AIBU to ask my mum to stop WhatsApping baby photos?

[embroideredpanda]

My mother has been sending photos of my baby to distant family friends via WhatsApp. I’m uncomfortable with this as when baby was born I asked my parents not to share her on social media, including WhatsApp.

When I said to my mum that I didn’t like this she brushed me off and said she was just trying to cheer the person up.

This ticked me off as if my baby’s purpose to cheer people up or trumps her right to privacy.

AIBU? If you agree with me what would you say to my mum? My dad’s probably at it too.

I'm sorry you experienced that, OP. It explains why you are yanking the chain with your DM on this. But you're picking an odd hill to die on here. WhatsApp is not social media and she is sharing with family.

If someone exploited a baby photo of me or my siblings for porn, I'm not sure any of us would notice. We scratch our head over old photos wondering who it is.

OP WhatsApp is end-to-end encrypted, it cant see the photos, you’re not “handing them” to Meta. Why do you think it’s so difficult in investigations to get a hold of messages when owners mysteriously lose their phones? And why governments can’t compel WhatsApp to hand over messages, it isn’t possible unless the owner hands the phone over and grants access.

That's awful, OP, I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely understand how that would colour your thinking.

Single view photos could be photographed on screen, and sent on.
Unfortunately, even if you gave your parents actual physical photos, they can take a photo of them and send them over WhatsApp.

The only way to 100% guarantee your baby's photos not being shared electronically is not to give them any at all.

And given that your mother allowed your SA to continue for years even though she had her suspicions, she's lucky you haven't gone NC.

💐

The people she sends them to don't care about your random baby either, it's just a proud grandma sharing her joy.

I get baby and pet pics which I delete soon after as I imagine most people do.

I think this is a slightly bigger issue to deal with regarding your relationship, than the post.

I totally agree. Given that OP has said that she is a survivor of CSA from the age of five to 13 and that although her mother suspected something, she did absolutely nothing to protect OP her, it is perfectly understandable why OP wishes to take every precaution, even ones that many posters view as extreme, to protect her child.

In the light of OP's childhood abuse, her mum is lucky that OP still has anything to do with her.

This isn’t a first child thing. It’s a boundaries and decency thing. You’ve asked for it not to happen and it keeps happening. As others have said, one time view pictures from now on.

cross posted with you , OP, so sorry to hear re the SA. So your relationship will be very complicated with your mum and I imagine having your child will bring it all up again in new ways.

Talk of “my child’s privacy” is complete hypocrisy if you yourself are taking and sharing photo’s.

If someone wants their child to have privacy, then that means privacy from everyone including you.

A child not being able to consent means they can’t consent to any pictures. So if you want that, then you yourself have no right taking pictures of your child because they weren’t able to consent to them.

No? Didn’t think so.

This has nothing to do with consent or privacy and everything to do with control.

This whole notion of parents deciding who and when people can visit/meet/hold the baby. What the baby/child is allowed to do/say/eat/drink growing up. Never exposing their children to any view which isn’t their own so anyone who expresses a different opinion is summarily barred/blocked.

It’s possessiveness/control. Something which nobody would tolerate in an adult relationship but parents view their children as possessions rather than as humans in their own right.

Hence why so many younger teens have so many MH issues and why young adults are struggling, because they’ve never been allowed to think for and be themselves.

Yes, she's a proud granny! Of course it's your kids your rules but she is respecting what you say about social media. WhatsApp is different I think.
EDIT sorry I just read your update. That does change things, I'm sorry you went through that.

I very much doubt the people receiving the photos could give a shit about seeing a baby of a friends daughter more than once if that 🤣🤣
Edit, I also just saw update. Very sorry to hear but you should have included more details in your OP as most people would think those original details alone were a bit strange. Much bigger issues going on.

I don't think the real issue is about the photos but this is masking the fact that your mum didn't protect you from SA and this impacting how you view the world and protecting your own child.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Do you know that people can use AI to undress babies? I suspect not from your comment about clothed images being the solution.

No, but OP can set clear boundaries and expect her family to respect those. It’s not so unusual to not want images of your child circulated online.

It’s not being circulated online though is it. That’s the point

So strange. And then people wonder why we have the society that we do.

I guess you can stop sending her photos but really what is the issue with her sending these photos to her friends? She must be beaming with pride. I would understand your annoyance if the child was old enough to be recognisable and the photos had a permanent online presence such as Facebook or Instagram.

But photos of a barely recognisable little bubs being send to friends?

FWIW I am generally against posting photos on Social Media.

Keep telling her NOT to share …… better still, stop sending photos to her.

Yes you are being unreasonable.
shes a proud grandmother let her get on with it and be grateful for the help she’ll no doubt offer you later on.

Do you not consider people sending images on WhatsApp as circulating images online?
WhatsApp is a social media platform, accessed online, owned by Meta. So if sending images on WhatsApp doesn’t meet your definition of circulating online, curious what does.

Have you read OPs update. I'm not sure her DM will be providing any childcare.

i don’t understand why this is a problem though?

If she'd had the pictures printed and put in frames, would you expect her to place them face down every time someone came into her house?

Why are people so joyless and controlling these days?

It’s a messaging app.

like the vast majority of people I’d deem online as uploaded to a publicly available online platform.

i don’t care who owns it. Neither here nor there.

You do know there’s a dark web where weirdos can find awful
pictures don’t you?

those freaks aren’t interested in pics of ypur baby . They want to see abuse happening