Page 9 | To be annoyed at grandparents for unreliable childcare

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 14:09

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 13:45

I never schedule the help and, I have no expectation of it, I just accept if offered..My parents have the right to see my kids and take them out when they want to. When they want they also have the right to have the freedom of retirement and spend time alone as they deserve that. Why is that so hard to understand. It is the expecting that makes her entitled. Don't really care what you think of me, I have a strong moral belief on this. If you actually needed that explaining , I feel there is no point in arguing with a you. As arguing with a fool just puts two fools in the room! I am not willing to go there!

Considering you’ve completely not understood the OPs point or what’s going on, you are already the ‘fool’. And an incredibly rude one at that.

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 15:54

I clearly understood exactly what she said.She wanted free child care when she wanted it, mum and dad offering ad hoc was not good enough. Adult daughters ask things when pregnant and mums never want to upset a pregnant daughter. So they agree to help to keep their pregnant daughter happy. Maybe granny and grandad need time for themselves, after all they have already brought there own children up. I have adult children too, the younger ones are easier to deal with. I have had several requests and learnt how not to upset either of my older daughter's when they were pregnant and feel that I would be backed into a corner if I agreed, but that in itself is very difficult. For the record the rude one is you, I answered the initial question when she asked for an opinion. I never asked you if yours! And considering I am still explaining it is obvious to me you only look to the surface of what is said, two sides to every story you need to look deeper. Patting someone on the head when they ask for an opinion is patronising, not accepting someone else's opinion is childish and foolish. You can think what you want of me, you can have your opinion,you are entitled to it, I dont care. Sick of everyone having a victim status, "oh feel sorry for me, poor little me" It is time to show the kids that you are big enough to do it for yourself, yes, it is nice if you get the odd ad hoc day, but, there is no entitlement.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 15:56

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 15:54

I clearly understood exactly what she said.She wanted free child care when she wanted it, mum and dad offering ad hoc was not good enough. Adult daughters ask things when pregnant and mums never want to upset a pregnant daughter. So they agree to help to keep their pregnant daughter happy. Maybe granny and grandad need time for themselves, after all they have already brought there own children up. I have adult children too, the younger ones are easier to deal with. I have had several requests and learnt how not to upset either of my older daughter's when they were pregnant and feel that I would be backed into a corner if I agreed, but that in itself is very difficult. For the record the rude one is you, I answered the initial question when she asked for an opinion. I never asked you if yours! And considering I am still explaining it is obvious to me you only look to the surface of what is said, two sides to every story you need to look deeper. Patting someone on the head when they ask for an opinion is patronising, not accepting someone else's opinion is childish and foolish. You can think what you want of me, you can have your opinion,you are entitled to it, I dont care. Sick of everyone having a victim status, "oh feel sorry for me, poor little me" It is time to show the kids that you are big enough to do it for yourself, yes, it is nice if you get the odd ad hoc day, but, there is no entitlement.

One strange poster. It’s clear there is no point trying to have an adult discussion with you. Have a good day.

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 16:48

It is clear that you don't know what a conversation is. Look at what you have actually said at no point did you try to open a conversation. You opened by calling me weird then told me I did not understand, questioning my comprehension, in a conversation you would have asked if I understood. It isn't rude to give an opinion when asked for it, however it is rude to offer it when not asked for. If you had entered into an adult conversation and put your point of view across, I would have willingly continued. I never once called you anything, I did point out that I would be a fool to argue. Also pointed out it is childish to not let someone else have an opinion. You are entitled to you to your own opinion, you never gave it, you attacked me personally. So this 'strange' poster says learn what a conversation actually is, for the record it is a to and fro of opinions, not you are "fill in the blank"and "you should not say that". Then maybe one day you can actually have a meaningful conversation and just maybe you will accept someone else's point if view. Unlike you, I really do hope you have a good day. It must be lovely to be that woke.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/04/2026 16:53

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 16:48

It is clear that you don't know what a conversation is. Look at what you have actually said at no point did you try to open a conversation. You opened by calling me weird then told me I did not understand, questioning my comprehension, in a conversation you would have asked if I understood. It isn't rude to give an opinion when asked for it, however it is rude to offer it when not asked for. If you had entered into an adult conversation and put your point of view across, I would have willingly continued. I never once called you anything, I did point out that I would be a fool to argue. Also pointed out it is childish to not let someone else have an opinion. You are entitled to you to your own opinion, you never gave it, you attacked me personally. So this 'strange' poster says learn what a conversation actually is, for the record it is a to and fro of opinions, not you are "fill in the blank"and "you should not say that". Then maybe one day you can actually have a meaningful conversation and just maybe you will accept someone else's point if view. Unlike you, I really do hope you have a good day. It must be lovely to be that woke.

