Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

Basic hygiene for sure - but rinsing hands in the sea or using a wet wipe would be ok!

Sensible to wash hands but poor planning to go to an activity that requires hand washing and not take something to clean hands with. Wipes or hand sanitiser would have done.

It all depends on how you said it/asked.

She is crazy! I am not surprised he stormed off!

Surely if you're crabbing, you're repeatedly getting your hands dirty??

Does she expect him to wash them every 5 minutes?

Yes I agree with this. Directing him to do it is quite controlling.

We’ve been crabbing loads of times and have never washed hands properly in between each bacon laden net! We just used some wipes each time and told the kids not to put their hands in their mouths 🤷🏻‍♀️ then washed them properly at the end.
I can’t imagine him having to traipse off to the pub to wash his hands each time. That’s bonkers! I miss going crabbing.

Like others have said, wash them in the sea

Yabu to tell him to go to the pub. He could have just washed them in the sea

I always have hand wipes if we go out for the day, especially with a three year old.

You were crabbing, presumably you know crabs are dirty and he would have had to wash his hands again if you caught anything? Better to wash after the whole event, otherwise he would be in and out of the pub all afternoon!

When we go crabbing we usually wash hands when it's all finished as you will probably be picking up the net again anyway. Or a dollop of hand sanitiser until handwashing can be done.

this made me snort wine out of my nose. Despite hurting, I still REALLY appreciate this comment 😂

I would just rinse out my hands in the sea or use a bit of sanitiser - mainly so I didn't have bacon-y smelling hands. I wouldn't be worried about getting bugs from touching bacon fora few moments - that is a bit mad TBH.

Bacon is cured. It wont harm him

Yes, I agree

So double the reason to wash his hands, no?

Agree with this, if you're out fishing/crabbing then I wouldn't expect to have to urgently wash hands after placing bate. What do you think those fishing do at fishing lakes?

My thoughts, too.

The tyoe of person who woukd be like "now wash your hands" is the type who just wants to dominate the activity. Why not leave him to enjoy crabbing with his daughter instead of having to intervene and give an order.

Dh is an obsessive handwasher, I knew this about him before I married him. Because I know he has anxiety about unclean hands I always carry both hand sanitiser and individually wrapped Clinell wipes in my handbag. There are also Clinell wipes in the glovebox of the car. He also carries them with him in a bag.

As you are very concerned about hand cleanliness then you should make sure you have wipes in whatever bag you have with you. Before the children ate anything I would always ensure their hands are clean with the wipes. We all still do it now in restaurants if we will be using our hands to eat.

Oh this is one of my issues! I am very anxious about raw meat and my husband... is not.
It completely does me in.
Tbf my DH doesn't ever storm off but he does sigh and roll his eyes.
Im aware it may be some level of unreasonable anxiety from me but ive seen him literally put his hands to his mouth after touching raw meat before.
I absolutely hate it.
I think your husband was being unreasonable to storm off even if he thought you were being silly. Its not very kind to react to anxiety in that way.
My DH has some driving related OCD stuff and I do gently make fun of it sometimes but id never storm off or react angrily as I know how it feels to be anxious about something

Yes, at the end of the session, but there's not much point washing your hands only to then be handling crabs from the estuary.

I suspect his response was one of those "I can't get anything right" moments and wonder how many times a day he gets asked to do something differently to his way, with the implication that he cares less for DD.

Bacon isn’t raw.

Also going into a pub just to wash your hands doesn’t go down well generally as you aren’t buying anything.

Carry sanitiser in future if it’s an issue

It most def was reasonable.i would be the same as you.unless i had some hand gel in my bag etc

Just take wipes with you if you are that precious. You probably killed the moment asking him to go wash his hands like a child.

Sounds like you were lining up a fun activity and it was then stopped for handwashing. Seems a bit OTT.