AIBU to ask my mum to stop WhatsApping baby photos?

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My mother has been sending photos of my baby to distant family friends via WhatsApp. I’m uncomfortable with this as when baby was born I asked my parents not to share her on social media, including WhatsApp.

When I said to my mum that I didn’t like this she brushed me off and said she was just trying to cheer the person up.

This ticked me off as if my baby’s purpose to cheer people up or trumps her right to privacy.

AIBU? If you agree with me what would you say to my mum? My dad’s probably at it too.

You’re being ridiculously controlling.

Being used by OP’s mother (who has a history of being a bad judge of character) to circulate images to people OP doesn’t know, against her wishes. I’m surprised you’re ok with this.

It doesn't involve direct messaging.

There's nothing inherently risky about sharing images on WhatsApp.

OP might want to reconsider sharing anything with her mother ever again, though.

Without meaning to be pedantic the OP suggests it’s sent to distant family friends, not unknowns

im sorry you’re surprised by my views. But if you read the replies I think you’re in the minority here, rather than me

So what do you think all these peados in OP's mum's circle of friends are going to do with these images? Do you suppose they've never seen or come across real life babies before? Extract OP's home address and hunt the baby down?

Without being pedantic, OP’s has shared they were SA’d for most of their childhood, and their mother didn’t act on a suspicion she had. So, with kindness, I support OP in their discomfort & disapproval at having images circulated on WhatsApp by her mother, to people OP doesn’t know.

Are there loads of paedophile that she knows then? Or like a lot of people, did she know one person who she never imagined would be abusive but was?

I dint blame anyone, especially from the past, of being ignorant about how abuse works. Women in particular have been conditioned to normalise some behaviours that made abuse easier.

YANBU. My MIL is like this. Sends pictures of her grandchildren to all sorts of random (to me) people - people she went to uni with 50 years ago, distant relatives I'm never going to meet. She is an oversharer in general though - for e.g. her friend's son is currently in a coma in ICU and she sent out a group WhatsApp to everyone with loads of the boy's medical details, photos of him intubated etc. It felt really intrusive and voyeuristic for me receiving the messages.
I learned early on not to tell her anything I wouldn't want on a billboard, and although we do send her occasional photos of the DC we definitely send any where they’re e.g. in the bath, in their swimsuits etc.

Edited because I hadn't read the OP's updates when I posted, but those are my exact concerns. People are very naive to how (and how often) CSA happens. I encounter victims of CSA regularly in my professional life and - especially with the technology currently available - perpetrators do walk among us and will absolutely use innocuous images to create horrific ones.

Don't ask her, TELL HER. "Mum its my rules or you don't get photos"

You can use Signal and Telegram. There are alternatives. Great Aunt Joan in Australia isn’t likely to AI adapt your child’s photo into CSA images.

I don’t use any Meta products due to their privacy terms.

You need to sensibly balance risk here with normal connection & Grandparent excitement with real life risk to your child.

Parents who do go to extremes on this have a child no one sees or thinks about or feels connected to. That’s ok for you now but long term has an impact.

How utterly ridiculous! What about when your baby gets photographed in the background at parks, or parties, or soft play? Your kid isn't different or special. No one cares. Your Mum will be sending the pics to her friends and relatives. They won't be finding their way onto the dark web FFS. I honestly don't know how some people get through life with such ridiculous anxiety. Unclench and stop spoiling this for your Mum, who is excited about her grandchild. 🙄

Normalising this behaviour under the guise of safeguarding is how you create issues and conflict within a family and ultimately break it up. If we all had great, proximal relationships with our family members, we might rely on them for free childcare instead of paying someone to do it. We wouldn't need to purchase and consume as much as we do if we lived in larger family units. We wouldn't be as individualistic and those of us with lots would help those we know with much less so we all had something.

This doesnt work for a capitalist society so ensuring that people like the OP distrust and rest their parents means that they won't rely on each other for support and will outsource all that familial care to paid providers.

It makes sense to make OP think her mum is a selfish perv instead of a doting grandmother. She will probably buy 3 books about abusive parents and hire a nanny.

Ok so this adds colour to your post! I wouldn’t let them have any unsupervised contact. Christ! She has form for failing you

The thing is, you’ve been made aware of the concerns about online images being exploited via your job so you have a heightened sense of anxiety about this happening to your baby too. That’s pretty standard - I too have a career with children and also have this safeguarding knowledge. But I also know that the vast majority of children do not suffer from abuse.
I’m assuming that neither yourself of your child’s father takes any photos of your child on a digital camera? So your DM must be taking these photos herself? Of course it’s up to you if you don’t want any photos taken of your child, but what would be hypocritical would be if you’re taking them, sending them to your DM and telling her not to pass them on to her friends via WhatsApp. Does the baby’s father feel the same as you? Have you sent anyone else photos of your baby, ever?

Regardless of anyone’s views on whether you’re being too precious or controlling, you have asked your mum not to do something and she should listen. A few people have suggested that you are risking your relationship with her, but she is also risking her relationship with you by continuing to do something you are deeply uncomfortable with. In light of your last post, I think you need to have a meaningful conversation with her about your very understandable feelings around the fact that she didn’t protect you as a child.

YANBU. Same thing happened with my mum although it wasn’t even family friends, it was people she knew I expressly didn’t like or people I didn’t know at all. It’s one of the many reasons we are barely on speaking terms anymore.

Lots of people on here argue that the that the risk is small. It may be but so is the benefit. What harm is going to happen if grandma doesn't share pictures of her gc with her buddies from the hiking group. Yes grandma will have to restrain herself. That's what a lot of adults do. I refrained from sharing the news about my sister's high risk pregnancy until she was confortable sharing it herself, no matter my excitement. My brother is ND and doesn't like to be hugged or touched for long, so I refrain from hugging him. I also refrain from gossiping about my friends private life because it would make them uncomfortable. I don't go on about them being controlling or alienating.
I'm not sure why a person's excitement or pleasure should trump someone's discomfort or boundaries.

Op, I’m really sorry about what happened to you,

I think that is a much bigger issue.

a pp said that you had been clear. I disagree - as you have seen from this thread many people do not see WhatsApp as social media.

i’d suggest that you actually are clear - eg I am happy to send these pictures but I don’t want you to send them on to anyone else by any means

cross posted

A lot of people these days seem to think they’re celebrities and behave as such. It’s a bit weird.

I’m so sorry you experienced that OP.

Tell her no more photos as she can’t be trusted.

Utter controlling weird batshittery.

And those backing you up are just as bad.

Get over yourself.

Babies absolutely not look all the same.

Hope you dont really mean this as it would be shocking.

Precious much! I get social media but how odd to stop a GM sharing the joy with friends. Will you also ban discussion of the aforesaid child.