My friends cosmetic surgery & lip fillers - aibu to be quite shocked & saddened and to wonder why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d even say stunning. Lots of people have said the same . She’s recently had a cosmetic procedure and also lip fillers- I hate to say it - but it looks awful. I hope I didn’t look shocked when I saw her. Aibu to just wonder why on Earth she would do that to herself. I was lost for words- other people have apparently said the same . I think it’s sad she felt she had to do that . I get “each to their own” and all that . But as I say she was so beautiful before. I don’t get why she felt she had to do it. I feel it’s quite sad . I’m even wondering if it went wrong

@ThisJadeBear "she is also a perfectionist so any tiny flaw needs fixing"

I wonder what women like that think of me. Or any face that hasn't had work done!

Next time you see her, say "alright cod features, why so surprised?". It's the only way it will sink in.

Sadly, I notice the pretty people do it. Strange when tge,are already pretty. Maybe scared looks are fading?

So they do it because they are ugly?

My thinking is, if I can see it, it's too much. I assume there must be women out there who have it without me noticing.

Just to nail my colours to the mast, I hate the fillers and duck lips and I judge the hell out of anyone on whom they are noticeable.

I have seen some good, subtle results with Botox, but wouldn't use it myself.

Where have I insulted anyone?
Challenge the pressure and the practice. Some people genuinely do feel 'forced' or at the very least heavily influenced by fashion, social media celebrity and, frankly, the Patriarchy.
The illusion of context-free choice is just that. An illusion.

“Ouch, did something sting you?”

Each to their own i suppose. Women are especially under so much pressure to stay pretty till we die.
I know someone who had a really bad reaction to lip filler she ended up with bulbous lips for about a week, she was mortified, her husband laughed his head off and she had to take the week off work, but was.so relieved it settled.down and wasnt left permanently disfigured.
It never seems to look realistic to me. I
could do with a face lift, some filler, botox and a 6 month supply of wegovy or whatever....but as a 60 year old I know that if I get thinner I will look even worse ....so I will stay fat for now ...it fills out the wrinkles a bit, until I can afford Ann Hathaways surgeon, but leave the filler out I think. 😊

Is it your judgypants that are on fire?

This comment genuinely shocked me! You're actually admitting to looking at older women and thinking that about their lips - their lips that happen to have got thinner as they've aged (through no fault of their own, and it's a perfectly normal aging process), and thinking they now look mean, and that they need to get work done?

Women have really done a disservice to themselves, as it's women who judge each other and put this sort of ridiculous pressure on each other to do absurd things to their faces to make themselves 'look better' when it generally does nothing of the sort

Ah so is it then ok for me to say "alright fatty, why so large"? to someone who is overweight if I dont like the way they look?

After all, if we dont like a woman's appearance we should say so, right?

I have not seen anyone who has lip fillers and looks good

they look so silly

Maybe it's about having a discussion as to why people feel they cant accept the look they have without these treatments? We're so drilled into 'dont judge' that we dont raise issues that might help a healthier approach. Its all very well saying its personal choice but these things filter down to younger ages and cause immense pressure on very young women, girls even to start having things done. When dd was 9 some of the girls in her class were talking about skincare routines....its awful. I teach teens. They are gorgeous, beautiful girls but we have those who we have to monitor that they are eating lunch, a constant battle against fake tans and v v heavy make up. I wish a more natural look could be promoted without being shut down with 'dont judge'

I'd absolutely tell her how you think she looks. This is because, when interacting with her, you have to look at it and she does not.

If people are doing these procedures to impact on how they look then it's logical that the people looking get to say how it looks.

Not sure why pp say "it's her right to do it". Of course it is. But saying how it looks is equally a right.

Not everything is a war. And if you tell her it looks crap then at least she has a factual basis for further decisions.

Although I realize this is 2026, and it seems common to shut down valid opinions with fuck you it's my right.

I really don’t get the ‘no right to comment’ thing. Or the ‘free choice’ thing

I wouldn’t (comment) because it’s impolite to the person but!

I 100% think that a general comment about how batshit it is that everyone looks so bloody weird these days is fine - because they do! It’s like the Emperor’s New Clothes trying to pretend everyone looks ok when they don’t.

And I totally disagree that this is free choice. It’s response to ageism, misogyny, the way that looks are currency, the age old loathing and fear of older women (witches!) in society

I never did. Now in my 60s I still have natural full brows.

It's because big lips are associated with being good at oral sex. Men see big lips and think of porn stars.

They don't think you're prettier or that you'd make a better long term partner.

Indeed and very much a certain sort of bloke - the kind that thinks it is okay to call out and comment on women in the street. Not the sort of man I would want to attract, frankly.

I dont think any of these types of procedures are done to 'look younger' in the younger generation

They're done for a particular look, to fit in. Like a new pair of trousers. You see it on here all the time about wide leg, skinny leg, barrel leg, whats in, whats out, this is the same with make up and hair trends and now faces (or has been faces for a long time)

Its not disimilar to other body modifications around the world, its done to be part of the tribe as it were.

I was going to mention chinese foot binding too.

Agree. It’s very sad, OP. You’re not wrong to feel social responsibility either.

whoosh!!!

Yes been having Botox a while now. Don’t want to be arrogant but nobody has ever called me ugly. Around 4 people told me to my face they didn’t like it, that I looked better before blah blah blah.

i don’t want a huge deep welt between my brows. It makes me look angry.

but I’m very very aware that this is because I’ve been primed to see older women with no wrinkles everywhere, not because I actually look good with a frozen face.

Nope. People in this thread are saying they dont like the look of fillers and they think they look ridiculous and that they are harmful and people are coming up with insults to tell their friends who have fillers as a way to get that point across.

You tell me how that is ANY different to telling someone obese they are fat as a way to get your point across that being obese is also very unhealthy and harmful.

Insulting people isnt going to work is it?

Do you really think insulting someone is going to make them come over to your point of view? because that is stupidity right there if you think that.

Don’t be silly. It’s not expensive 😅 everyone I know who has massive lips are also on Universal Credit