victims of it, but have the insight to see that its the reason for their plight. Most men benefit from it more than they lose. Most of the ones who lose don't blame it. They blame us.

I'm am fully supportive of people calling out awful male behaviour and supporting women in recognising that for what it is and helping them address it in whichever way is appropriate.

Huh? You aren't at all supportive of the OP of that thread, where the man's behaviour is really, really unpleasant.

🤣 🤣 😂

Can you elaborate a bit more on what you mean by patriarchy? The UK isn't a formal patriarchy, women have equal legal rights.

Do you mean more in the sense of ongoing discrimination, VAWG ?

Yes I think OP is naive about Reddit. It is huge in the US in a way that really isn't comparable to mumsnet, and globally influential.

I think you're missing the point that there's evidence that paedophiles are deliberately trying to work in nurseries. Most posters don't object to men in schools, just nurseries where children are nonverbal so extra vulnerable.

Men doing childcare for their own children is different, there's not the same issue of predators seeking out in such numbers.

Racism against white people can exist: Rotherham gangs, for one.

I think people come into mn for help so you won’t hear about the everyday men/dhes/dads, you just see ranting. Saying that I’ve seen some horrible comments from men (and actually gotten 2 horrible dms from men), but then some of the women on here make me wonder are we from a different planet too, so cruel and mean. I think mn can just be a very tough place (but amazing too)

I figured it was just women are more likely to post things that annoy them or piss them off about their partners so men seem disproportionately shitty in comparison.
That simple!

I think about recent threads which advocate for banning all men from childcare settings

• I think this is more because there's strong evidence male paedophiles are disproportionately targeting kids' nurseries. The point is they are NOT representative of men.

There are also plenty of threads that say platonic male friends are possible.

Is Mumsnet really pro traditional gender roles? They're generally supportive of women working, for one. I agree can be too harsh on men

Good post!

You know most anonymous "women" who post on sex forums and sex topics are men, right?🙈

As I said, I believe there's more going on there than the OP has shared.

OP already has stated she's told STBX he can't date - completely unreasonable and controlling.

STBX has told OP she isn't meeting his sexual needs and wants to open the marriage. This needs exploring further.

So I didn't post on the thread - I can't go along with the man is in the wrong as there's information missing. The OP has gone AWOL, so there's no way of knowing what is actually going on. I refuse to immediately believe the woman is in the right because she's already shown herself to be unreasonable over the dating comment.

And you're so sure of this because...?

... You're so down on men, many of them pretend to be women online for kicks?

That's quite a leap.

I'm not sure why Reddit is relevant to how posters use MN to put men down.

It's been a irrelevant segway.