My friends cosmetic surgery & lip fillers - aibu to be quite shocked & saddened and to wonder why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d even say stunning. Lots of people have said the same . She’s recently had a cosmetic procedure and also lip fillers- I hate to say it - but it looks awful. I hope I didn’t look shocked when I saw her. Aibu to just wonder why on Earth she would do that to herself. I was lost for words- other people have apparently said the same . I think it’s sad she felt she had to do that . I get “each to their own” and all that . But as I say she was so beautiful before. I don’t get why she felt she had to do it. I feel it’s quite sad . I’m even wondering if it went wrong

i do this!! Thin mean old lips

I’m overweight and rather ugly physicallly - presumably people are looking at me and judging me for looking like I do

I hate it so much when women describe other women’s choices as ‘sad.’ It’s patronising and passive-aggressive, and so judgemental.

Yeah I’m not sure about this either, it’s the concerned I’m so sad, thing. Which leads me to think the friend looks fab and the op is jealous as fuck.

Exactly - the faux concern. A bit like when someone loses a bit of weight and a friend says they’re worried about them.

Do you really not understand?

It seems natural for the OP to feel a bit miserable that her beautiful friend has done this stuff when she clearly didnt need to (we know why - horrible attitudes to aging women). Its depressing in general, and worse when someone has made themselves look worse in the process, which will probably make them feel down about it (so a normal empathetic response of OP).

I discuss trivia, I wouldn’t discuss my ‘friends’ face on Mumsnet.
To answer your question about logic, I’m not invested in a strangers friends’ face. I am however invested in women having authentic relationships and supporting each other’s choices
some people are so triggered by other women getting fillers etc. It’s weird.

No I dont. Her friend has got a bit of lip filler, she hasnt joined ISIS.

I find it utterly bizarre to feel this level of despair about someone else's choice about how to present themselves.

It seems patronising and infantilising. Feel "miserable" - really? how ridiculously dramatic

@bagpuss90 can I ask what was shocking about it? Do you think it's actually gone wrong?

I had a surreal experience because I met a work contact recently and I didn't recognise her. I haven't seen her for 10 years. But that wasn't the reason why. It's because she has had so much cosmetic work done and she literally looks like a different person.

However, I looked at her Instagram and it seems she's doing some work for a cosmetic clinic so she presumably had this stuff done at a discount. I thought it looked like fillers gone wrong but she has several pictures showing it off and talking about how pleased she is.

so if your friend is happy about it, that's great. We've all got massively different taste.

Absolutely this. My friend had a boob job later in life after decades of feeling insecure. Another "friend" told her she had clearly done it for men! This woman is a late bloomer lesbian and has zero interest in men, just wanted to feel more balanced because she is tall. The other friend refused to accept this and decided her judgement on what the lady did to her own body was more important than the friendship! Madness.

I know a woman who also completely ruined her gorgeous looks with bad hair extensions, Botox, fillers and the most awful lip job I’ve ever seen. It was sad seeing what she’d done to herself as she was stunning before…but that was her choice. You’re not wrong to feel shocked and saddened by your friend, OP. And it’s a shame that women are feeling such huge pressure to modify themselves to such extremes. And that so many young women are wrecking their skin and their health for the sake of fashionable aesthetics.

I really don't understand this either, especially when the person was very pretty beforehand. I wish this trend would die out. Lip fillers look horrible imo.

MN goes hard for fillers so I think you’ll get some pushback, @bagpuss90. It is what it is.

I’m not against all fillers per se but like everything, it doesn’t always work out. My workplace has a mix of great and not-so-great. I have a coworker in her 50s who is already gorgeous as it is, and initially the fillers enhanced her, but unfortunately it’s now crossing into uncanny valley territory.

We could say it’s just a sad indictment of societal pressures on women, but these pressures have always been around, so this is hardly new.

I think it is sad that people have self esteem so low they feel the need to do things like this.

And no lip fillers ever look good. Most look like someone's had a nasty accident with a vacuum cleaner nozzle.

But if people want to ruin their natural beauty then that's their choice.

