To say SDs have to share a room?

[Cachet88]

DP and I are buying a new, bigger house. It will have four bedrooms. One for us, one for DS6. We also have SD12 (twins) who are with us EOWE and half the holidays. Currently they share a room.

SDs mum moved and we moved to be closer about three years ago. Therefore my mum now lives too far to do day visits but stays here every month or two. DP’s family live abroad and stay a few times a year, and we have other friends and family to stay fairly often too (pretty location!).

As there are now two bedrooms unaccounted for, SDs want a bedroom each. I do not want this, because I want a spare room for guests, and because both SDs are absolutely disgusting in terms of hygiene.

YANBU: they don’t need a room each
YABU: they need a room each

After reading how they leave the bedroom ie totally disgusting I'd make them share and tell them why !

She's not, she's already said they'd be getting the largest room with an en-suite. So they would in effect get more space than one child in a single room.

You're suggesting a solution to a non-existent problem. A partition is usually the solution where a teen is sharing with a toddler, or opposite sex children have to share. I wouldn't tell them anything. Sharing is the most practical option for a family who has lots of guests, including the girls' grandparents when they visit from abroad.

If their dad had remained single, eg only one wage coming in, what sort of accommodation do you think he would be able to provide for his girls?

I don’t really care. Such a first world problem. A four bed house is a luxury many families can only dream of. Nobody wants to share a bedroom (and I include most of the posters on here moaning about “DH” as much as anyone) but when you’re not paying the bills and can’t be bothered to maintain basic standards, why on earth would anybody pander to your demands?

I wouldn't do that. It makes it sound like getting a big ensuite room to share is some kind of punishment! OP should just tell the which room they are getting and leave it at that.

I agree no-one should HAVE to supervise 12 year old tidying up their room.

But these particular 12 year olds DO need to be supervised.

The reasons why they do it aren't clear, but they apparently live differently with mum, eg different rules/expectations, than they do with their DP.
That's probably part of it, but I'm sure there are other issues too.

I would have left the sobbing sulking twin in the house and gone out

giving them the en suite is still a treat and unless that room is much bigger - I would let them have one of the other larger bedrooms an divide it

plus easier to keep main bathroom tidy as each time one goes in you check it after

yes annoying and pathetic but wiping bogies and leaving used sanitary towels js just disgusting but at 12 + madness

Ah I had missed it was th larger room

tho sounds like master suite and tbh I would take that as the husband wife

We allocate stuff like this as if they were here all the time. I can’t stand the posts suggesting they don’t get a room because they’re there so little - inadequate contact is the issue there. You don’t have to ‘earn’ a room in your home by time served, and you certainly don’t when you didn’t choose the situation. I’m also shocked to see people using silly words like ‘sacrifice’ to describe the OP and her son - nobody’s sacrificing anything for these girls. They didn’t choose for their parents to split and they don’t choose to have two homes as a result. If anyone’s ‘sacrificing’ anything (in most families this is ‘compromising’ and it’s a natural part of being a family) it’s as a result of choices made by adults. Nothing to do with these girls.

If the girls were yours and there all the time you’d still put them in together wouldn’t you? We would, with same sex children the same age and family members who need somewhere to stay regularly. Them being step kids or only having really quite pitiful contact with their dad isn’t really relevant.

That level of contact is very usual and often court ordered. They don’t like to give every weekend so that both parents have weekend time with their DC. The alternative is often splitting it truly down the middle so they spend 2 weeks with each parent every month but I think that’s a bit unsettling personally.

Having said that, I’d definitely give them a room each. I’d tell guests to stay in a hotel.

Shared room in trial basis - keep it clean then you get your own room. You cannot cope with half bed rooms being a shit tip and empty most of the time, ridiculous! And I can be pretty sure they don’t call it home,,, they call it dads house

I love the way on these threads everyone always has a better way of doing it, they would have resolved this issue ages ago

I shared a box room with bunkbeds with my sister growing up (in the 80s) and didn't mind at all (what I never had I never missed). Kids are probably overly 'pandered to' these days (including my own)!

So guessing you are in a 3 bed now so hence the had to share

any chance can stretch to 5

or a dining room to be a spare bedroom with a very good sofa bed or be a bedroom all the time and eat in the kitchen etc

or even an extension and another room downstairs

I would get dad to explain to them that you both spend a long time cleaning up after them, and you don’t have time to do it for two rooms, so if they can show they can tidy up before they leave then you might consider giving them a room each.
do you have space to put twin beds in one room and then perhaps they could have a room each but they need to be warned when guests stay they go in together.
but also, when a guest stays perhaps your son could go in with you for the night and the guest could sleep in his room?

An extension is about 100k, it would be cheaper to buy them a hotel room each every time they stay

But surely if they only go at the weekend they need a lot less ‘stuff’ they are not storing all their spare clothes there, all their childhood memory boxes, all their homework equipment, school uniform spares, tennis racquet etc… or are they?

You could also have a good compromise - one room is ‘their’ room for keeping all their stuff in and decorating in their own way etc. but if they want to sleep separately, IF there are no guests, then one at a time (take turns) can go to sleep in the guest room provided it is kept tidy and no second chances.
this respects their need for privacy as they hit puberty, but also zones off only one room for being covered in teenage belongings - they get equal sense of ownership over their own shared room, but get some space while sleeping.

Wow. Mine wasn’t that much tho ex did a lot of the work but was quoted £30k for a single ground floor tho this was 7/8yrs ago

Having said that, I’d definitely give them a room each. I’d tell guests to stay in a hotel.

Perhaps OP's elderly mother can't afford a hotel. Perhaps her DH's family from abroad would rather stay with their son as they don't actually see him that often. Really, the only reason they are moving is because they have these regular visitors. Otherwise, they could just as well stay in their 3-bed!

You probably right about it being 'their dad's house' but I really wouldn't put it into their head that there is any possibility of getting a room each. They would probably keep their room a little bit clean one week (to their standards, not OP's) then moan and sulk about not getting room each!

Think OP has already decided what she wants before posting! They have as much right to their own room as your child/ren does, guests can use one of the children's rooms on visiting and the child of that room can bunk up with a sibling!

They have as much right to their own room as your child/ren does

Which is zero. I understand people wanting to make some kind of comment about stepchildren being equal but having your own room is not a right.

Ummmmm.....no. Why should it be only up to their dad? OP has a say as it's her home too!