AIBU to help renovate my father’s bungalow instead of school pick-up?

[JustNotImportant]

Just looking for some perspective.

My Father has allowed us to live in his main residence as they are downsizing to a bungalow. This will be rent free, but the bungalow requires a lot of work.

I am the sole worker, my partner is a stay at home parent to 4 children.

I work 50 hours a week, outside of work I also run our children to all their out of school activities as my partner does not drive.

I took two days off this week to help with the renovation, the way I see it is they are giving us an amazing opportunity and I will help where i can.

My partner has complained and told me my priorities are wrong because I won't pick our children up from school these two days, which would of been their pickups anyway because of work.

So mumsnet, are my priorities skewed? AIBU?

So many assumptions that OP is a woman and partner is a man.
It makes no difference though. If partner usually picks up then that's what they do. You are busy whether it's work or renovating the place you're going to live in

Why can’t your partner pick up as usual?

Would you speak about a SAHM of 4 children like that?

Whether the partner is male or female does not matter, they should be collecting the children. And if all 4 children are at school they can go and help renovate the bungalow for a couple of hours when the children are at school.

What is he busy doing while the kids are in school? Why can’t he help with the renovations in that time?

Yes I would. I was a sahm for 4 years to 3 kids. I didn't find it the chore that many seem to.

I suspect OP is a man and the SAHP with the 4 children to look after is a woman.

Cannot believe someone asked what a SAHP of 4 children was bringing to the party. Presumably what they are bringing is all the childcare that allows the OP to work 50hrs a week unhindered and renovate a property in their spare time?

OP I'm sure you meant to say 'sole earner' and not 'sole worker' right?

It's not always that easy. People don't drive for any number of reasons.

The devil is in the detail. If which we have none.

How old are the DC? What is the usual situation with pick ups? Are any of the DC disabled?

I agree but it's also not nothing. I work full time and have to manage everything a SAHM does in evenings and weekends and with paid childcare and ultimately the ball often gets dropped and it feels like we are existing rather than living.

The undermining of the benefits of having a stay at home parent needs to end. Sending both parents out to work may be good for tax collection but it's wrecked house prices and created a horrible stressful life for most families.

Do you ever do pick ups? How engaged are you in your kids life?

if you never do pick ups because you’re working and you took a day off I’d absolutely expect you to jump at the chance of seeing your kids at the school gates. It’s super important to be involved in that aspect of their lives.

WTF? Why can’t he take them, especially since you’re clearly doing something to benefit the family?

Why can’t he drive? Why isn’t he working if the kids are at school?

More importantly why are you taking this lazy man’s opinions to heart?

If he’s not pulling his weight bin him off and move there with just your kids.

Your partner isn't working? The kids are at school and your dad is giving a great opportunity to the family. Why isn't your partner helping renovate it too?

Partner? Living in your parents’ house? Hmmm. SAHP is in a very bad position legally. If you split they’ll be homeless and jobless, with 4 children. Marry them OP.

Slight digression sorry. YANBU btw. SAHP should’ve done the pick up as normal allowing you to get on with the renovation that benefits the whole family.

Incidentally I suspect OP is a man…

The partner sounds pretty useless and entitled. Unless some big drip feed YANBU

YANBU

I don't know.
I assumed the OP is a man keeping his post carefully gender neutral.
If this is the case, some posters might get whiplash from the 180° turn they'll make.
(Btw what's the feminine form of "cocklodger"?)

Then they should learn to drive unless there is a specific reason not to. OP works 50 hours a week. As well as school pick ups the SAHP should be ferrying them to out of school activities, not making the inability to drive the excuse. And whether the OP is male or female is irrelevant.

This.

This is everything I wanted to say.

Particularly the final sentence.

Your partner sounds burdesome.
You have taken time off for a specific purpose, that benefits your family.
They'll be okay getting on with their normal routine.

YANBU

Your dad is doing something great for you so it’s nice to help where you can.

But does it make you a freeloader because you weren't earning? That's my point.