Giving your opinion wasn’t rude, calling OP an entitled madam and implying she wasn’t a real woman was very rude. HTH

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 17:53

Being an older mum has it's advantages, maybe pushing a few buttons to make a young mum look at herself is a bit strong, but, when you read something that sounds naive, (not disrespecting here I was that young naive mum, what feels like many years ago ) patting me on the head didn't help. A random older mums comment on my attitude to life in general, made me look at myself and pull myself together, it made a better mum of me. Didn't make alot if difference though, you were the one who replied. Didn't mean to upset you or anyone was trying to provoke self analysis, it makes a big difference to dealing with life and makes you realise it is down to you. Up the world positivity ""I don't need anyone I can do it myself!". Btw when you stop asking that is usually when they come running. Seriously have a lovely evening and yes I know I can be a d*CK, but, I am always honest enough to admit it. Sorry. X

Original poster

Noodlees · 07/04/2026 21:36

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 15:54

I clearly understood exactly what she said.She wanted free child care when she wanted it, mum and dad offering ad hoc was not good enough. Adult daughters ask things when pregnant and mums never want to upset a pregnant daughter. So they agree to help to keep their pregnant daughter happy. Maybe granny and grandad need time for themselves, after all they have already brought there own children up. I have adult children too, the younger ones are easier to deal with. I have had several requests and learnt how not to upset either of my older daughter's when they were pregnant and feel that I would be backed into a corner if I agreed, but that in itself is very difficult. For the record the rude one is you, I answered the initial question when she asked for an opinion. I never asked you if yours! And considering I am still explaining it is obvious to me you only look to the surface of what is said, two sides to every story you need to look deeper. Patting someone on the head when they ask for an opinion is patronising, not accepting someone else's opinion is childish and foolish. You can think what you want of me, you can have your opinion,you are entitled to it, I dont care. Sick of everyone having a victim status, "oh feel sorry for me, poor little me" It is time to show the kids that you are big enough to do it for yourself, yes, it is nice if you get the odd ad hoc day, but, there is no entitlement.

You really haven't understood what was said. I am not saying ad-hoc childcare isn't good enough, or that i want it at times to suit me and i never asked for anything when i was pregnant. I'm really not sure where you've got any of these points from.

The issue is they will say they'll do something with the kids (ad-hoc) and then will cancel at the last minute. I'm not looking for it to be more regular or more frequent or at times more to suit me or anything like that, just that if they say they will do something that they do it and they respect my time and the fact that I've rearranged plans to fit them in/have planned my time around what they said.

You thinking as an older mum i would take your comment onboard and look at myself if frankly ridiculous when you have completely got the wrong end of the stick, even when it has been pointed out to you. I honestly can't tell if you're just pretending so you can have an argument for kicks or if your comprehension is really so poor.

OP posts:

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 22:31

Some where in-between, wanted to rule you so you did take the time to reflect, you know exactly that you are right, you really don't need a bunch of strangers giving you random opinions. You know what is right, may be use the same words you used to me and tell your mum and dad how you feel. Sorry Being a dick, but you clearly stated how you felt you really have the right and are truly capable of expressing your opinions. Please don't doubt yourself in the future you have just proven you know exactly what to say. Sorry again, but, your words are there please use them. Yes I know I am a dick, yes you can hate me. Just trust yourself and stop beating yourself up. But I do believe that sometimes an annoying stranger can maybe help a little. If not sorry I upset you.

Lackinginspecialskills · 08/04/2026 09:47

Noodlees · 31/03/2026 14:09

You've missed the point. I can and do have a bath at other times my issue is my parents will e.g. say "we'll take the kids out tomorrow" so i think "oh lovely i can have a nice relaxing bath and some peace and quiet" then in the morning I'll message and ask if they're still coming and they'll say "oh actually it's a nice day so we're going out for lunch instead"

It's really not about the childcare, the bath etc. it's the fact that i think I'm getting it, get my hopes up and then they cancel.

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That would do my nut. So awkward with grandparents because they are so helpful and important I think when it works, and they are doing you a favour, but they can't be doing that. Imagine if a friend made that arrangement and then cancelled on you, you'd be livid.

