Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

You're talking out of your backside.

Talking to someone like they are a child and telling them to do something they don’t want do isn’t compromising and deciding together as mature parents, It’s patronising them

as said he was handling seawater and crabs so no need to go and wash hands until they had finished

like my username says we ca agree to disagree ✋

But why are we assuming she talked to him like a child? According to her she asked him gently to do so so she would feel more comfortable. How else are we supposed to ask for things? True, she could absolutely be lying/deluded and she actually had a nasty/bossy tone, but we don't know that. We only have her words to go on.

Clearly if they are going crabbing they have chosen seawater and crabs as an acceptable risk, which dependent on where they were might or might not be perfectly clean, and there's no need to add raw meat on top of that...but that seems to be a matter of opinion 🤷‍♀️

She doesn’t need to say it in the first place. The act of asking an adult (particularly ‘gently’ which is a word used to describe a parent talking to a child) to wash their hands is in itself infantilising them.

She didn’t have to have used a nasty tone. In fact it’s more infantilising that she did it the way she says.

He is a grown man who was doing a dirty task. Perhaps he thought he would wash his hands when he had finished crabbing. The only hand washing option seemed to be the pub anyway and you can’t just go in and use their facilities every two minutes.

She doesn’t have to like it but saying these incidents have been regular recently does make you wonder whether she has got in the habit of speaking to him like that

Just educate yourself on cross contamination. For example, if I touch raw meat and then touch my child's doll because she's dropped it and then passed my daughter her drinks bottle, I'm going to have to clean all of those things once I've cleaned my hands. If I just wash my hands after touching meat....... Saves me hassle. Common sense

But he is touching raw meat/nets/crabs/raw meat again etc. so how often should he have done it? Is estuary water clean or could that cause an issue too.

And given that they hadn’t brought anything to wash with, would you expect him to take the piss by going into the pub without buying anything every couple of minutes?

if you don’t agree with someone’s hygiene standards then you don’t have to deal with them. But don’t tell grown adults what to do because it makes you look ridiculous.

And please don’t tell me to ‘educate myself’ - you sound like the OP.

Everybody understands cross contamination.

But bearing in mind DH's hands will be getting contaminated repeatedly throughout the activity, going to the pub to wash them each time seems ridiculous.

Wtf, no it isn’t!!

Uh oh, turns out hand sanitizer and wipes aren't as good as soap and water either - very timely article that just came out yesterday, for those interested.. https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/1122055

It isn't. Pork contains ringworms and tapeworms. Bacon has to be cooked off. Parma Ham isn't truly raw - it's dried out to the point that the organisms and bacteria cannot survive. Bacon is not treated in the same manner and still needs to be cooked.

Can't believe people have said you are unreasonable OP, you were not unreasonable. Raw bacon on hands is disgusting, basic hygiene is important especially round young children.

So touch bacon wash hands
touch crabbing line wash hands
retrieve crabbing line and crab wash hands
put crab back wash hands
put crabbing stuff in car wash hands
fuck me the tide will off gone out before you’ve even caught any crabs

or the completely common sense approach don’t touch your mouth or food and wash your hands at the end

But he's going to touch sea water, crab nets, crabs, bacon again etc. Why bother until he's finished?

Teach kids not to touch their faces.

@RedWineCupcakes And no farmers do not use routine preventive antibiotics. It is no longer permitted in UK.

But not all meat you eat is sourced from the UK.

Here is the solution. Lower crab bucket over the side and fill with seawater. Raise bucket. Use contents to rinse hands.

You’re welcome.

BTW this is why every other child at school has allergies btw - over obsession with handwashing!

Jesus that’s a bit of an extreme reaction to my comment 🤣. He just doesn’t always think of things in the same way I do. And fair enough If he really didn’t agree with me or if he did not want to do something,
he would say as much. He’s no pushover . I am just a more cautious person with stuff like that. Not much more to it that than that!

To be fair I don't think he should have stormed off but if its part of a bigger issue such as feeling he is always being treated like a child eg now go & wash your hands it may have been the last straw. I always carry hand sanitiser for situations like this.

Don't you carry wipes?

If you were that bothered about raw bacon. Why didn't you use old bread or something similar to catch the crabs ?

Who had the idea to go crabbing? If it was his idea, you were sucking the fun out of it. If it was yours, you should probably think about what is actually fun. Activities are not objectively fun, you are the deciding factor and should probably focus on things you can handle doing in a relaxed way. You ruined the mood and he made it worse by storming off.

Sounds like you are a nagging wife.

This isn’t really about hygiene is it? It’s more about how do we both show up when we have opposing views. There’s no sense here of anyone trying to understand the other, of talking things through , of compromising or being kind. It’s such a small moment but seeing as relationships are made up of these small moments , these sorts of incidents can really damage a marriage and the people within it.

You are treating him like a child.

Do you expect him to wash his hands every five minutes? It would be a dirty activity!

Most pubs won’t let you use the facilities without a purchase!