Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

Indeed - it not only carries a risk of salmonella but numerous parasites such as tapeworm. OP was not being unreasonable at all.

You are being ridiculous. If he were preparing salad in a kitchen then fair enough but you aren't. You are outside, presumably about to put your hands in the sea, touching the net and goodness knows what else.

There are times when I get the hump because some self righteous person tells me to do something that I was always going to do, simply to make me feel shit. I’m sure you weren’t doing that but maybe he felt that way

Once you caught some crabs, hands are contaminated again. Plus most of the time people go fishing, there is no pub nearby to wash your hands. If you want to keep hands sanitary, bring cleaning supplies with you.

You're treating him like a kid

Wouldn't you all just wash your hands after the whole crabbing actviity? I mean, you're literally about to start touching the crabbing line, the bacon inside the nets, and the crabs themselves. Why on earth would you need to wash your hands before doing all of this?

You’re crabbing in estuary water. The raw bacon was probably the most hygienic thing about that whole activity.

YABU.

YANBU, but if you don’t already know then you should check the Surfers Against Sewage website or app before doing any activities that involve the sea. They track sewage spills around the coast and are very reliable.

datahq.sas.org.uk/sewage-data-hq/

I don't really think it's reasonable to go into a pub just to wash your hands, and if someone had "asked" me to do that, I'd probably refuse because I'd be very uncomfortable walking in just to use the facilities, especially if it was somewhere I didn't know. If you're that worried about hygiene, surely you'd buy wipes or hand sanitiser when you bought the bacon? Or wash them in the sea.

Storming off is not OK, but I guess it depends how he was asked.

Yes, also this. It doesn't really compute that someone who worried about bacon on hands would lead a crabbing activity.

Where as the estuary and the crabs themselves....

You sound hard work

WTF really weird fishing hygiene? I’m in Canada people hunt and fish no where near a pub…You rinse your hands in the ocean water/lake etc. use sand to scrub.

If you've been typing this on a smartphone OP I hope you sanitise it regularly- filthy things, covered in germs.
And if you keep it in your handbag, you might as well just go and lick a toilet seat, honestly.
And what if DH washed his hands but then had to touch the door handle of the gents and the person before him hadn't washed their hands?
Strangers' willy germs everywhere...

It doesn't bear thinking about.

I wash my hands at home when cooking raw meat and sanitise the surfaces it comes into contact with. But it's not like river water, or crabs are really that clean either...I always carry those packs of wet wipes so I might just use one of those and wash properly when I got home.

Jeez. He could wash them in the sea surely. Or wipes? I mean he’s going to be handling the crabs in a few minutes. People go nuts these days about hygiene - he’s not a little kid who’s going to be sucking on his fingers.

Mens pub toilets probably more germ ridden than a bacony crab bucket.

why not carry a pack of baby wipes or an anti bacterial wipes ?

He called OP over the top and crazy then stormed off muttering, but it's OP who's hard work...?

Don't you have to keep putting more bacon on anyway, because the crabs eat/steal it? You're going to be handling bacon (and crabs) every time you catch anything.

How many times was he supposed to go back and forth to the pub without buying anything?

I would have taken hand sanitiser to an activity like that, but if not, I wouldn't have run immediately to wash them in a pub bathroom. I'd have just waited until after the activity.

For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs

Whatever hours he works, it should not all be on you. He can take time off like any other parent.

Yes we used to pinch the little bits of bacon that fell off the bacon slicer at the local shop when the shopkeeper went to wrap up the sliced bacon. I am sure he used to turn a blind eye to us children doing it. My DM used to tell us we would catch worms from eating it. We never did. My Nan had a special pair of scissors that she kept for cutting the rind off bacon.
Are you going to eat the crabs that you catch @Unsurree ? Through handwashing after the whole activity is completed seems to make more sense to me.

He was unreasonable for storming off - not sensible adult behaviour.
You were both a bit daft for not bringing wipes or similar - it’s annoying to head over the road to wash hands as you’re bound to need to do it more than once for this type of activity.

The most unreasonable people are the couple of posters on this thread who think raw bacon is edible. It really really isn’t. Not the same as cured ham like prosciutto etc. It’s not as cured as that sort of thing. It’s still raw pork.

I actually said I would feel comfortable if he washed his hands afterwards as I was worried dd would put her hands in her mouth. He then huffed and puffed and was quite unpleasant and said I was over the top and crazy. I then said please don’t be unkind I just want to ensure dd isn’t exposed to raw meat. That’s when he stormed off muttering

How does him washing or not washing his hands affect your daughter? You said you were worried she would put her hands in her mouth. Ok, I can understand that but it doesn't make any difference to her if he doesn't wash his hands.
If you'd asked him to take her to wash his hands this would make sense but according to you, you asked him to wash his hands.
So did you ask him to take your daughter to wash her hands and wash his at the same time or just ask him?

If you were that concerned about her being exposed to raw meat you either shouldn't have bought the bacon to use for that purpose in the first place or you should have bought sanitizing wipes and spray at the same time as the bacon.

Was he planning on putting his unwashed fingers in DD's mouth and rub them around the inside of her cheeks?

Or were you concerned his salt water washed meaty fingers even touching DD's skin would be problematic?

Also, you bought the bacon with you right? So you knew you'd be handling raw meat, but you couldn't get it together to bring soap or wipes to sanitse? You thought instructing your grown arsed husband to walk to a pub and use their toilets (without a drink RUDE!) was the way to go?

Fuck me.