The kids are too young at the moment, but imagine if they were a couple of years older and you'd told them they were going out with Granny and Grandpa and they got all excited and then you had to tell them that they'd had a better offer somewhere and were no longer coming? The kids would be gutted. I'd approach it from that angle - say to your parents if you can't keep to our word, please don't offer because you are upsetting the kids.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 08/04/2026 12:51

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 15:54

I clearly understood exactly what she said.She wanted free child care when she wanted it, mum and dad offering ad hoc was not good enough. Adult daughters ask things when pregnant and mums never want to upset a pregnant daughter. So they agree to help to keep their pregnant daughter happy. Maybe granny and grandad need time for themselves, after all they have already brought there own children up. I have adult children too, the younger ones are easier to deal with. I have had several requests and learnt how not to upset either of my older daughter's when they were pregnant and feel that I would be backed into a corner if I agreed, but that in itself is very difficult. For the record the rude one is you, I answered the initial question when she asked for an opinion. I never asked you if yours! And considering I am still explaining it is obvious to me you only look to the surface of what is said, two sides to every story you need to look deeper. Patting someone on the head when they ask for an opinion is patronising, not accepting someone else's opinion is childish and foolish. You can think what you want of me, you can have your opinion,you are entitled to it, I dont care. Sick of everyone having a victim status, "oh feel sorry for me, poor little me" It is time to show the kids that you are big enough to do it for yourself, yes, it is nice if you get the odd ad hoc day, but, there is no entitlement.

Well straight off the bat you’ve shown your misunderstanding there. OP’s entire problem is with her parents offering to babysit on a particular day, and then cancelling last minute for a better offer. That is incredibly rude of them whichever way you look at it. If someone on here was complaining about a friend regularly flaking out on then last minute for a better offer, most of the advice would be to ditch the friend. It’s really telling of how insidious the internalised misogyny is among women, that as soon as the person is a young mother, she is called an “entitled madam” for expecting the same courtesy and manners afforded to everyone else.

MyLuckyHelper · 08/04/2026 13:02

RubyScroller · 07/04/2026 15:54

I clearly understood exactly what she said.She wanted free child care when she wanted it, mum and dad offering ad hoc was not good enough. Adult daughters ask things when pregnant and mums never want to upset a pregnant daughter. So they agree to help to keep their pregnant daughter happy. Maybe granny and grandad need time for themselves, after all they have already brought there own children up. I have adult children too, the younger ones are easier to deal with. I have had several requests and learnt how not to upset either of my older daughter's when they were pregnant and feel that I would be backed into a corner if I agreed, but that in itself is very difficult. For the record the rude one is you, I answered the initial question when she asked for an opinion. I never asked you if yours! And considering I am still explaining it is obvious to me you only look to the surface of what is said, two sides to every story you need to look deeper. Patting someone on the head when they ask for an opinion is patronising, not accepting someone else's opinion is childish and foolish. You can think what you want of me, you can have your opinion,you are entitled to it, I dont care. Sick of everyone having a victim status, "oh feel sorry for me, poor little me" It is time to show the kids that you are big enough to do it for yourself, yes, it is nice if you get the odd ad hoc day, but, there is no entitlement.

You could not have demonstrated your lack of understanding more than with this post.

She did not want free childcare "When we had kids they said they wouldn't provide regular childcare and that's absolutely fine."

They offered the childcare, it wasn't requested. They then cancelled, repeatedly, once they'd offered. If you don't want to do it - don't offer. If you do offer, honour it.

Thickasabrick89 · 08/04/2026 14:49

@RubyScroller is quite clearly a troll, or mentally unsound. I wouldn't take any heed to their nonsense.

EvieBB · 09/04/2026 01:08

Treadcarefully11 · 31/03/2026 12:49

If you want reliable childcare you need to pay for it. Let them enjoy their retirement in peace.

That's not the point....they shouldn't offer in the first place if they're going to let her down. If you say you're going to do something, you do it.....or don't offer at all.

EvieBB · 09/04/2026 18:06

Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:50

Yes the eldest is in nursery two days a week, the baby hasn't started nursery yet as I'm still on mat leave. I don't need more full days of regular childcare, just would love the opportunity to have a bath or something once a week.

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Sorry op. If I was a grandparent I can't imagine not helping out my daughter and giving her a break when she needed it (especially as I suffered with CFS at the time) - my mum was an absolute godsend.....and now my girls are early teens I repay the favour and take her places and do her admin as she struggles with IT and is hard of hearing.....that's what families are for IMO 💐

ABunchOfCells · 11/04/2026 09:48

Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:34

My parents live 10 mins from us and are retired. When we had kids they said they wouldn't provide regular childcare and that's absolutely fine.
However they will often offer to have the kids ad-hoc during the week to give me a break (we have a toddler and baby) but they'll offer at the last minute or they'll keep changing the time that they're coming or they'll say they'll have them and then make other plans and cancel.
I find it really annoying because what should be a lovely thing for them to do to give me a break feels like actually i can't rely on it to get a break but i don't know if I'm being unreasonable and i should just be grateful for any help i get.

Have you actually sat down and had the conversation with them on how it impacts you? If not, why not. They are a different generation to you but you expect them to understand the complexities of todays demands and society, which I feel is unreasonable.

Just a thought from someone who had no family, so zero support bringing up my own children.