My friends cosmetic surgery & lip fillers - aibu to be quite shocked & saddened and to wonder why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d even say stunning. Lots of people have said the same . She’s recently had a cosmetic procedure and also lip fillers- I hate to say it - but it looks awful. I hope I didn’t look shocked when I saw her. Aibu to just wonder why on Earth she would do that to herself. I was lost for words- other people have apparently said the same . I think it’s sad she felt she had to do that . I get “each to their own” and all that . But as I say she was so beautiful before. I don’t get why she felt she had to do it. I feel it’s quite sad . I’m even wondering if it went wrong

It’s their choice though.
Nobody is forcing other people to do it. Most people who get these things don’t even encourage other people to do it.
Why do you have to challenge it? Or insult the people who choose to do it?

What do you suggest then- telling your friend she looks awful?

Because this strategy worked super well for overweight people didnt it? and they have just as many health risks

But women have been fighting for decades to have control over their own bodies. If they want to look like a slightly deranged Barbie doll then that’s up to them.

Putting it down to them not wanting to but feeling they need to look like porn stars for the sake of men takes any power away from them.

Agree it’s none of your business and there is nothing you can do about it really but I also agree lip fillers look terrible and it’s a shame that people ruin their faces getting them in a lot of cases

I would ask her where she got them done. The amount of enthusiasm in her response will probably answer your questions.

Obviously not as I wouldn’t want to lose a friend. I’m thinking of the wider social context. Do we really want to look like that? Is this what feminism was about? Or are we being manipulated by social media, cosmetic companies, aesthetic practitioners etc?

I mean I dint know why you’re so invested in somebody else’s face. Weird you’d come on Mumsnet to slag her off too- you don’t sound like her friend tbh

Tbf if it was a good friend I would comment along the lines of ‘what the fuck? When are you going to get it finished?’ But then my friends and I have that kind of relationship where we are rarely nice to each other’s faces

Absolutely — look at everyone presenting this as an empowered choice or something we couldn’t possibly comment critically on. The Kool-Aid is well and truly drunk!

Do you know what the word “dysmorphia” actually means? It’s a shortened version of the word “dysmorphophobia”. It literally means an obsessive fear of physical deformity. It’s a very complex psychological disorder that closely resembles OCD, which is considered a form of neurodivergence. The causes are thought to be, like most psychological disorders, a combination of genetics and adverse life experiences. The fact that lots of people now get fillers or Botox or whatever is unlikely to affect how many people will suffer from this disorder. It’s doesn’t “spread”. Social media and an increased general focus on physical appearance as a result may contribute to increased case numbers and exacerbate symptoms for people who already have it though.

Why do we have to all pretend it's totally fine and normal and looks nice just to pander to these social media created insecurities?

Its fine to have discussions in a wider social context about the implications of cosmetic procedures but I dont like it when the insults start and it always happens on MN when it comes to this topic.

Loads of insults directed towards women that simply wouldnt be acceptable if the friend was overweight and yet being overweight is well documented to have a serious effect on health, cancer rates and longevity

I find it interesting that a lot of people still don't realise that these fillers etc never completely go away.

It is tricky to ignore when your friend has fucked up her face - are you meant to not look at them when you have a conversation? I mean, the dodgy fillers and duck lips are literally staring you in the face, of course you will notice.

Because anything else and we are telling other women what they can and can’t do with their bodies. I don’t like the look either but where do you draw
the line?

If someone wants to spend the money to look like that, so what?

I mean Mumsnet wouldn't exist if people didn't pop on here to discuss all sorts of trivia

And taking your comment to it's logical conclusion ... Weird you are so invested in someone else's feelings about a third person's face ....

What procedure was it?

You don’t. But we live in a society where we have to accept that other people can do what they please with their own faces/ appearances.

Noone is saying they can't do these things. But we should be free to discuss how problematic it is

Of course they can. Doesn't make them look any less daft though.

That’s their problem though. It doesn’t affect you or me.

Pillow face. Not a good look. I see lots of young women ruining their lovely unlined skin 😵‍💫

Whether or not something looks “daft” is subjective, I suppose. It’s an opinion and if you feel the need to express it, fair enough. But I don’t think it’s going to change the mind of someone who’s determined enough to want something injected into their face.

I’m not sure if you’re genuinely concerned or a frenemy. She maybe looking at you and thinking you could do with some.

It's none of your business

simple as that.