My friends cosmetic surgery & lip fillers - aibu to be quite shocked & saddened and to wonder why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d even say stunning. Lots of people have said the same . She’s recently had a cosmetic procedure and also lip fillers- I hate to say it - but it looks awful. I hope I didn’t look shocked when I saw her. Aibu to just wonder why on Earth she would do that to herself. I was lost for words- other people have apparently said the same . I think it’s sad she felt she had to do that . I get “each to their own” and all that . But as I say she was so beautiful before. I don’t get why she felt she had to do it. I feel it’s quite sad . I’m even wondering if it went wrong

Does she like it?

It’s really none of your business what she chooses to do. Concentrate on your own life instead of feeling sad for others choices.

if it’s bothering you that much, just ask her?

I’m not sore tbh . She’s very very quiet about it

Yep I get that If it has gone wrong I don’t want to upset her

Unfortunately pornography and social media have so warped people’s views of what’s beautiful that you have all manner of women, young and old, wilfully disfiguring themselves and paying for the privilege. It’s very sad.

I think people often like to judge other women's appearance so much that when we age, it can feel like something that defines us. As you and apparently others in your circle have done with this woman, it can make the aging process harder for those "once considered beautiful" and if they have insecurities they are the prime target for beauticians. How people still don't see that cosmetically changing your body is a sign of lack of self confidence is simply wild.

I'm not really sure what you're asking? do you have the right to not like it?- yes of course you do.

Do you have the right to comment on it?- Nope.

There are many choices my friends make that I dont agree with or think are a bit stupid but I dont tell them because its their life and not my decision to make.

I am sure she might have some thoughts about your appearance too

It’s a status thing. To show you can afford it. Like a designer handbag.

No one thinks it looks good (it’s ugly like the brown LV bags or the Burberry check). They do it to show you they have money and they’ve ‘made it’.

Her sister had it done and my friend hated it - swore she would t do it . Now she has - I just hope for the right reasons

She maybe doesn't like your hair do or tattoos <if you have any>.

I'm not a big fan of aesthetics but like tats, they are very popular.

If she's a good friend try not to judge, maybe ask her how she feels about it see if she's happy or disappointed. Fillers are temporary so it's no big deal really,

What would your "right reasons" be, out of interest? It seems you don't have much empathy for people who don't age the way you see fit.

It’s none of your business!

I do wonder if it becomes some kind of addiction, all the injectables and cosmetic procedures. Passing through a big airport recently and seeing so many really awful duck-face lips, tattoo/lamination eyebrows, and I mean really shocking to the point of why on earth would you do that to yourself?

None of my business but it must mess with your sense of self eventually. Staring into the mirror and searching for faults where there are none.

I just hope for the right reasons

What are the right reasons? I am presuming she got it done because she wanted to. I doubt anyone held a gun to her head or forced her into it 😆

Agree. Naturally lovely looking people feeling awful societal pressured to disfigure themselves

Perhaps not. But no one makes their choices in a vacuum and societal trends and social media can give a very skewed view of beauty
It's like chinese foot binding just people are fucking about with their faces instead.

Not sure if it's to say they've made it, fillers are just unfortunately fashionable at the mo. As I say temporary so it's no biggie.

Yep. And we have to just shut up and never challenge it, apparently.

What are the right reasons? I don't understand this trend. At all. Just puts more pressure on women to look a certain way. And that does harm us all, so it's not just about the rights of one person to choose what they do to their face.

The only time I understand cosmetic surgery is after an injury of some sort, or for a medical reason.

Surely a lot of it has to do with social media and scrolling through endless pics of people with pouting lips, smooth skin, hair extensions etc starts to undermine your self image. I also think the self image can get “re set” by repeated “tweakments”. If the objective is to look good on social media, the daylight version of oneself might end up looking quite bizarre.

I think you’d be unreasonable unless you’ve provided your friend with the rules on what she is and isn’t allowed to do to her own face/body along with “right reasons” for any procedure you’ve decided might be acceptable.

If she knows the rules and she’s disobeyed you anyway, then I’m guessing you’ll already have her punishment sorted.

Because people are vain and a little shallow. They see these famous women looking like it and feel they have to copy.

And it’s something that woman pressure each other to do

I get your point about social media influencing beauty standards- that’s definitely real. But comparing voluntary cosmetic procedures to something like foot binding feels a bit extreme. One is a personal choice people opt into, the other was a coercive cultural practice that caused lifelong harm. Not really the same thing.

Also, people generally dont take kindly to being lectured on how to present their faces - if a friend said this to me I'd be telling her to mind her own business.

Express any doubts about it and you’ll be told to MYOB. It’s as if we are sleep walking towards acceptance of SM/ porno driven dysmorphia.

Ha! this exactly