My friends cosmetic surgery & lip fillers - aibu to be quite shocked & saddened and to wonder why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d even say stunning. Lots of people have said the same . She’s recently had a cosmetic procedure and also lip fillers- I hate to say it - but it looks awful. I hope I didn’t look shocked when I saw her. Aibu to just wonder why on Earth she would do that to herself. I was lost for words- other people have apparently said the same . I think it’s sad she felt she had to do that . I get “each to their own” and all that . But as I say she was so beautiful before. I don’t get why she felt she had to do it. I feel it’s quite sad . I’m even wondering if it went wrong

Fillers are some thing someone actively chooses to to themselves

Weight gain can be caused by eating disorders, poverty meaning a reliance on fast food, medications (including anti depressants and cancer treatments) . Very few people choose it.

I ballooned in size when on steroids to treat a life threatening illness. That's quite a different thing from someone who's vanity causes them to pump their face full of crap.

As someone who’s vanity does make them fill their face with crap… telling them to their face can sometimes be a badge of honour. You noticed I can’t look angry or sad? 300€ well spent 😂😂

Nobody looks good with lip fillers. It’s the worst of all the procedures. What a shame for your friend. At least it will wear off.

I notice you can’t look happy either 😉

Also, being obese seems to have been a badge of honour (thankfully this seems to be changing).

If you cant see it was a jokey funny comment, I cant help you!!

When I was very large (whilst on steroids for a serious illness) I didn't recognise my own body and I would be shouted at and insulted in public. Compare that to how people are treated if their medical treatment causes baldness for instance. I was very grateful to instagrammers who taught me that it was ok to still want to wear a dress or a swimming costume etc. Shaming wasn't going to magically stop the effects of a treatment I had to take to save my life.

There is tremendous pressure in females to fit in. Whatever the aesthetic of the moment is.
I don’t understand the trend for yellow hair with brown/black roots, I think it looks awful, cheap and nasty. Never mind a complete waste of time & money. Yet look around and see how many females do this.

The beauty industry and got us sucked in.
Check out threads on here about posters asking for advice on how best to grow grey naturally. Many posters jump on telling the op to keep dying her hair because ‘grey hair is aging!’
So are thin lips and wrinkles.

My thinking is, if I can see it, it's too much

There is a woman on the perfume counter in a department store in my city who has these enormous duck-lips. I go in regularly with a friend. It was only when another sales assistant with the same duck lips walked by that we realised that there'd always been two of them. It was only when we saw them together that we could tell them apart. All you see is the lips.

Yes I’m pleased it’s now socially unacceptable to comment on people’s weight.

haha I will add you to the list of people who don’t like my Botox! When I first got it done, it was a huge shock (it really changes your face) but I eas told like fillers it calms down. I was shocked how many people felt the ‘right’ to say something to may face because they believed I was attractive and needed to hear it 😬 I knew it looked different. I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I don’t know how they thought they were helping but in the end I’d never not get it now 🙈

It’s really sad. I feel sorry for my friends who are going for this path.

That sounds like the sister may have persuaded her into it to make herself feel better about what she had done to herself. You sound like a very caring friend, but there's nothing you can do, I think. I find it very sad what women are doing to themselves these days.

I've asked my husband if men really find the "huge top lip look" attractive, and he tells me no, it's women doing it because other women are telling them it looks good.

I'd never tell anyone their fillers etc looked bad, because getting them must come from a place of insecurity to start with.
In work, it's the woman who was already the most attractive, who keeps having stuff done. She now looks quite different to how she used to look, but not in a good way. I often wonder how it affects young children and children's sense of worth, if they can't see their faces reflected in their parents'.

My trouble is that I get slightly fixated on someone's face if it's had things done, because you know it's been done, but you can't quite work out what or why, or whether it's actually made that person look better or not.

It's definitely hard to resist pressure from society. I don't want anything done, but then I think: am I going to look utterly shit compared to my friends, if they all have? But then, they'll still look mid 40s... just tighter. And is tighter actually better or does it just look weird? Especially when you see neck/decotellage/ hands? Why can't we embrace age as a sign of power?

I’m not against these treatments at all - I’ve had a bit of Botox in my ‘11s’ a couple of times - but I do understand how the OP feels.

I saw an old colleague not long ago after about 3 years and I was honestly shocked by what she had done to her face. She was genuinely a beautiful woman but since I last saw her she has got the swollen lips with the weird shelf-like top lip, very obvious veneers and I think some kind of cheek filler?

She is a lovely person, I would never be so rude as to say anything and if she is happy, crack on I guess. But my personal feelings are that she has butchered herself and fucked with her natural beauty and lovely, warm facial expressions. I do find it sad.

There's a middle ground, though, between shaming people for being fat, and telling everyone that their body is always perfect just the way it is.

Of course, nobody should be shouting at anybody in the street, and it's fine for you to wear what you like!

Oh come on. Half the female shop assistants I see have duck lips and waxen smooth foreheads. It's really not a rich person thing nowadays.

I don’t think it’s a money thing. Anecdotally though, I do think when it comes to fillers, esp lips, there is a correlation with level of education/professional career.

Ah so now you're contradicting yourself. Now fillers are an active choice people make from their own free will.

So, then why go on about the dangers of persuading and influencing other women that its how women should look if its an active free choice?

You cant have it both ways! Or, are you saying that if someone chooses to do something to their appearance they deserve to be insulted- if so, has this worked for you as a strategy? Have you made anyone give up their filler by shouting insults at them?

But it wasnt funny? 🙄

While that may be true, there are those of us who are on UC and opt to not augment our natural facial features to make ourselves look like sex dolls.

Women get bullied if they try and bullied if they don't. Not sure how this thread helps any of that. Judgemental fuckers, women.

Do they actually though? Does anyone stand in front of them and call them ugly? 4 eyes? Man? Too ugly to fuck? Fridge? Mummy long legs?
Do people verbally critique every inch on someone standing in from of them/ sitting on the bus?

I don't think I've been actively bullied to my face since I was 14. A boyfriend's ex one said I looked like a troll and was fat, but she had legs like tree trunks and I'd seen her mother, so I ignored her.

It’s none of your business is it? She either likes it or was self conscious about her lips so had fillers. They can be easily dissolved, it isn’t permanent.

I posted before about a friend who had a boob job and yes, one of her supposed friends was talking shit about her to her mutual friends and ended up shouting at her that she was fake and plastic and always pretending not to conform then doing the opposite. So yes, they do get bullied by other women.

Plenty of men very openly say all of the things you say to women too. I am surprised if you have never heard any of them shouting abuse about a woman's looks from a car or in a pub. Women do it more often behind backs, but the same judgement applies.

Oh I've heard lots of things about my perceived natural failings from men, and girls when I was in school. Teenaged boys were particularly offended by my ugliness as a teenager.

I'm not sure 'bullied' is the right term here. That implies the year in year out offensive many of us endured, as opposed to random comments by random people.

If by random people who you mean a woman who happened to call themselves friends talking to friends behind backs and shouting at someone that they are fake? Yeah, sounds like bullying to me. All of this thread is women feeling superior in their choices over other women and judging them negatively because of your own perceived authority and perfection.