Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

[Unsurree]

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

@Rizzz we knew there was a pub opposite as we are relatively local

Who's idea was it to get the bacon for crabbing? I guess he felt like he was a grown adult and it was up to him to wash his hands or not. It is unlikely that your dd would be licking his hand. Might have been better to offer hand sanitiser or wipes rather than ordering him over to the pub. Not nice for your dd to see her Dad storm off.

You say that this is one of other incidents? Can you give examples?

🤣

Carry some hand sanitizer. He sounds like he struggles with hygiene.

If DD is crabbing then shes exposed to raw sewage the minute she pulls that net out of the water.
Washing your hands to get rid of the unhygienic thing while tinkering about in the really unhygienic thing is a bit nuts.
Sanitary wipes are a godsend.

This!

Honestly, at home I'd wash my hands but whilst at the seaside crabbing? My hands would get a quick rinse in the seawater and a proper wash later raw bacon or not!

Its not exactly a hygienic activity. Fun. But not hygienic.

I’m pretty sure raw bacon, even through technically ‘cured’ isn’t dried, like prosciutto, etc, so has salmonella risk, so I don’t think YB completely U, but I guess taking hand sanitiser might help, especially as you might end away from taps/hot water.

Hes a grown man and I feel like he can decide himself when he washes his own hands during crabbing. Being sent off like a child would have annoyed me too.

Thats why I carry a little bottle of hand sanitizer. I’d have used that and done a proper hand wash later.

Did you ask him to wash his hands when you were finished crab fishing or in the middle? Surely he'd have to touch the crabs and the net? So yabu for asking him to wash his hands in the middle of crab fishing.

It's not the most hygienic activity, maybe crab fishing is not for you.

But storming off and all is not good under any circumstances.

Bacon for crabbing. Lucky crabs. I can't afford bacon for myself to eat!

But to be clear though. You are his wife not his mother.

An adult should be better regulated than to storm off muttering, but yes, I think it's a bit OTT to ask he goes to a pub to wash his hands. Before eating, yes, and after leaving the activity, yes, but not during.

Hand sanitizer is a reasonable compromise with the difficult and huffy husband, but hand washing is definitively better. Sanitizer kills salmonella and listeria, but grease and residue from raw meat can shield the bacteria. Hand washing is much more effective at removing the risk.

I honestly don't think I have particularly high standards of hygiene but I'm taken aback by how ignorant so many posters are re. food safety and hand washing. Particularly when it involves a three year old, given that younger children are at much greater risk from salmonella and listeria than adults. Salmonella can be fatal to small children. For the sake of spending a couple of minutes popping into the pub to wash hands, I'd expect more adults not to take the risk of poisoning their kids.

Well I've learned something from this thread. I had no idea that you used bacon for crabbing.

If another adult spoke to me like a child I’d have acted like one and gone to the pub and ordered a drink and a snack and said only customers are allowed to use the facilities.

Unless you expected him to keep going across to the pub (which I doubt the landlord would have welcomed), surely it would make more sense to do it at the very end of the activity?

YABU, you’re not his mum, and it was well OTT.

I think the storming might be because another chilled activity incurred the wrath of the hygiene police

however, I might well have done the same when my DCs were little, as I had gone a bit bonkers, and freaked about minor stuff at times

I’m now divorced

The people that voted 🤣.........🙄

I'd feel you had spoiled the moment if you started bossing me about like that in nature.

Somethings are reasonable, some are not.

I wouldn't even have thought of washing my hands. Assuming you aren't using a new sanitary crab line each time you throw it back in, you'll be getting all sorts over your hands from the water which is probably contaminated with sewage. If you do catch a crab at which point do you stop and re-wash your hands given the crab will have touched the bacon?

Agree

😆

YABU - his hands will be grubby because he's crabbing. He can wash them when he's finished, otherwise it's pretty pointless.

If you're that concerned, carry wipes or gel in your bag. I'd be fed up if I was sent off to a pub to wash my hands as an adult.

It's both.

It was unreasonable and fussy to bang on about him washing his hands.
However, it was also unreasonable for him to behave that way - in fact, any adult is unreasonable to "storm off".
Sounds like everyone involved needs to grow up!

Are you always on at him to wash his hands or similar, ie making him feel bad if he doesn’t do it immediately?

I eat raw bacon. Have done since I was a child when used to eat the cut off rind meant for the bird table.

I'm in my 60s now - never did me any harm.