AIBU to ask my mum to stop WhatsApping baby photos?

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My mother has been sending photos of my baby to distant family friends via WhatsApp. I’m uncomfortable with this as when baby was born I asked my parents not to share her on social media, including WhatsApp.

When I said to my mum that I didn’t like this she brushed me off and said she was just trying to cheer the person up.

This ticked me off as if my baby’s purpose to cheer people up or trumps her right to privacy.

AIBU? If you agree with me what would you say to my mum? My dad’s probably at it too.

It's your child. Your rules.

Your DM is showing total disrespect to you by not listening to you.

You need to tell your DM that you don't want her to do this. And if she still ignores what you say then you need to stop letting your DM having photos of your child.

Just stop sending her pics that she might forward.
Stop her taking pics when you’re not around.

Repeat repeat, you do NOT want baby photos shared.

Use one time view in WhatsApp when sending her pictures? And if she is funny about it, then she doesn't get photos in exchange for ignoring your boundaries.

I wouldn’t send her any photos from now on .
FAFO as the young ones say .

But she might not view sharing with family on private what’s app groups the same as social media?

can she email the photos is that ok?

or should she print and post them ?

don’t share electronically if you don’t want her to share electronically

I don't think of private WhatsApp as the same as social media. I'm all for privacy for kids but surely a grandmother can share a couple photos of her grandchild with friends? Thats so strange to me, I've never heard anyone complain about that.

I agree with this. Unless you have serious concerns about her friends, it all seems a bit sad. In all probability they are likely to be not all that bothered about photos of what they see as a random baby, but it probably gives your mum pleasure to do this. Of course that doesn't trump your needs either but you need to try to identify exactly what your concerns are before you turn this into a hill to die on

I'm not sure I understand why you would have an issue with the child's Grandmother sharing photos of her grandchild with individual family and friends. I can understand why you wouldn't want her to share pictures to be viewed by all and sundry on Facebook etc. but presumably a WhatsApp is going to people that she (and you) know?

Obviously it's your baby and therefore your rules but I am struggling to understand why this would be an issue.

I agree that a child’s privacy is important but you need to weigh up whether sending family members some baby pics is actually risky and damaging compared to alienating people. We have a cousin who wouldn’t let anybody hold her baby/take photos/had strict rules that everybody had to follow regarding care & gifts. What actually happened was the child was alienated from the family. (I will add that we are a normal family, not dangerous or strange 😅) all the other cousins’ children grew up playing together and forming close bonds which she missed out on. In fact it’s easy to forget she exists!

I assumed OP was just doing it to be controlling. I can’t see any harm whatsoever.

Hmmm… I’ve just become a Grandma. Ds and Dil have asked that my grandchild isn’t on social media (and I absolutely respect that), but they totally understand that family members want to see photos , I mean that’s just normal isn’t it?

This is insane

Maybe OP is going to do that thing Victoria Beckham did and copyright the family’s image?

What distinguishing features does your baby have? They all look the bloody same!

There are some extraordinarily precious people about these days. So much is over-dramatised.

If people see a photo of your baby NOTHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

I think that's OTT, she's excited. It's not on FB, it will calm down, and people won't be interested in a few months; the baby won't even look like that by summer. Really not worth bad blood, especially if you may want some childcare in the future.

My MIL does this with random distant relatives and I haven’t said anything but I don’t like it. I also have no idea why these people would want or need a photo of my baby. I haven’t met some of them, and of the ones I have met the most recent time was the best part of ten years ago and I wouldn’t recognise them if I I walked past them on the street. She could send pictures of random babies from Google images and it would have the same effect. She also sends us photos of the children and grandchildren of said random distant relatives and I never know how to respond, because I really don’t care about pictures of strangers’ children.

Tell me you just had your first baby without telling me you just had your first baby 🤣

the person probably glances at the photo and then completely forgets it.. you are being ridiculous..

I wouldn't see WhatsApp as being social media, I would see it as being the same as email, or Messenger - or post, if we are going way back!

I’m with you OP! I hate the idea of people I barely know (or don’t even know) have photos of my child. I don’t have a solution for you, but I can tell you that some people have absolutely no respect for other people’s privacy. My cousin doesn’t want pics of his child to circulate, so he sends them to his mum (my aunt) using the view-once option in WhatsApp… she has subverted this by opening the photo and taking a photograph of the screen with another phone. She then sends it on to whoever she wants. It is infuriating and she wonders why she doesn’t have a good relationship with her son.

It’s a bit ott but I can understand it
accounts can be hacked and pictures used for other things
i wouldn’t put my gs photos anywhere because I’ve been asked not to, it’s the parents right

I don’t think this is about sharing a photo, this is about the advances of AI and hacking. Do you fully 100% trust all these people with your children and their images.

Total Estimated Volume: A 2023 analysis, indicating the scale of the problem, suggested an estimated 3.18 million non-consensual intimate images (NCII) are generated per year in the UK.

While a lot of people think but a picture of a baby isn’t sexual. You would Be surprised about kinks, what’s these people find attractive and what they can do with AI. Post a picture of your child at the beach or in the garden blowing bubbles or a new born with it’s mouth open…..all of these can be edited and sold to hundreds or thousands of people.

So yes it may seem very over the top but once you learn that 1% of the total population in the USA has accessed or distributed child imaged in the past year it becomes a bit more worrying. The world is changing and while it seems innocent parents need to be aware if how their children’s images are shared and stored

WhatsApp has end-to-end encryption. At the end of the day, you an do what you want and ask for what you want, but it's still OTT.

I am a little confused by this as I didn’t think WhatsApp was social media.

would you be ok with her emailing the pictures to great aunt Emily or do you just not want them shown to anyone at all?

I’m not the OP, but I don’t want my baby’s photos shared with random distant relatives we never see regardless if it’s WhatsApp, email, text, sent in the post. I can’t articulate why exactly it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I don’t want strangers being sent my baby’s picture. I’m talking a level of distance where MIL could send a random stock photo of a couple and baby and they wouldn’t notice. I can’t imagine why my MIL thinks that second cousin David who doesn’t know DH or I from Adam would want a picture of our baby. And I also feel uncomfortable being forwarded on baby pictures to us because I’ve always imagined the children’s parents would feel how we did if they knew their child’s picture was being sent to strangers, and I have literally nothing to say when sent a photo of a totally random child.

The new grandmother is excited, proud and just wants to join in with the hype. OP is putting a dampener on her excitement for no rational reason. All babies look the same. It’s a rather sad way some new parents use to distance the rest of the family. See also not wanting to see family on Christmas Day, and not letting people see the new baby. And then they inevitably complain that the distance they’ve created means no family members want to babysit their child. You reap what you sew.