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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to discourage uni for daughter, I'm worried about debt without career plan?

212 replies

HappyLemonChickenCurry · 29/03/2026 14:49

My eldest child is starting to think about her next move after 6th form and is talking about university, I went to uni in the 90's when financing was very different. She is academic and wants to go because she loves learning, but won't be studying a degree subject with a specific career goal or profession in mind. I am finding myself discouraging her because of the debt she will come out with and from what I hear about finding work after a degree, but am I wrong? Is the debt worth it for the formative experience? I would be really interested to hear experiences from those whose children have recently graduated, or peoples thoughts in general. It feel so counter-intuitive to be discouraging!

OP posts:
Wesgs · 30/03/2026 20:52

BoredZelda · 30/03/2026 20:49

Do they know what the word “statistically” means?

🙄

kljdhs877 · 30/03/2026 20:58

@BoredZelda you’re interpreting what I mean by plan when I didn’t explicitly state what I meant by plan. I did not necessarily mean a 15 year specific career plan. A plan can be based on keeping options open based on strengths and interests and considering the types of opportunities available.

I will never think it’s acceptable for someone to make a half arsed decision about something as big as university, especially when I need to part fund it, maybe this is the MN bias, maybe you’re all upper middle class with kids that will go to Oxbridge and end up in Uncle John’s accountancy firm. That’s not my world, making a mistake as big as the wrong university course could really hold my children back, I’m simply stating it is a decision that will be taken with care because I’ve seen far too many people from my own background make really poor choices in this area.

Wesgs · 30/03/2026 21:02

kljdhs877 · 30/03/2026 20:58

@BoredZelda you’re interpreting what I mean by plan when I didn’t explicitly state what I meant by plan. I did not necessarily mean a 15 year specific career plan. A plan can be based on keeping options open based on strengths and interests and considering the types of opportunities available.

I will never think it’s acceptable for someone to make a half arsed decision about something as big as university, especially when I need to part fund it, maybe this is the MN bias, maybe you’re all upper middle class with kids that will go to Oxbridge and end up in Uncle John’s accountancy firm. That’s not my world, making a mistake as big as the wrong university course could really hold my children back, I’m simply stating it is a decision that will be taken with care because I’ve seen far too many people from my own background make really poor choices in this area.

We sat with our kids to discuss unis, courses and future plans. We were actively involved and not the "hands off let them figure it out themselves".

DH actively sat with DC to prep them for interviews and help them

BoredZelda · 30/03/2026 21:18

Bustarold · 30/03/2026 12:16

We also carefully looked at unis and made sure they're are top in their field with established and respected courses.

How carefully?

My daughter looked at one university widely considered to be one of the best in the country. It was in the top ten. It scored highly for research and development, and relatively highly for onward employment opportunities, but was one of the worst ours from bottom) for the student experience and student support. She decided she would be happy to forgo a few percentage points in research and onward employment opportunities to go with her chosen uni which rates near the top of the table for student experience and support.

BoredZelda · 30/03/2026 21:29

kljdhs877 · 30/03/2026 20:58

@BoredZelda you’re interpreting what I mean by plan when I didn’t explicitly state what I meant by plan. I did not necessarily mean a 15 year specific career plan. A plan can be based on keeping options open based on strengths and interests and considering the types of opportunities available.

I will never think it’s acceptable for someone to make a half arsed decision about something as big as university, especially when I need to part fund it, maybe this is the MN bias, maybe you’re all upper middle class with kids that will go to Oxbridge and end up in Uncle John’s accountancy firm. That’s not my world, making a mistake as big as the wrong university course could really hold my children back, I’m simply stating it is a decision that will be taken with care because I’ve seen far too many people from my own background make really poor choices in this area.

Who defines “half arsed”? Many would consider my daughter’s plan half arsed. I just discussed this post with her and she is very clear that she isn’t very clear at all where she will end up or what she wants to do. She knows it will involve a post grad in something then a PHD. She doesn’t know what in but she has an idea of the area she wants to research. It all sounds very fly by the seat of her pants to me. Unlike you, I don’t consider my element of funding her to be conditional. I am either secure enough in her abilities, drive and ambition to believe in her and back her, or I’m not. If I’m not then I’d consider that a parenting failure of mine. She may not make the best decisions in her life, but she will absolutely make the best of her decisions. I’m behind her 100%. If she fails, she will do it on her own terms and she will learn from each and every mistake she makes. I know she will make a life she considers to be successful, because we have raised her to believe in her own potential and with the confidence to find her own path. We haven’t given her any unsolicited guidance because she just doesn’t need it.

