I just wouldn’t allow my child to do that… AIBU

[Dumbo18]

2 very strong willed kids who don’t really care about consequences and can get very emotional - angry, sad, happy just big emotions really. We often find daily life can be a battle especially with the 4 year old (7 year old can be just as bad) not really looking for advice as I’ve read countless threads on the subject so have seen and tried it all but here is where I don’t know if I am being unreasonable (maybe more am I missing something) 4 year old was refusing to brush teeth at bedtime, had to be done not an option especially as she had cake for pudding. Would absolutely not do it and I could hear in my head lovely people off this site saying well I just wouldn’t have that she would have no choice etc and it got me thinking how on earth would you just not have it?? Force her mouth open- absolutely not. Refuse to read her a book- tried, no tv in the morning- tried, calmly explaining why it’s important- tried, shout- tried. She brushed them in the end so not looking for advice more just an answer on if you say I wouldn’t allow that what is it that you do? Not only with teeth brushing but daily life. I think it’s easy to say I wouldn’t allow that when you are the parent of a child who does what they are asked, responds to consequences etc.

Wow this has been bumped after an age.

Re teeth cleaning, generally my 10 yr old with complex needs lets me do his once a day. We also use finger tooth wipes, non flavoured and he will use these himself. Obviously not as good as cleaning with a brush but better than nothing.

For some children its not about authority. If i only had my eldest i would have thought this maybe... then i had my second.

No 3 was more like no 1 but not as biddable. Ditto no 4. No 5 somewhere in middle. No 2.. no, and usual strategies did not work.

Then no 6... complex needs and none of standard stuff works. Pick battles. But ultimately if he doesnt want to/cant do something he isnt going to, and cant be persuaded, bribed, threatened, told etc. No amount of consequences would make a difference.

He needs safety, calm, no demand but even his own internalised demand stops him having capacity to do stuff. Its absolutely heartbreaking at times tbh as well as exhausting.