To not want guests staying at 35 weeks pregnant?

[gratedcheeseandham]

For context, it’s my husband and I’s first child. For context, my husband is French and has a lot of friends still in France.

I’m currently just over 28 weeks pregnant and we have a guest staying with us this week that he hasn’t seen in a couple of years (an old university friend). I’ve never met her, but as I’m off work (Easter holidays and I’m a teacher), I didn’t really have an issue with her staying. I think that has translated to my husband thinking I’m okay for people staying whenever.

The problem is that he has invited his best friend from France, his wife and their two very small children (5 and 2) in the third week of May for five nighs. I’ll be 35/36 weeks at that point. I get on with the couple, but they are definitely more friends with my husband than me. They don’t speak English and aren’t that patient with my semi bad French. I’ll still be at work as I go off on maternity the week after, and to be honest I am not sure how I’m supposed to work a demanding job, come home and host and also be very near full term. My husband likes to have elaborate meals (3+ courses, all fresh, 2 hours at the dinner table) and ‘dinner parties’ most nights when having friends over.

My pregnancy has also been quite rough. I had to go and stay in hospital at 26 weeks for an iron transfusion as my iron stores were critically low, I’m consultant led as have a bleeding disorder (unrelated to iron stores) and baby is measuring on the 98th percentile. I’m also on crutches with PGP and feeling a bit like a dog that needs to be put down.

I’ve spoken to husband about this and he says that they’ve booked now. I asked if they could potentially stay in a hotel instead of our house (and they’re staying in the nursery) but he says it’ll be awkward.

I am dreading it. How do I bring this up to my husband? He’s also wanting to invite three couples round in July - a few weeks after giving birth. I think he’s being quite naive.

Please tell us his expectation isn't for YOU to prepare the elaborate meals?? As others have said, just check out of this visit (mentally/physically - to a hotel if you have to). Then after, use is as an example and leverage for the July visits - which will be much harder (for you) once baby is here.

Will his parents expect to stay when baby arrives too?

absolute madness. At 35 weeks you should be coming home from work and immediately lying on the sofa. Your husband should then ideally fetch you a drink, run you a bath, and cook you dinner, before you head to bed by 9pm.

Bloody hell, I missed this, you need to dial back drastically on this from now. otherwise he will be expecting you to wait on him and his guests when the baby is here.

Don’t lift a finger. He’s invited them, he needs to do all the work, every single bit.

You’re not unreasonable. I said no guests in the third trimester apart from my mum and in laws. Didn’t even really want my own dad coming round because he sometimes overstays and is a bit rowdy (still went to his and saw him but didn’t host him at ours).

Hosting dinner parties with people who are snippy about your “bad French” would be a hard fucking no.

Your husband sounds really really inconsiderate.

Well dh will be hosting cooking etc.
Make it clear.
You will be resting up

Mention it to your midwife team and tell them your concerns and have them sit him down, maybe coming from someone else, he might get the bloody idea.

also if he has relatives that are reasonable, lament to your in laws and let them lay the law because any stress could hurt their grandbaby.

apparently normal reasoning doesn’t work with your husband so GUILT

Definitely the husband sounds extremely inconsiderate.
As do his rude friends who are being impatient with your French At least you're making the effort to speak their language! They should be making more effort to speak English when in the UK.

And why on earth are they coming over at all when you're heavily pregnant? They really have no consideration for you. Stop giving a crap about these people. and you can be more direct and say no to hosting for the foreseeable

Tell him to pack it in. He's being incredibly selfish, not naive. Try and get your May guests into a hotel and they can visit you instead (husband can foot the bill) and put your foot down about July. Post partum is rough and you absolutely won't be wanting staying guests, trust me.

Let him invite the couples in July post-birth. He will have the shock of his life when he realised how hard it is to look after a newborn, let alone host friends staying at your place. Not just that - 3 weekends on the bounce. He will not make this mistake with your next child. He will be the one with PP depression from all the pressure of looking after not only his wife and baby but friends and keeping them entertained. This is coming from a first time mum 6 weeks PP with a relatively easy baby that doesn’t cry much and sleeps fairly well. I’d have had a mental breakdown. And I’m pretty sure my hands on, mentally stable, rock of a partner would too. Your husband is absolutely deluded.

Say no or you’re off to a hotel. Re the French, that’s plain rude, we have French friends who live in France where their DD had to translate for us, but we used the odd French word we knew (Sympa was one) and the dad was impressed and said so that I knew it!

Let him get on with it, you can have an early dinner and you've got an excellent excuse for an early night. Let him figure it out.

This.

I simply don't get how a husband think this is a brilliant idea. I have 3 kids. I was exhausted at week 35/36. Children are bor at this time. Not all mothers reach 40+0.
The husband is simply insane. So is the guests.

I would be heading off to my parents or a hotel.

Is he always an inconsiderate prick?

Cool. He can do ALL the shopping, planning, cleaning etc. You can either sit on sofa or lie in bed. Obviously early nights as well for you. He needs to learn to not volunteer you or your house for stuff

It is impressive how cheeky people are when you are incapacitated. Pregnant with multiples me had my mum land herself on us for a night. For clarity she wasn’t invited, was declined an attempt to extend her visit and told she wouldn’t be getting any hosting as we were too busy / tired. She appeared to find it too much even getting food out of the fridge l had prepared 🙄.

Tell your husband you look forward to seeing what he shops for, prepares and cooks. He sounds like a twat and you shouldn’t expect it to get any better. I’d head off to family or friends and leave him to it,

also these guests don’t get to be impatient with you in your own house, but then if you’re not there it won’t be a problem!

This sounds like a man becoming domineering and abusive now that he has you locked down and pregnant with his child ☹️

He's balanced a 'bit awkward' and 'serious inconvenience' for his wife and decided he'd rather upset his very pregnant and ill wife.

What an arsehole.

He doesn’t see to have any idea what being pregnant or giving birth is like. I agree with PP he does all cooking shopping beds cleaning. You are friendly but don’t lift a finger

I no you really shouldn’t have to, but can you go stay at a family members while these people visit in may? Then for July tell him absolutely not, guests are never to be invited to stay over without both of you agreeing in advance.

I don’t suppose it will make a big difference? Just carry on as usual and let husband spend time with his friends. Just excuse yourself if you’re tired. You don’t need to host it they’re your husband’s guests.

Tell him that as you have objected and he’s ignored you that he will need to prepare for their visit - cleaning, food shopping, making up beds etc. Host - entertaining, cooking, cleaning and any babysitting that needs doing for the couple , and clearing up afterwards - I.e. Changing beds, cleaning, replenishing shopping etc. As you will be too tired to do any of that . Also tell him he needs to have contingency plans if your baby comes early that do not include them being in your home .
He and his guests , who surely know your due date(?) are totally selfish
And say no now to hosting anyone in July with a newborn .

Sorry I clicked you are being unreasonable by mistake, fat fingers, no you’ll be in full nesting mode by then and probably shattered, hosting elaborate meals is ridiculous at that stage plus also possibility of baby coming early. He needs to cancel them and also July visit as unless they’re very close friends of both of you who will look after you, not you looking after them it’s a huge No from me.

You tell your husband he will be hosting and preparing and clearing up all meals as you were not consulted about them coming and do not feel up to it. How disrespectful of him . He does it all or they eat out.

And now is the time to firmly tell him no overnight guests for the first six weeks or more after baby arrives