AIBU to ask my mum to stop WhatsApping baby photos?

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My mother has been sending photos of my baby to distant family friends via WhatsApp. I’m uncomfortable with this as when baby was born I asked my parents not to share her on social media, including WhatsApp.

When I said to my mum that I didn’t like this she brushed me off and said she was just trying to cheer the person up.

This ticked me off as if my baby’s purpose to cheer people up or trumps her right to privacy.

AIBU? If you agree with me what would you say to my mum? My dad’s probably at it too.

I don’t know why I’m surprised by so many of the responses here saying it’s “just whatsapp” or “just a photo”. But your response is actually my concern. I go through enhanced safeguarding training twice annually so am very aware of what can happen to images and work in protecting children in this sphere. It seems this is not everyone’s first though. I have explained this to my mother softly without explicitly stating abusive images. She seems to understand what I was saying which is why I’m bothered.

My other concern, which people here have missed entirely is that WhatsApp is owned by Meta. I don’t have Instagram, Facebook or messenger because I don’t trust them. Unfortunately I don’t think I could easily participate in society without WhatsApp but I don’t want photos of a child who can’t consent handed over to meta.

We have an alternative app that, had my mother asked, I would have been happy for the person she sent the photos to to access. Now, as pps have said, I doubt this person would have bothered as my baby is a random potato to her.

EDIT: Sorry, I meant to quote @Springiscoming368 as the concerns about AI and CSE and creation of false sexual images are my concern.

What exactly is your fear? That your dc will get kidnapped or something? You obviously have high anxiety and this isn't normal. There are influencers out there sharing their dc with millions! I think your Mums friends are fairly safe. When your dc starts school, clubs etc are you going to be the odd parent who won't allow a photo?

Exactly. Only on Mumsnet, I tell you 🙄

I'm with you op. The thing is, her friends might be harmless but your don't know who they might be forwarding your baby pictures to. I sent a picture of my baby to my great aunt and then she (mistakenly, I assume) set this photo as a WhatsApp status, therefore all of her contacts could see (and save) my baby's picture. It made me uncomfortable.
Once you send a picture, you lose control of what happens with it.

Agree .

Don't take part in any baby shows or local fetes then. Local papers are full of baby pics

It is completely your right to withdraw photos.

But honestly, I think people get far to worked up over this. There is a big difference between privately sending people photos online, and publicly posting photos online.

a grandmother sending a picture digitally to another old lady, isn't highly highly unlikely to cause any more harm than her printing a photo and posting it to the other lady.

Ok Meta, has your picture. Great, they have billions of pictures, nothing will come of it.

Predators aren't going through private messages either, they look for public posts to steal from. Open facebook posts, instagram posts.. there are so many public images, they don't need to hack your grandma's friends account to steal a picture in a private message.

So yes, you are in your right to do it.. and yes you are avoiding a risk by doing so.... but no (unless they are being posted publicly) the risk is not actually that significant, and in reality you probably have more of a risk of your child being photographed in public (which you have no legal ability to control) than this causing an issue...

It's nothing to do with not understanding safeguarding, I work in CP and still think you're being ridiculous.
It's a photo shared privately with a relative.
Your child will end up in thousands of digital images, are you going to prevent them attending school, no days out, no holidays. While I do understand the concern, you need to balance that with probability because there is no way to completely eliminate risk.

OP, as a DGM, I share photos of my DGC with my sisters and a couple of close friends - in all reasonableness, most people won’t be interested in a random baby picture. I really think you’re over-reacting here. There’s a massive difference between sharing with a couple of friends, and putting it on Facebook or elsewhere online.

I work in Safeguarding and have direct involvement in some of the concerns you are talking about.

Ultimately, it’s your child your rules but refusing to send an image over WhatsApp to family is not how me or most of my colleagues choose to live and it’s not lack of awareness. It’s assessing risk versus family life.

This really is OTT and no way to live.

I did think the point was understandable until you suggested that you’d be happy with another messaging app.

Then it just became conspiracy theory nonsense, and not really about privacy at all

as another poster says you have to think about whether the upside of not having a photo sent to distant relatives is worth the consequence of alienating your family.

Are they though? I've honestly never seen a local paper full of baby photos. I've never been aware of any baby shows either. I'm sure they exist, but I'm not convinced they'd be covered by a local newspaper.

most people won’t be interested in a random baby picture.

Then why send them?

People go gaga over babies. Especially grandmothers I've noticed. I don't get it, personally.

Are you going to be one of the OPs posting in a few years time about how your parents never help with the children and don’t have a relationship with them or seem to care? Because this is where it starts - control and exclusion. Distance because their daughter has too many rules about seeing / looking after the children.

I work with security specialists and hackers - even they’re happy to send WhatsApp photos

Only with parental consent, which is the OP's point.

The rational reason is because baby & child images are being sexualised by predators online. Those images are then traded on the dark web and amongst other likeminded people.
OP can’t know who these people are that the images are being sent to, and who has access to their devices.

Totally agree

Well, since you bring it up, my parents actually stood by while I was SA’d from age 5-13. I discovered at 22 that my mother did suspect it but had done nothing. So yeah, I’m going to be a bit controlling about their access to my child because they completely failed me.

You can’t live your life like that though can you?

worrying Great Aunt Doris may be trading pictures on the dark web all these years

Why is it such a problem? What do you imagine is going to happen? Or is this just part of a wider picture of your Mum stepping over boundaries and you wanting to assert yourself? My advice is pick your battles.

Ooooooh BIG crime not wanting to see wider family on Christmas Day.

It doesn't matter whether OP is right or wrong to ask her mum not to forward the pictures. The point is she has expressed a clear wish, which it is her right to do as the parent, and her mum has ignored it. It is an easy rule to follow and following it doesn't make life harder for the grandmother or harm her in any way. Therefore despite her feelings on the matter, and whether or not OP is overreacting to risk, granny is wrong to ignore the rule.

Also, if granny really thinks OP is wrong and feels a genuine need to share the photos, she can discuss it with OP like a grown-up instead of just ignoring her worries.

Yes , I genuinely don’t understand why there is a problem with other people she knows seeing photos of your presumably clothed child? Would be different if naked enjoying bath time maybe? Do you put up a screen around your baby when you go out so people can’t see them? What’s the difference?

I agree your child your rules eg for nap routines , not allowing too many sweet treats etc but maybe those are important things and the photo thing is not? How exactly is it going to harm your child if her great aunt or whatever sees a photo of them? Maybe your mum is kind and what’s wrong with brightening an old person’s day with a picture of your cute kid? In any case this is a very new thing and try to talk it through with her so you can both understand why you have different ideas about this.

i know this seems to be the modern way but maybe people need to get a sense of proportion about it and ask if maybe they are being a bit too controlling about it?

when they are older and recognisable, yes, I’d be careful what I shared, but can’t there be some photos it’s ok for her to share?