I don’t think there’s much to wonder about here. You tbink she’s naturally pretty. She wanted to use enhancements. You think she looked better before. You don’t get why women feel under such pressure to meet weird, ageist and men-centred beauty standards.
I would probably like others have said keep these views to yourself and debate them here like you are doing.
my favourite personal theory that I cannot prove but have seen circulating around is that the beauty, fashion and wellness industry profits immensely from these sexist standards. These industries are controlled by a few men who have known links to sexist and problematic behaviour. Their tastes have driven the beauty standards and women have been brainwashed into following them because it makes them loads of money.
whats yours out of interest?

@canisquaeso how do fillers cross into uncanny valley territory?

I've gone from babyface to ageing quite quickly and I thought a tiny bit of filler might be something that wasn't a risk. I don't know much about it though.

I have a friend much younger - 35 - who is absolutely beautiful. Think Cheryl Cole/Michelle Keegan type, even with the tiny nose bump which just makes her more gorgeous.
In the last few years she’s had teeth veneers on her naturally gorgeous teeth, a nose job, a boob job, fillers, Botox, lips….
She is still gorgeous, like Michelle Keegan is, but she’s starting to look like others who have had the same done.
She does discuss it all with me - I worked in the cosmetics industry - and I do always tell her she’s beautiful, but I also support her.
Her husband would prefer her to have nothing done and hates her going under the knife.
Shes told me she’s beautiful wants a ‘facelift at 40’ next. Her and her peers are all doing the same procedures, she is also a perfectionist so any tiny flaw needs fixing.
All I can do is give her advice if she’s absolutely determined to do something eg I encouraged her to get her teeth done in the UK.
She is a lovely person, she’s so hard on herself, but I think it’s her world. I’m twice her age, I had a go at the procedures when they first arrived. But I am now at the stage where I can’t justify the cost.
The only thing she will not consider is staying out of the sun. I think she follows Davinia Taylor’s advice on that front.
Her face, her life, her money, her business.

What is the right reason for lip fillers ? I can't think of one unless your mouth fell off or you have a trout fetish 😁

It's difficult to know why someone has cosmetic procedures but she must have had her personal reasons for doing so.
I can understand your shock if the results look asthetically poor but the truth is it only really matters what your friend thinks.
I had a friend once who had dental veneers, when i saw her i was shocked because they looked absolutely ridiculous ,neon white and too large and long for her mouth. She was smiling and appeared happy so i said nothing.
My friends sister approached me and asked if i would broach the subject of the dental work my friend had undergone as it was so awful.
I was reluctant as it wasn't my business but the sister begged me saying everyone in the family was so upset but dare not bring it up.
I spoke to my friend as tactfully as i could asking if she was happy with her dental work. She burst into tears and said she hated the teeth and was too intimidated to speak to the dentist about her dissatisfaction!
I helped her pinpoint what she felt was wrong and we drafted an email to the dentist saying she felt the main problem was the length of the teeth and could he correct them.
She had them shortened and it made a big difference and my friend was much happier.
Did i still think the teeth were too artificially white...yes. But my friend liked them and thats all that matters really.

Went to a shopping mall today and saw so many horror stories. I said to my DD 'please don't feel you ever need to do anything like that to yourself.' Luckily she sees it at the moment, but I worry as she can be influenced.

One was an older shop assistant... did she look younger? Nope, just her age with duck lips.

I'm so offended that apparently great swathes of the female population buy in to this objectification of themselves, although I guess it's been happening throughout human history, in one way or another.

Just went on a trip with my kid’s sports team…. A lot of the mums had clearly had tweakments - good lord the fish lips are horrible!! Why do that to yourself?! It’s sooooo bad.

🤣🤣🤣🐟🐟🐟

Remember when we all plucked our eyebrows into oblivion in the 90’s? That’s passed. Hopefully this will too🤞

It's not expensive anymore.

So many PPs saying it only matters what she thinks, but that’s not true. Most women are very sensitive to what others think. This thread has voiced what a lot of people actually think about cosmetic work - that it’s sad and it usually looks fake and weird. I know that’s judgemental but hey we all judge every day. I’d be really upset if my daughter did it. Thankfully she thinks it looks awful too.