Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

While crabbing there isn’t always somewhere to wash hands. He is an adult and I would have thought he can decide to wash his hands. Hand sanitiser or bottled water would have helped. Plus surely he needs to keep topping the net up/handling the crabs etc.

Take hand sanitizer next time? Buy cooked mackerel or something not raw. Don’t tell an adult when they have to wash hands?

I'd see your point if it had been, say, raw chicken. With cured bacon it seems more of a personal choice so I'd leave it up to him. But you can also try explaining again why it's so important to you and asking for his cooperation. Wipes would have been a great compromise especially as there might not have been a pub nearby that allows non-patrons to use their loos. It seems like having to ask another adult to go into a pub and wash their hands all the time, rather than trusting them to decide what's needed do it themselves, would be tiresome and annoying for both of you.

On the other hand, I'm not sure why he didn't just say 'no; I don't think that's necessary" and carry on rather than doing it but humphing and muttering.

Honestly I think you’re being a bit bit shit. You’re fishing for crabs but want a sterile environment 😵‍💫😵‍💫
Surely you carry babywipes or hand sanitizer with you as you have a toddler??

It’s more ignorance of the activity. He was about to handle the raw bacon, nets, and dirty crabs from dirty estuary water all over again in a few minutes so there was no point in washing hands at the pub before they were done. Surely with a 3 year old you’d have some sort of wipes with you anyway.

After crabbing of course you wash your hands thoroughly but not in the middle. Especially if you’re relying on a business allowing you to use their bathroom, as they are more likely to boot you out if you keep coming in multiple times.

We’ve crab fished for years and never worried about washing hands until after the whole thing. I think you’re being too precious about hand hygiene in this situation.

Unless he wanted to risk spending the next few days with food poisoning then nope definitely weren't unreasonable!

It's just common sense touch raw meat = wash hands after!

It’s just quite naggy.

Bacon is cured it’s not the same as raw pork chops. My son loves bacon that much he has a couple of times eaten it raw. I would go prepared with some hand gel and wipes. My hands would feel a bit weird not washing after.

Asi from that crab fishing is cruel the way they are shoved on top of each other in buckets. I wouldn’t have the issue of not being able to wash my hands because we just wouldn’t do it.

He was crabbing!

What is he supposed to do - put bait in net, run and wash hands, catch crab, touch crab, put bait in net, run and wash hands, repeat!

Is he ever allowed to be a grown up ?

You told him to wash his hands in case she put her hands in her mouth? How in batshit does that work?

I would assume it’s more the patronising tone you took with him if you said it as you’ve come across in your posts.

You give the impression that you are a bit neurotic about hygiene so I’m guessing this was the straw that broke the camels back.

Your DD was far more likely to pick something up from the water than the bacon so I can see why your DH was a bit exasperated.

Hands washing after the activity not during imo. If you dd played soccer would you make her wash her hands every time she touched the ball?

Unless he was putting his fingers in your DD's mouth, I'm not sure how he was exposing her to the bacon germs. All that was needed was to remind DD not to put her hands near her mouth, then everyone washes their hands once you've finished crabbing.

Had they finished crabbing/fishing at that time?

That seems daft to me. Why bring raw bacon just to get so fussy about it? Presumably you'd all have washed your hands after crabbing anyway - or at least before you next ate.

bit highly strung 😳

I just couldn’t get remotely bothered about this. Surely if you’re crabbing, your continually touching bait, sea water, dirty nets, crabs, scratching your nose, more bait, wiping kids nose, more sea water, more crabs. Do you want him to wash his hands at 5 minute intervals?

Is bacon that bad?

@Unsurree wet wipes and hand gel. Available to everyone at any point without need to go to pub. Very surprised this isn't routine for someone so bug conscious 🙄

You’re not his mum

I get you @Unsurree but carry wipes instead.

You're being absolutely ridiculous! And you're being extra ridiculous to not pack any wet wipes with you yet demand he goes and washes his hands before you've even started, you've obviously got some sort of anxiety issues, how do you think the bacon gets in the nets?? How do you think the crabs get in the bucket or the crab lines get pulled in?

We take our young daughter crabbing, it's really fun but it's not really a hygienic activity, (you're touching bacon/bait, sea water, seaweed, crabs etc) so you wouldn't want him to be handing her food to eat while crabbing etc, but all washing your hands after you've finished is fine, or wet wipes for her hands in the meantime if you are that worried, she hasn't touched the bacon so would be fine anyway!

Way to ruin what should be a nice family activity with your neurosis.

I’d have said the same as you. I don’t want someone handling raw bacon and not washing their hands, especially with a young child around.

How do some of these posters cope with crabbing? Would he have to go into the pub and wash his hands every time they catch a crab? Are you meant to use the wash room if you haven’t bought a drink at the pub.