And no, she isn’t off to Oxbridge and doesn’t have a family firm to fall back on, what she does have is the knowledge she can take a risk and we’ll never tell her she has made her bed she must lie in it, that there is no wrong path to get to the final destination.

ILoveDaffodills · 31/03/2026 13:04

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/03/2026 16:06

But what is the point of posting when the whole thread is about the cost of student loans and you admit that you don't know how they work!

Well for starters you aren't the posting police so none of your business.

but my opinion is still valid. IF you actually read the OP.

TealScroller · 31/03/2026 13:22

It's not really classed as a 'debt' plus it's only repayable when she starts to earn a certain amount. Let her make her own decisions!

user1469565563 · 31/03/2026 17:34

Anywherebuthere · 30/03/2026 13:19

If she doesn't enjoy it and doesn't want to do it, then she will most likely incur a debt and poor grades to show for it.

Look into other options. Maybe something practical alongside a bit of learning or taking a gap year and working. Just so she can have time to think about what appeals to her.

Formal education isnt the right route for everyone. £30-60k debt is huge just for experience.

Edited

You're right.

DisappearingGirl · 01/04/2026 17:00

I have a question.

For a student living away from home in England (not London), with parental joint income over £60k, it looks like the maximum loan would cover tuition fees (around £10k per year) plus around £5k towards living costs per year, so around £15k loan per year. I guess this gives the average debt of £45-50k for a 3 year course.

On top of this, parents would be expected to pay around £6k per year.

My question is, does the £5k maintenance loan plus £6k parental contribution (so £11k) cover most of a student's living costs for the year i.e. rent, bills, food etc? Or is it a lot more than that in reality? I've lost track of the cost of a room in a shared house in a student city.

I know people say get a part-time job, but these are increasingly hard to come by.

Our kids are two school years apart, so if they both go to uni we may have at least 1 year when we are paying top-ups for both of them.

Thanks. This is an interesting thread.

TheSquareMile · 01/04/2026 19:45

HappyLemonChickenCurry · 29/03/2026 15:55

Psychology (with some neuroscience if that is possible but she doesn't think it will be) or biology. She is currently studying for the International Bachelorette.

@HappyLemonChickenCurry

Would she be in a position to consider Biology at Imperial, OP?

www.imperial.ac.uk/study/courses/undergraduate/biological-sciences-msci/

Holidayz · 03/04/2026 14:43

DisappearingGirl · 01/04/2026 17:00

I have a question.

For a student living away from home in England (not London), with parental joint income over £60k, it looks like the maximum loan would cover tuition fees (around £10k per year) plus around £5k towards living costs per year, so around £15k loan per year. I guess this gives the average debt of £45-50k for a 3 year course.

On top of this, parents would be expected to pay around £6k per year.

My question is, does the £5k maintenance loan plus £6k parental contribution (so £11k) cover most of a student's living costs for the year i.e. rent, bills, food etc? Or is it a lot more than that in reality? I've lost track of the cost of a room in a shared house in a student city.

I know people say get a part-time job, but these are increasingly hard to come by.

Our kids are two school years apart, so if they both go to uni we may have at least 1 year when we are paying top-ups for both of them.

Thanks. This is an interesting thread.

Yes, doable if they are thrifty. However the biggest thing will be cost of accommodation so it's wise to look at this option after grade requirements/course structure/campus/city as not all unis are the same in regards to fees for halls, and also private rentals can be wildly different. An expensive halls might have cheaper housing for subsequent years and vice versa. Some places have the expensiveness of London without the weighting (Bristol, York, Brighton for example) Also be aware that most uni accommodation contracts are for 40-45 weeks, so calculate the weekly amounts on the actual contracts. Private housing and private halls tend to have longer contracts, 50 weeks or 52 weeks.

With uni halls costs can also be lowered if your YP is willing to share facilities such as shared bathrooms.

My advice is really looking into the accommodation costs before they fall head over heels, so you can discount unis that aren't financially viable. Steerage and compromises are needed. Also don't get trapped in the must be a RG university. There are plenty of decent unis in the top 3rd that aren't part of the Russel Group. When picking unis there are lots of considerations based on many different elements and costs should be one of the biggest considerations.

Indeed, many YP are opting to stay local to save on living costs as the difference between min at home and min living away is around a 1K different. Also taking a gap year to work and earn is now also a popular option as they could easily save 15-20k if working full time in a min wage job.

DisappearingGirl · 04/04/2026 17:52

Thanks Holidayz, good pointers.

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